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Is there another person out there whose spouse is in the final stages but 60+
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:40 PM
Originally posted by: CHAW

I know what you going through. My husband is in the same shape as yours. Mine has had it since 2001. I get sad too. I wish it could be same as before.He is in a nursing home, he is getting very nice help there. But nothing is going to change.
Internal Administrator
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:40 PM
Joined: 1/14/2015
Posts: 40463


Originally posted by: Anita K.

My husband has had this horrible AD for over eleven years and is now in the final stages. I guess I just want to hear from someone who is going through the same thing. I feel so terribly sad and I feel such a loss for our life that should be carefree and happy at this time of our life. He doesn't know much of anything any more but I know and miss him so much.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:40 PM
Originally posted by: Anita K.

To JAB.....How could I ever thank you for leading me to www.thealzheimerspouse.com. I have felt so lost as to where to go to find someone who has a spouse who has had this horrible AD and is now in the late stages but only in their mid 60's. I have inquired into support groups but find that most are much older people and not necessarily spouses. I in no means am implying that anyone else's plight in this AD world is any different than mine. I guess what I am saying is that whatever position one is in determines what or where you must seek help and comfort. In our life, right now should be some of the best times of our lives. Our children are all grown, we are retired and financially secure and yet we can have no life at all for what we thought we could have.....and now this far down the road, he can't even share with me the pain of this loss. The loss is monumental but so is the trials and errors of everyday life. This website has opened up something for me that I so desperately needed. I wish I could look into your eyes and tell you how grateful I am to you for taking the time to answer my plea for help. Thank you dear JAB.....I am grateful to you.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:40 PM
Originally posted by: JAB

Dear Anita, it IS different when it's your husband. I doubt that anyone on this board would argue that. And it's unquestionably worse when you and your husband are young -- my heart aches for you. I hope Spouse can give you the comfort and understanding that you need at such a very difficult time. They are dear people.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:40 PM
Originally posted by: JAB

CHAW, I haven't meant to ignore you. Anita was asking for help ... you were offering it.

You have my deepest sympathy. My first husband died of cancer, more than 20 years ago ... now my second husband has AD. He is not as far along as yours, but I know what it can be like -- my mother died of AD.

I hope that you can find the support and understanding you need, here and/or on Spouse. If you have concerns or questions that would be the same for any AD caregiver, you are likely to get more responses if you post on the Caregiver Forum. It's much more active than this one, and many of the EOAD caregivers post there.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:40 PM
Originally posted by: JAB

Anita, I am so very sorry for what you are going through.

May I suggest that you go to The Alzheimer Spouse website:

http://www.thealzheimerspouse.com/

It's for those of us whose spouses have AD. The link to the discussion forum (message board) is near the top of the green menu on the left. It is a very compassionate group, and a number of our members have spouses who are in the final stages, or who recently lost their spouses. Sadly, many of our members are young.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:40 PM
Originally posted by: New Realm

Hello to ALL the "spouse" new members. Big GrinWELCOME

Yes, take the invitation to visit theAlzheimerspouse.com

It's a great place to supplement this great place. I joined here (alz.org) a couple years ago. Great ideas, friendship, solutions, suggestions, cyber hugs, etc. Yet from the spousal relationship standpoint I was still missing something here, and the Alzheimer Spouse message boards are a fantastic supplement.

So many here brought up the differences in caring for a parent/grandparent, and caring for a spouse----as many of us have done BOTH! Joan Gersham started planning her website then and its been up and running just over a year now. The Alzhiemer Spouse website also has daily blogs, resources, and links specific to AD and spousal relationships.

I'm New Realm on both sites. So welcome again to both.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:40 PM
Originally posted by: JAB

tiggermom,

I am so very sorry for what you are going through. Support groups are very helpful, but of course, they have to be people who understand your situation, and it is very difficult to find EOAD groups. An online support group isn't quite the same as face-to-face, but certainly better than nothing. We do have quite a few young couples -- some so young they still have very young children, even babies, at home -- at The Alzheimer Spouse. And the discussion forum is quite a bit more active than this "under age 65" board. If you haven't looked into that site, I would encourage you to:

http://www.thealzheimerspouse.com/

The link to the discussion forum (message board) is near the top of the green menu on the left. Anita has already been very warmly welcomed there, very sweet lady.

Writing down your thoughts and feelings can also help. Something very private, to be destroyed later when you're through with this journey, so you can safely pour out whatever is in your head and heart.

You must take care of your health. MUST! Exercise is essential. I prefer walking, in a park or on the beach, somewhere beautiful and peaceful. My husband is still able to walk with me, and for us, it's a good thing to do together. You may find it more soothing to be alone, or perhaps you would get more exercise if you could walk at your own speed. Racquet sports are very good, swimming, gardening, something that gets you moving and that interests you enough to do frequently.

Try not to let AD isolate you. Find a few hours each week that you can spend with friends, or at least out somewhere, a mall or a movie. Don't spend the entire time cooped up at home. If you need tips on how to arrange for respite care for your husband, financial support, etc, post on the Caregiver Forum here, or over on Spouse.

You may want to consider therapy. The therapist my doctor recommended was not a good match for me, and I didn't pursue it after that, but some of our Spouse members have found it to be very beneficial.

You might also want to talk with your doctor about antidepressants. With all you are facing, they might help you gain the peace of mind and strength that you need.
Anonymous
Posted: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 5:40 PM
Originally posted by: tiggermom

My husband is not yet in the late stages, he's mid - he is 62 and I am 52 - so this is something that we never expected. I too am finding that most support groups are much older than me and even older than my mother. Plus my 20 year-old daughter in college really has no support. I am sad and angry all the time and just when we get to a place where our lives are adjusting to a bit of stability, some new symptom develops that just starts the period of mourning and adjustment all over again. This disease is relentless and in my face all the time. How do you keep from spiraling ever deeper in despair as your young spouse becomes more and more debilitated?