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just wants to return home
Internal Administrator
Posted: Thursday, January 5, 2012 7:56 PM
Joined: 1/14/2015
Posts: 40463


Originally posted by: Shapiro

Any ideas for this problem....what can I do with a 91 yr old who doesn't realize she is home. She thinks she is traveling. I think this is because travel was once a part of her life? She keeps saying she wants to return home. Would someone come pick her and her bags up and take her home. When we explain that she is home and point to things in the home that are her she says yes she knows but then asks how will she get home. This has been going on for about a week.
Anonymous
Posted: Thursday, January 5, 2012 7:56 PM
Originally posted by: whouston1

quote:
Originally posted by Shapiro:
Any ideas for this problem....what can I do with a 91 yr old who doesn't realize she is home. She thinks she is traveling. I think this is because travel was once a part of her life? She keeps saying she wants to return home. Would someone come pick her and her bags up and take her home. When we explain that she is home and point to things in the home that are her she says yes she knows but then asks how will she get home. This has been going on for about a week.


Shapiro,
My mom had similar issues when she had skipped taking her memory medications such as aricept and namenda. She would also hallucinate that she was living out in the woods and didn't know where she was. This was resolved upon taking her meds properly.
Anonymous
Posted: Thursday, January 5, 2012 7:56 PM
Originally posted by: JLN

My experience is in a LTC facility setting. Probably the most uttered phrase of those living with dementia is expressing the need to go home, or to get out.

Perhaps taking mom out for a drive and going back home would work as a redirection. In addition to getting her some fresh air this might help her find some satisfaction. If it (wanting to go home) continues and she is happy to be 'going home' you could make it a part of your daily routine, assuming time allows. If you have old souveniers from trips she has taken, maybe make a rummaging box so she can reminisce about the trip.

Re: Brad's comment

Always keep up on the meds, changes and contact with the doctor regarding mood or routine changes. Often overlooked and often just what is at the root of the problem. Good call Brad!

Hope this helps...please post again and let us know how she is doing.
Anonymous
Posted: Thursday, January 5, 2012 7:56 PM
Originally posted by: Andrea L.

Mark,

You need to get a caretaker, if you don't already have one. Please remember to take care of yourself.
Anonymous
Posted: Thursday, January 5, 2012 7:56 PM
Originally posted by: Marcus

My 77 year old mother got a UTI and started taking her "take as needed" medication regularly.She was packing everyday and wanting to go home everynight.I tried to make her realized that this was her home.She had been living with me for 3 years now.I sent her to my sister that she lived with before living with me.Half the time she did not recognize her.Talking about that other lady.We tried the other sister who she had lived with before this sister.Same thing.Once the UTI was cleared up,which can cause this kind of confusion,we had her checked for signs of a stroke.No signs.The Dr. asked her questions.She didn't know the state that we live in much less the address.What day of the week or even what season we where in.So he started her on Aricept.Alzheimer's Medication.She quit packing and stated she realized that she didn't have another home after a month on the 5 mg.Two months on full strength 10 mg she thinks it is funny that she did not recognize her daughters.She stated that she can still see the house in her mind that she was wanting to go to,but don't know why she thought it was hers for she has never saw this house before.She knows everything now.Her address,phone number even her social security number,keeps up with her meds and what day of the week it is and the date.ONE THING THAT I HAVE LEARNED IS "IF IT DON'T MATTER IT REALLY DON'T MATTER.Oh,I would argue with her if she is going to burn down the house but if she says "The sky is Purple today" I would have her checked by her Dr.for an UTI or signs of stroke and tell her "Yes it is Mom Isn't It Beautiful?"
Anonymous
Posted: Thursday, January 5, 2012 7:56 PM
Originally posted by: aventurapack

Home is one the moment crisis It might be at bed time while we request to dress her nightgown ,she goes for the jeans .
An unbearable eating behavior to stuff her mouth to the chocking point.Hard to monitor .
Incontinence urinary and fecal and so on...
Anonymous
Posted: Thursday, January 5, 2012 7:56 PM
Originally posted by: Mark Michael

I empathize, my wife has early onset AD and is only 56. While her memory difficulties have been apparent for the last 5 or 6 years, the last 9 months have been precipitous. In the last month she has wandered up the road we live on crying because "everyone left and she doesn't know how to get home" and even called 911 because she didn't know where she was... while sitting at our kitchen table.

This level of confusion is new and sudden for me. Our youngest is away at college and I have to work during the day. I am coming apart at the seams.
Anonymous
Posted: Thursday, January 5, 2012 7:56 PM
Originally posted by: roses

Oh boy...does that bring back memories(although that may be the wrong choice of words). I went through this for years. And it took me forever to learn, there is almost no convincing her. If you leave notes and pieces of mail with her home address visible, she may recognize it. Even when I would prove to my mother that she was home, that recognition would only last a few minutes. And the more I tried to convince her, the more frightened she became because it was obvious to her(in her mind) that she wasn't home. So she thought she was being lied to on top of being scared. Tell her that you will take her home; agree with her...show her how wonderful her "new home is" and go along with her. Tell her that you are tired or not feeling well and will take her back the next day; or make up some other excuse. I think that should ease her mind. As apostscript to this story, my mother is pretty indifferent to her surroundings now. But I bought her a mothers day plaque a few years ago that reads "Home is Where the Mom is." She loves it and I just wish I had it when she was going through that stage. Stay in touch and let me know how things are going!
Anonymous
Posted: Thursday, January 5, 2012 7:56 PM
Originally posted by: Genie

My husband is 70. I am 55 and work full-time. He has been attending adult day care twice a week since Mar. and I am now trying to get him there more often when he is cooperative. In the last month, he has packed his suitcases at least three times, cleaned out his dresser, etc. and wants to know when we are leaving to go home. He also asks about his parents and about the cows being lost or some other such thing. He grew up in Italy and tended cows before coming to the US when he was 18. I give him his medicine so I don't think that is what is causing the problem. What are the signs of a UTI? Maybe this is just part of the disease. It is very frustrating when these things occur because it is difficult to remain calm which I know I should do but many times I react like I should be locked up. One stepdaughter hasn't called their dad or seen him in over a month. The other one hasn't contacted him since Aug. and his son is useless. Being a sole caregiver is hard.
Anonymous
Posted: Thursday, January 5, 2012 7:56 PM
Originally posted by: Shapiro

We have the same issue. As I have said before my relative will say she wants to go home. Sometimes she will say she just got back when she has not been anywhere. If she says she just got back I just let it go. But when she is wanting to go home I say you are at home in your home where you have lived for 56 yrs. This is where you are going to stay. Then I give a list of all the things about the house. We are by the lake. Remember the pool right outside. You told me that right here in the lving room your friends waited for you the day you brought your daughter home. I don't know if this makes her think she is at home but it brings her comfort to talk about all these things she does remember. And the anxiety about going home passes at least for the momemt. Sometimes the caregivers will walk her thru the house and she talks to the caregiver about all the things in the house. It seems to settle her. My belief is they are thinking of a home of the past. They are back in the past in their mind so what they see doesn't look familiar to them. One time I tied a red bow in the kitchen and I explained to her that whenever she sees the red bow she knows she is home. It didn't work. Talking thru it seems to work but she doesn't get too wild about going home. It is actually kind of sad because she looks at me and sadly says "I want to go home."
Anonymous
Posted: Thursday, January 5, 2012 7:56 PM
Originally posted by: jujee47

My mom passed away on January 14 of this year. I miss her every day. She was always wanting to go home. Trying to find her mother and father. She was living back when she was younger. That's the way I took it. First thing I said after she passed was, now she is finally home with her parents. She is happy now.
Anonymous
Posted: Thursday, January 5, 2012 7:56 PM
Originally posted by: Vicki B

You might want to try the find button and key in going home. You will find lots of posts on the subject.
Anonymous
Posted: Thursday, January 5, 2012 7:56 PM
Originally posted by: Patti L

You need to figure out what home your mom is refering to. What I mean is your mom could be living in her mind 30 years ago. If she did not live in this house 30 years ago, she would not recognize it as home. Ask her questions about where home is, what it looks like, how do we get there, etc. Let her tell you where she thinks home is. Maybe you can than create the home to some extent that she is remembering and help calm her down.

Hope this helps.
Patti