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Selfishness
Anonymous
Posted: Saturday, January 7, 2012 9:16 AM
Originally posted by: LDIL

quote:
Originally posted by TCT:
thanks bb girl. I just wrote how mad I am and how selfish I can be before reading everone elses thoughts, then felt really bad. I am so glad you all got to grow up with parents who love you, and am so very sorry that you all have to go through the pain of losing them. I am really not the heartless person I seem. And should not have wrote what I did. My father was only a good dad to his last set of stepchildren who love him dearly. But I am still the caregiver, guess because I am the oldest of all of us. So please, anyone who reads my first discussion, please don't read it. It is bad. I just needed to vent. Guess I should have done that on paper instead. I appologize to everyone.
Sincerely, My Deepest Thoughts and Prayers for all of you.


Hi TCT...welcome, sorry you have to be here but since you are...come to the caregvers site and pull up a chair.

I hear what you are saying but I am here to tell you you are not alone.

Most here had loving relations with their folks or at least share a loving feeling with them. Not all tho. There are a couple that I know of for sure that didn't. They post about it...I will try to find some quotes for you and will post them for you.

Cmon over share your thoughts feelings and struggles with us over at the caregivers. We will try to help you thru this as best we can.
Anonymous
Posted: Saturday, January 7, 2012 9:16 AM
Originally posted by: LDIL

ACtually I am going to make you do something here..sorry.. Smiler

Van posted awhile back...sums up alot of feelings you may share.

Go to the caregivers section. At the top..you will see a find button. hit that. Type in the following. "no love lost"

Van posted it..you are not alone and you are not selfish. You are human. and you are safe and amongst friends here.
Internal Administrator
Posted: Saturday, January 7, 2012 9:16 AM
Joined: 1/14/2015
Posts: 40463


Originally posted by: TCT

Hi to whomever is there. I just learned this is here. My father was diagnosed with Dementia in 2000, we were never close, yet I am the one stuck with taking care of his needs, although he has been in a nursing home for almost 3 yrs. now. I worked in that same place for 2 1/2 yrs. till I just got too stressed. Am at home now, still wondering what the difference is between dementia and alzheimers. I stay confused, I see dad most days, at least 2 hours at a time. I am the only one he is allowed to call, and I help the facility when they need it when he gets out of hand at times, and that is becoming more often these days. He keeps us all stressed, although no one wants to see him leave and go to a place that is probably better equipped to care for him. He is a great handful, yet adored by everyone there at the home. I find myself trying to stay home more often, and not go there as much, and sometimes don't care how they feel if I don't come and see him. I am the only one in the family who can stand to see him the way he is now, except to those who live too far away to help. It is a battle of wills with the two of us most visits. I try the "join their world" technique everyone suggests, but that "always" seems to escallate the problem he has hallucinatingly brought on to himself. When he says he has done something, I have to try, against all odds, bring him to as close to reality as I can get him by telling him he has not done whatever awful thing he thinks he did, rather than go along with him. He seems more settle, if only for a few minutes, when I ease his mind, rather than when we go along with him and try to solve something we know nothing about. I don't know if I'm making sense at all. I just thought I would appear. The Social Worker at the nursing home said there was a place online here that might be able to give me the support I have been needing. If I am in the wrong area, will someone please guide me to the right place? Thank you.
Anonymous
Posted: Saturday, January 7, 2012 9:16 AM
Originally posted by: Jim Broede

Sounds to me, Terri, like you are giving, giving, giving. Of yourself. That's what I define as the opposite of selfishness. You are digging deep into yourself. And giving of your heart and soul. That's some pretty precious stuff. --Jim
Anonymous
Posted: Saturday, January 7, 2012 9:16 AM
Originally posted by: bb girl

Hi & welcome.
I thought you could get more insight on the Caregiver's Forum, so I re-posted there. Hope you don't mind. LOTS of caregiver's that could REALLY help!
Anonymous
Posted: Saturday, January 7, 2012 9:16 AM
Originally posted by: bb girl

PLZ don't apologize for your feelings nor for venting. This is 'definately' the place to do it! We all understand how frustrating things can be & it's better to get each other's input and/or help when needed. That's what this forum is all about. Wink

Again... welcome & I hope that re-posting in the Caregiver's forum will give you even more insight.

Take good care.
bb girl
Anonymous
Posted: Saturday, January 7, 2012 9:16 AM
Originally posted by: TCT

Thank you Jim.

Lots of people tell me that, and I do try.
But there are times when I do back off or it gets trying when things are tough and Dad and I are at wits end with each other that I do feel selfish. Guess that's just all a part of it. Thank you for the kind words and the support.
God Bless you and keep you always.
Terri
Anonymous
Posted: Saturday, January 7, 2012 9:16 AM
Originally posted by: TCT

lovingdaughterinlaw

thank you so much for sending me that info.
I got to reading so much that I didn't get away from the postings almost the whole day. Guess I was just having a bad day the first day I posted that message. But it has done me alot of good. All of you that gave me support and more info and knowing people like Van exsist has taken a huge load off of me and taken me out of the depression I know I was headed into. It sure has given me a new start. And Dad is in his few calm days right now also. So it is also helping to gear up for the next fallout that is coming. Somehow there is a routine going on. He has a bad two or three weeks where everyday is a nightmare, for him and all around him. Then he gets almost a week of calm, then he has it bad again. Someone once told my stepmother that it is like windows in his brain. He will be looking out one window and stay focused on that one subject for awhile, then the windows move, between windows seems to be the calm, then another window opens and he focuses on that subject till it goes away. Just wanted to thank you for being my angel at the time when I needed one.
Thank you bbgirl, Deborah U, and Jim Broede for the kind words and getting me back on my feet, it sure was getting hard, but have found my 'bounce back' again.
Thank you all again. God is watching over you all.

Sincerely, Terri
Anonymous
Posted: Saturday, January 7, 2012 9:16 AM
Originally posted by: TCT

thanks bb girl. I just wrote how mad I am and how selfish I can be before reading everone elses thoughts, then felt really bad. I am so glad you all got to grow up with parents who love you, and am so very sorry that you all have to go through the pain of losing them. I am really not the heartless person I seem. And should not have wrote what I did. My father was only a good dad to his last set of stepchildren who love him dearly. But I am still the caregiver, guess because I am the oldest of all of us. So please, anyone who reads my first discussion, please don't read it. It is bad. I just needed to vent. Guess I should have done that on paper instead. I appologize to everyone.
Sincerely, My Deepest Thoughts and Prayers for all of you.
Anonymous
Posted: Saturday, January 7, 2012 9:16 AM
Originally posted by: Jim Broede

You are trying to cope and to help dad through this ordeal. That's the important thing. You are trying. You aren't giving up. I think you'll find little breakthroughs here and there. They add up. Life is good when you make life a continuing chain of learning experiences. Enjoy learning. You won't regret it. --Jim