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Thoughts on love
Internal Administrator
Posted: Saturday, January 7, 2012 10:50 AM
Joined: 1/14/2015
Posts: 40463

Originally posted by: ShellyShell12

Probably not too original, but I just had the thought that sometimes love means having the courage to let someone you love hate you. I think one of the biggest fears that caregivers have in the beginning, and a fear that contributes to the denial factor, is that their loved one will hate them for what they are about to do, i.e., taking control of a bad situation they may not be able to understand. But you have to be willing to let yourself be hated. Sucks, doesn't it?
Posted: Saturday, January 7, 2012 10:50 AM
Originally posted by: ShellyShell12

God bless you, too, Val-Re.

I think courage comes in all shapes and sizes. And even though we may not necessarily face the possibility of directly dying in caring for loved ones with dementia, we do experience tremendous on-going losses, a death of what was known and safe for us, too. And certainly we are facing our own mortality by taking care of them, we all wonder if this will be the way for us, too.

Sure, I'm probably not going to get blown up by a land-mine taking care of someone, but there are many other proverbial land-mines we have to navigate. Sometimes they blow up in our faces.

And, now that I think of it, some caregivers are actually risking their own lives. Sometimes the stress of caregiving really takes it's toll, people die of heart attacks or other stress related illnesses, they neglect their own health, or tragically take their own lives because it can be so devastating to see what is happening to our loved ones. Tim Russert's wife said that he was extremely stressed over having to place his father in a facility, and believed it may have contributed to his death.

Caregivers of all stripes, whether they are taking care of someone with Alz or cancer, whatever, risk becoming isolated from their friends and even family because they are just so consumed by it, and friends and family are afraid to deal with it. That's dangerous, too.

So, yes, we are ALL warriors, we just don't wear visible armor, drive around in tanks or carry guns or missiles. Well, some of us, anyway.

Posted: Saturday, January 7, 2012 10:50 AM
Originally posted by: Val-Re

There is a politician who said in a book that courage should be reserved to label behavior that risks person' own life. I think it takes courage, devotion, really looking at the actions that go into loving someone with Alz. Loving someone is easy when it's cuddling or other expression of affection, giving a Christmas gift or a Valentine. But never easy when doing the right thing almost guarantees a look of hate or betrayal coming from a person who no longer understands how much we love them, wish for their safety and pray for a happy and peaceful day or even an hour or five minute. If growing old ain't for sissies, caring for a people with ALz. is only for warriors.

Sucks? It sure does !!!!!!!!!!
God bless you.