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A Song for Mom
Internal Administrator
Posted: Saturday, January 7, 2012 11:13 AM
Joined: 1/14/2015
Posts: 40463


Originally posted by: LMA

A Song for Mom

I wonder what you’re thinking -
What you see when you close your eyes
No longer do you see your childhood
No longer do you see mine.

Do you remember our lives so close?
Do you know how far we are apart?
Miles and states may separate us,
But it’s the mind that breaks my heart.

Memories are to cherish
It’s not fair that they slip away.
Are you sad, mad, confused -
Do you know how I long for you every day?

How do you manage
When you’re supposed to learn from the past?
I try to imagine a world
Lost, alone, not knowing what to ask.

My spirits are broken
My hopes and dreams seem to die –
I can’t grasp a world without you
It’s a race against time.

I see you standing right next to me
And sometimes I hold back
For it’s the future that I’m scared of
When I know you know not of my past.

I have such sweet memories
I long for childhood every day –
“Oh, do you remember, honey?”
Are words I long to hear you say.

I don’t want to be selfish
But I wanted to share my life…
I’m not finished growing up
I needed you for more time.


A song for mom
Spirits brighten in tune –
I’m sure there’s a lesson to be learned
Soon.

Are you scared? Are you lonesome?
Do you know what’s going through…
Our minds when we look so sad -
Have you lost that too?

I know you’re still there
Your love forever true
A bond of mother and child
Though hazy and dim in you.

If only you knew I was writing this for you –
Your heart would break in two.
For as much as you cherished me
I truly cherish you.
Anonymous
Posted: Saturday, January 7, 2012 11:13 AM
Originally posted by: One of Five

I wish I could copy and paste your poem, LMA. You spoke to my heart....I am feeling incredibly sad tonight. I live in Florida. Mom is in Connecticut. Sounds like my mom is in the same stage as your mom. She doesn't know us anymore. Conversations are incoherent most of the time. Every now and then a glimmer of 'Mom' peaks through. This disease is more than insideous. It is more than the long goodbye. It is the slow torture of stealing our lives as we knew it, negating it almost, and we can do nothing about it but watch it happen.

I used to call mom everyday and we had this ritual...I would say, 'give me a hug?' just before we would end our conversation. And mom would automatically say "uhmmmmm..uhhhh!" I would do it right back at her. And then we would giggle for the next two minutes....and she would say, "if anyone saw us just now, they'd think we were nuts!" And we would laugh...and I would cry inside.

Now, that is over. I have to rely on one of my sisters to call me when they are visiting her. The conversation is nonsensical but I make the best of it. There are no more phone hugs.

I have to hang on to the past year when she WAS there and WAS my Mom. I am so glad that we shared what we did.

Thanks for listening.

She's a shadow of yesterday

Skipping rocks across the lake
dark ripples glimmer
turn
silver, then mellow...disappear

The lake is like glass...like nothing has touched it. Ever.
Anonymous
Posted: Saturday, January 7, 2012 11:13 AM
Originally posted by: LMA

Thank you both for your kind remarks. Honestly, I never set out to share these poems, but once I did and with the responses that I've gotten, well, honestly, it's warmed my heart. I hope that I can help people and that maybe one day I could publish these and raise money for FTD (frontal temporal lobe dementia). I know my mom would be proud. I just wish SHE knew it.
Anonymous
Posted: Saturday, January 7, 2012 11:13 AM
Originally posted by: just exhibit love

Hi LMA

Awesome poem..

poetry for the soul..my friend..Namaste Rosie
Anonymous
Posted: Saturday, January 7, 2012 11:13 AM
Originally posted by: Kim D.

Thank you so much! You have put into words everything I feel about my dad. He has earley onset AD at only 57 years old. Its very hard to deal with watching his decline. That was an excellent poem!
Anonymous
Posted: Saturday, January 7, 2012 11:13 AM
Originally posted by: LMA

The other day, my dad told us that mom didn't know our address anymore. It's been her address for 40+ years. I wonder when she won't know ME anymore...

The story continues, and so I continue to write:

“As long as you have your health”
We’ve always heard it said.
They are words I long for
As I lay here alone in my bed.

The pain may come and go
But the heartache never leaves -
Travel, excitement, even just to talk -
Our old life, the loss I grieve.

My heart aches for the loss of mom
We miss her day in and day out.
Sadness, pain and heartache
It’s too much, I just need to shout!

Laying here thinking of her
It’s more than I can bear.
I long to see her smile
Her touch or stroke of my hair.

I hurt so much, inside and out
The pain of missing her so…
I cry, I scream, I think, I write
To my dreams, I try to go…

Stories of family
My utopia no longer –
They say that you learn from pain
And that pain makes you stronger.

Years ago I started wond’ring
Why mom was pulling away.
She seemed to not care or love anymore –
Growing further apart each day.

The changes were slow at first
Unperceivable by strangers and friends -
Even family seemed to not notice
Small differences, beginning to end.

Hoarding, impatience, no manners
What happened to the mom I knew?
She’d see and hear things we didn’t –
And say things that just weren’t true.

I ravished the internet, looking for clues
I asked: What could this be?
For someone to change their outlook,
Their spirit and personality?

Dementia, Picks, Lewy Bodies
Words of which I had no clue…
But words that struck a chord -
A dissonant chord unfortunately true.

Lack of empathy, comportment
No social skills at all.
Odd behavior, stopping strangers
Especially in the mall.

Can you believe my mom
Was actually arrested for stealing?
Fights, public embarrassment -
It actually leaves us reeling.

She’s there right in front of us
In front of us every day.
But she’s gone, and no longer with us
In every conceivable and possible way.

The love we once knew, the love she’d give -
Oh, sure, it’s buried deep.
But that just makes it more painful
My thoughts and dreams I long to keep:

Buried deep inside,
Emerging only in song.
Writing poems, telling stories
Makes the whole thing feel a bit less wrong.

My sadness of soul and heart
Both feel never ending –
But if I write and share and tell -
I hope one day to be mending.
Anonymous
Posted: Saturday, January 7, 2012 11:13 AM
Originally posted by: eloquentsolution

You capture my emotions. tears roll down my cheeks.

i feel fortunate that mom will be coming to stay with me, tho she slips from those who love her.
Anonymous
Posted: Saturday, January 7, 2012 11:13 AM
Originally posted by: Dawson#1

Very Beautiful! Brought tears to my eyes as I read it and thought of my dear mom. Thanks for sharing!
Anonymous
Posted: Saturday, January 7, 2012 11:13 AM
Originally posted by: eloquentsolution

your pain moves this verse from word to heart!