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Hate this.
Posted: Sunday, July 4, 2021 11:10 AM
Joined: 6/12/2016
Posts: 2355

I can’t sleep. All I can think about is Mom and Dad. I hate this disease and everything about it. I am praying that my mother will die peacefully, soon. This disease is slowly killing her, my dad and me. It has consumed us. She is totally incontinent and dad finds it helpful to give me a detailed story about every episode. I help him with her as much as possible. I go above and beyond to help them. I’m so sick of listening to him. I knew what was coming, nothing she does or will do, causes me to be surprised or shocked. I helped care for my grandmother and MIL who both had Alzheimer’s. I have read and continue to read everything I can get my hands on about dementia. I’m disgusted that he has waited so long to educate himself. I am disgusted that he still lets her make important judgment calls. Example- they don’t have in home help because SHE doesn’t want someone in the house. They won’t move back because SHE doesn’t want to. I’m just disgusted with the entire situation. Enough already. I’m tired of being the only one of three who gives a sh-t. My sister told me that moms Alzheimer’s is payback for dad being a prick for all those years. She said he is getting what he deserves. IMO that’s sick and hateful. She shows no sympathy to either parent. She avoids mom, she doesn’t talk to mom or touch her. I believe that all humans need to be touched. I sit close to Mom on the couch and hold her hand. I brush her hair, rub her feet, rub her neck. My sister literally can not touch her own mother. I don’t understand how or why she is this way. I’m very angry about all of this. Very angry. 

I wish my beautiful mother would lie down to take a nap and not wake up. She would be free from the pain and confusion of this disease. Dad would be free to have his life back. 

Posted: Monday, July 5, 2021 9:29 AM
Joined: 9/15/2015
Posts: 6

Your sister sounds to be in denial. My DW had some very good friends, I know they are not related but we are talking 50 year old friends. Once I told them she had Alz they both stopped calling and have NEVER come to see her. 

You might want to remind your sister there is NO cure. Your dear mother will pass when it is her time. Your sister will feel awful for not being close. 

As for your dad, I was similar. I had NOT a clue what Alz is. Once she was diagnosed I expected our neurologist to tell me all about the disease and what I will need to know. NO SUCH LUCK. I was told to read a book. I did and I am still reading. 

Your anger and frustration is justified. That is why they call Alz the LONG GOOD BYE. Don't feel bad if you show your anger and frustration we all do. Just do the best you can. Remember you dad has lost his companion, love, and yes even intimacy. He too may be in a mode of denial. 

Wish I could give you some good news. Pray, meditate, exercise or do whatever you need to. Keep yourself healthy as possible. You may want to talk with a counselor or a preacher or partner or just a good friend that you can vent.

Good Luck

Posted: Thursday, July 8, 2021 9:22 PM
Joined: 9/15/2020
Posts: 35

You are not alone with the resentment you have described.  I have a brother that flat out told me he will not have anything to do with support or helping with Mom's care.  And then judges me when he feels things are not done properly for her.  He thinks it's okay for him to never see her because she doesn't know who he is.  Maybe not but her spirit will know.  My other brother has POA and lives in her house rent free and calls all the shots.  His standards are soooo far below mine in everything.  

You are doing your best in a very, very unfair and disturbing situation.  Sometimes I throw my hands up and scream.  Other times she is so funny and we have a good laugh.  She's so sweet and then tells me she's going to hit me.  I'm tired in every aspect of the human condition.  Now I'm trying to go through the paperwork and search for a home for her.  More stress and frustration.  

I'm trying to be so strong for the lady that used to do all these things for me and then some.  But it's getting old.  No pun intended.  My only distraction is to try and do something good for myself as often as I can.  Just a little something.  I hope things get better soon for you.

Susan Lynn
Posted: Monday, July 19, 2021 9:22 PM
Joined: 7/19/2021
Posts: 4

It really sucks when siblings have negative attitudes. I have 3 brothers and with 2 of them I know to avoid certain topics because they believe there is NO ONE we can bring in for companion care.