There are too many firsts in my world. 

  This year was the first time I really understood what it means to be a widower.

The past August 21st was my first wedding anniversary spent without Barbara.

November 22nd was her 73rd birthday, but the only person who came to celebrate it was me.

Yesterday ( Thanksgiving day, ) I went to a restaurant we both used to enjoy, and ate a meal by myself.

Still, I am consoled by the fact that she passed without ever really suffering, at least in the physical sense. I am grateful that I was able to get a smile from her captured on camera just hours before she fell asleep, never to wake again. I am thankful that for the entirety of her walk with dementia, and then Parkinson's, I was able to physically help her. At the last, when she could not even stand using her walker, I was able to pick her up and carry her from the bed to the commode, from the commode to her wheelchair, and then from her wheelchair to her soft recliner.

I was happy to be in 2nd place during her twilight years, and now that she's passed on, I get to be first . 

Can't say I like it much.

Hi chrisp1653,

I just read your post and noticed we have some striking similarities in our lives.

Barbara and Sandy were both born in November,

Barbara and Sandy both passed away in August.

They both suffered from a form of Alzheimer's that progressed to Parkinson's.

And we both have the Bears they left behind to talk to......

I can't say anything that could make you feel better. I can only commiserate.

Your writing expresses the beautiful and true love you shared with Barbara .

  I have to believe she is there with you(and now us) because your post opened my heart to be more mindful of what my Dad may be experiencing since my Mom's passing in September.

Thank you for continuing to keep your heart open by sharing this with us.

To Space and Army Vet,

I think that I am slow to learn, and even slower to use what little knowledge I have learned, but with the passing of my Barbara - and would that I had learned this when she was alive - I have found that it is in sharing of knowledge and experiences that we gain the most wisdom.

Bless you both, and thanks for your sharing here.