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The First Reaction
Posted: Wednesday, June 25, 2014 4:24 PM
Joined: 6/20/2014
Posts: 3



I am a bit of a newcomer to this site. My dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease in 2012. Around that time he was showing signs of forgetfulness, and he kept repeating the same things over and over again. I admit I was a little bit of denial about his diagnosis, I didn't want to believe he had the disease. And since he was showing signs before he turned 65, I thought he may have early-onset (I could be wrong).



After his diagnosis, I didn't want to talk about his illness with anyone outside of my family. I thought no one would understand or people would be indifferent. To be honest, it took me quite a while to accept his diagnosis. And now that I have, I have become an advocate for the Alzheimer's Association to raise awareness. Coming to this site, I actually feel better opening up to those who have the same problem as me.


I'm afraid my dad is in a terrible position because around six months ago, he had a heart attack, and a stroke. Right now he's in a rehab facility recovering and doctors are taking it one day at a time. It sounds like I'm venting, but I thought I should get everything out in the open.


My question to all of you would be, how did you first react when your loved one was diagnosed with Alzheimer's/Dementia?









But that was my first reactions to my dad's diagnosis. It was denial, fear, and sadness. My question to all of you would be, how did you first react when your loved one was diagnosed?



Posted: Wednesday, June 25, 2014 9:24 PM
Joined: 6/25/2014
Posts: 2

Hi I cried and then I sat down with her and my dad to let them know that I will be there for  them. It was a very sad time  for me, but I knew that God moved me into there home 3 years ago for a reason. It has been a hard thing for me to accept, but I knew something was wrong with my mom and was so happy that she was willing to go to the doctor. Good night
Jim Broede
Posted: Friday, June 27, 2014 2:08 PM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462



It’s not the first reaction that’s most important. But the second, third, fourth reactions. Learning how to cope. How to deal with it. Learning acceptance. And learning the meaning of true love. And practicing it – if that’s possible., And it isn’t for everyone. Read the posts of  Lonestray/Patrick for more about true love. Read his book, too. It’s inspiring. But not everyone can be a Lonestray/Patrick.  In the end, I became good at it. Actually enjoyed care-giving/loving. Became a more decent human being. Not a saint. But a decent husband. Lonestray/Patrick comes closer to saintliness. But still, he’s no saint. And doesn’t want to be. Instead, he settles for being a true lover.  A pretty lofty status. --Jim


Posted: Wednesday, August 27, 2014 12:37 AM
Joined: 8/14/2014
Posts: 49

I just found out 8 hours ago, although the suspicion was there. My mom doesn't know yet. We will be going into the doctor next week for him to tell her. That part terrifies me. How will she take it? Will she be afraid? Will she get angry? Will she be in denial? Will she feel my love?


At first I was not surprised because the signs are there. Then I cried. And I'm fearful that she will suffer loss of mobility, bodily functions at some point.


Then I spent the evening with Mom and enjoyed her company.

Posted: Wednesday, August 27, 2014 2:55 AM
Joined: 8/12/2013
Posts: 158


When my late wife showed the first signs of EOAD it was apparent that she did not wish to it to be known. My reaction from the beginning was to ask myself the question: "How would I feel in her shoes?" To that question, there are more questions than answers. Here are some: I'd feel scared of the unknown future. Would my friends desert me if they found out? Would there be someone there for me because they wanted to be? I would not wish a relative/spouse to sacrifice their life on my behalf. I'd like to feel safe, loved, protected and most of all I'd wish to feel that instinctive and unquestionable sense of being loved as dogs show for their owners.

In caring for my wife as I did, on my own, in my own way I was well rewarded with smiling eyes. I was constantly aware that our time was limited and so treasured each moment, by living in what I termed the NOW.

 It became a case of learning to expect the unexpected and being thankful each time she survived. A time for grieving could wait, so long as she lived, her spirit was present. To feel you are loved and wanted for your inner self, no matter what the superficial exterior presents, is by far the best medication to receive.


Sadly, so many care givers appear to be more concerned about themselves. As a result, the LO becomes angry, frustrated and stressed. The answer too often is to dose them up with medication. For me there was nothing too good for the woman who introduced love into my life. Regrets I'm left with a few.

Jim Broede
Posted: Wednesday, November 12, 2014 11:31 AM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462


I am curious, 305Purple. It’s been mid-summer. Since we last heard from you. How is dad doing? But more important, how are you doing?  I suspect you are learning how to handle the situation. Adeptly. Life is full of challenges. I’d not want to have it any other way. What about you? --Jim


Posted: Sunday, March 15, 2015 3:41 PM
Joined: 3/13/2015
Posts: 1

Hi. Newbie here. Realize I'm bumping an old thread but thought I'd start here.

When I found this site I spent 6 straight hours reading lol. Thank you to all who have shared here.

We had noticed a few signs with our mom for a few years but about a year ago a few big life events seemed to make her worse. Because her sister had been diagnosed with Alz we were always aware it may be the case with mom. We got a diagnosis of low-moderate and she started a med treatment. Though I like to think I was prepared, emotionally I was not quite after all. I still go through bouts of sadness, guilt, anger and I need to manage that better. Luckily she has acknowledged her condition and accepts help. One big step was accepting that she shouldn't be driving anymore even though she misses that freedom now and then.

Sometimes I think my dad is in denial but he has surprised me by taking over some tasks like the cooking and overseeing med administration.

Some days are better than others and like one poster mentioned, we have to enjoy those good days because the time may come when my mom will no longer be 'there'.