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Breaking things
Buggsroo
Posted: Sunday, January 16, 2022 1:04 PM
Joined: 3/25/2021
Posts: 337


I awoke this morning to find an African carved spoon, I collect African masks and art, broken and thrown into the garbage. My husband has started to yell, make really strange noises and smash things. I was too late getting to a well loved Korean mask, he had pitched it in the garbage. To say I was upset was an understatement. He apologized but to me it is meaningless, he forgot he even did it moments ago. I was able to rescue the pieces of my spoon and glue it back together, but honestly felt quite violated.

I know I am supposed to be understanding but I am getting quite tired of this sh--. I have started to clear the house of all breakables and have hidden them away. Being a designer, I love looking at my tchotchkes because they inspire me to do design. 

Thanks for listening. Off to lick my wounds.


Paris20
Posted: Sunday, January 16, 2022 1:23 PM
Joined: 5/30/2019
Posts: 355


Buggsroo, you have every right to feel as you do. I go through similar emotions when my husband has his loony moments. In the last several months, when he sees an upsetting story on the news, he starts talking about taking a gun (we have none) and putting those a-holes in their place. He sounds like a dumb fool, the opposite of who he used to be. It makes me crazy. He has lost two gold wedding rings so I bought two cheap versions at WalMart. He has lost both of them too, so now I lie and tell him he put his ring upstairs. I know these behaviors are the manifestation of their broken brains but the loss of your precious possessions must really hurt. I’m sorry for your losses…all of them.
Quilting brings calm
Posted: Sunday, January 16, 2022 1:29 PM
Joined: 10/16/2020
Posts: 927


It’s hard to have to child proof your home for someone who can reach places infants and toddlers never found.  On top of that, you are now the memory holder for both of you and your  memorable objects are being destroyed. Added to the fact that you are more or less confined to your home due to the difficulties and now can’t even have desirable objects to look at.
Tfreedz
Posted: Sunday, January 16, 2022 10:17 PM
Joined: 11/26/2021
Posts: 138


Ugh! It’s so hard to stay a step ahead when our LO’s can be so unpredictable. Something you thought was relatively safe, turned out not to be and now you have to fume over it without him even getting it. Sorry that happened, I hope you at least had some photos of the Korean mask.
RobertsBrown
Posted: Monday, January 17, 2022 12:33 AM
Joined: 6/13/2018
Posts: 67


Hey Buggsroo,

I get you 100% Add 'hiding/losing' to that same idea.  My loved one is/was my partner, and what's mine is hers, or so I remind myself.  This disease has given pretty clear warning that if I outlive my spouse I will be the proud owner of property and possessions in disrepair.  It's hard to watch the destruction, and I try to put up the most fragile and likely targets of dementia harassment, but there is always something to surprise me.  Clothes get torn up, picture books get taken apart and scattered, jewelry and small objects disappear.  It's very hard, and I feel it right alone with you.  I took my wedding band off for a shower 3 days ago, and have not seen it since, but....it's got to be *somewhere*, right?

The worse she gets, the less this happens.  There is a tendency to focus on fewer things, and she runs out of steam quicker.

I refer to her actions as being urgent but unfocused.  A constant worrying of objects until they are destroyed or interest is refocused on the next thing.


abc123
Posted: Monday, January 17, 2022 8:08 PM
Joined: 6/12/2016
Posts: 2341


Buggs, I'm sorry about your collection being damaged. I hate this disease! Nothing is off-limits, nothing at all and that infuriates me. Once again, I'm sorry.
Buggsroo
Posted: Monday, January 17, 2022 9:06 PM
Joined: 3/25/2021
Posts: 337


Thank you all.

I feel silly being upset about my things but the ones I really love are from Africa, where I have such amazing memories. I loved my time there and I can’t go back for quite awhile. 

The sad thing is that I have bought him clothing and he doesn’t care, he has become such a difficult person to be around. Gratitude is nonexistent and he gives me ‘tude in spades. He is especially a pain when  I am working.

As for my things, I have rescued a number of them and placed them out of reach. Sadly, I don’t see them but I know they are safe. 

 


Gig Harbor
Posted: Monday, January 17, 2022 10:11 PM
Joined: 3/10/2016
Posts: 973


I am sorry that your husband is being so destructive. His behavior can keep you in a constant state of anger and that is not good for you. As soon as my husband starts showing confusion I find myself tensing up and feeling angry. I wish I could feel only compassion the way some caregivers do but unfortunately I don’t. I took care of patients for 40 years and worked extra years when I knew my husband had early dementia and now I feel resentful. I wanted to be able to afford care and that was more important than retiring. He on the other hand has had 21:years of retirement and I did pretty much everything. Now I do everything and he is blissfully unaware. As soon as my husband starts obsessing about something I make it disappear. Our house is becoming quite spare looking. Once you start removing your favorite things it probably won’t even feel like your home but at least things will be safe and someday you will be able to bring them out again. Hang in there.
DrinaJGB
Posted: Tuesday, January 18, 2022 8:01 AM
Joined: 6/23/2021
Posts: 426


I get it.

 My DH has OCD to make things even a more interesting sh**soup on our daily journey.

  Just last night I had a meltdown because he will go into the bathroom and stay for a half hour. I can hear him opening and closing the drawers repeatedly. He has already broken one of the drawers that I had to take to someone to repair.

 The thing that really upsets me is that he does the same thing with his dresser. It belonged to my father and is a beautiful antique. He slams the drawers daily. The dresser is very sturdy, but I fear he is also going to break a drawer. It sends me over the moon.

  I know I should be patient but this really gets under my skin. I am very close to having the dresser removed from his bedroom and placing all his crap in plastic bins.

  Geez. Will there ever be a day without having to deal with "crazy"????