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A dangerous dilemma.
Jim Broede
Posted: Wednesday, March 28, 2018 12:22 AM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462


Let’s face it. Let’s be honest. Not everyone is suited for the role of care-giver. Some care-givers have no business being care-givers. They probably do more harm than good. Not only to the recipient of the shoddy care. But to themselves, too. Unfortunately, they often have no other choice. They have to forge ahead. They are stuck. By circumstance. In a role they hate. And that makes the situation even worse. Really, they’re in need of help. And don’t get it. Don’t we all know care-givers that should leave the caring too others? I’ve met some. Odd as it may seem. Some even work in nursing homes. Makes me wonder, why? They are living in hell. Indeed, it’s sad. I sense that most, if  not all of you, are coping. Adequately. Maybe the ones that aren’t, don’t even bother coming to the message boards. For help. For counseling. For whatever it takes. To deal with their dangerous dilemma. --Jim
Bob Sacamano
Posted: Wednesday, March 28, 2018 7:23 AM
Joined: 1/31/2012
Posts: 499


Like most men, I'm very task oriented. I get satisfaction by crossing things off of my list of things to do for my LO for that particular day. But as far as providing emotional support for my LO, I'd say that I'm often clueless.

In contrast, when my sister enters the room, our mom brightens up. She is so good at bonding with our mother. She can say the right things to make mom happy. However, my sister has no interest in doing the daily grunt work.

So no, I'm I don't feel that I'm cut out for this. I would not pursue it as a career, even if it was financially rewarding (which unfortunately it isn't). But overall, I in spite of my one failing, I think (I hope) that I'm providing her high quality, end of life care.

 


ruthmendez
Posted: Wednesday, March 28, 2018 10:01 AM
Joined: 9/8/2017
Posts: 2330


Hey Bob, I'm not that much different. I'm not really affectionate....so I'm glad I'm a caregiver for a man and not a woman.  My mama didn't raise no softy here...so this is sort of a challenge for me.  I just get the work done, make sure dad is clean all the time, well fed...try to take him out....but I'm not touchy lovey.

I've learned to kiss him...never did that before ever to either of my parents.  So, this is weird.


Jim Broede
Posted: Wednesday, March 28, 2018 10:15 PM
Joined: 12/22/2011
Posts: 5462


My observation. Women aren't necessarily better care-givers than men. But more women give it a try. They have the courage to step in and fill the gap. --Jim
DavidsSon
Posted: Thursday, March 29, 2018 12:40 AM
Joined: 3/29/2018
Posts: 14


What I have read it is about two thirds females taking care of parents. It is not a high paid job. My dad is not easy to care for and we will have to place him soon for the sake of the family. He is up all hours and keeps my family up. He is rearranging drawers and closets, also he hallucinates and talks constantly to himself.
ruthmendez
Posted: Thursday, March 29, 2018 1:01 AM
Joined: 9/8/2017
Posts: 2330


Hi DavidsSon.  Yes, you are making the right choice. If I had a family, older in age, unhealthy, or unable to provide care for my father while I'm at work, I most likely wouldn't be taking care of my father.  Other arrangements would have to be made.  Don't let anyone make you feel awful for placing your father.  When it gets to the hardest part of this disease, which is where your father is entering now, other people who haven't experienced that with their loved ones have no clue.  This disease is unique. 

It is very stressful for the family.  I'm glad you're considering your wife and children  Please keep visiting us and at the caregiver's forum whenever you need advice, suggestions, support.  

Take care.

 


DavidsSon
Posted: Thursday, March 29, 2018 1:14 AM
Joined: 3/29/2018
Posts: 14


The places we saw had only one staff person at night for fifteen people. Unless my dad is drugged up, they will never be able to handle him. That's why we have him at our house, because we thought we could handle it, but he is now up all hours of the night. It keeps me up, my wife up, plus our kids. How can he not be tired?
ruthmendez
Posted: Thursday, March 29, 2018 1:16 AM
Joined: 9/8/2017
Posts: 2330


And David, there is one guy that keeps popping up in the other Caregiver's forum that talks about not imprisoning loved ones-Don't listen to that BS.  He has no clue.
ruthmendez
Posted: Thursday, March 29, 2018 1:18 AM
Joined: 9/8/2017
Posts: 2330


David, my father's psychiatrist prescribed a stronger antipsychotic dose for my dad for bedtime.  Otherwise, none of us would get some sleep.  That's just what we have to do.  I didn't want to have him drugged either, but we had to.
DavidsSon
Posted: Thursday, March 29, 2018 1:24 AM
Joined: 3/29/2018
Posts: 14


Ok, thanks, I think this is our next course of action is a visit to the neurologist to see if we can get the night times under control. Thanks.
DavidsSon
Posted: Thursday, March 29, 2018 1:25 AM
Joined: 3/29/2018
Posts: 14


Or psychiatrist. I'll see who can take us sooner.