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Geriatric (care?) manager
Posted: Saturday, January 14, 2012 2:23 PM
Joined: 12/21/2011
Posts: 2431

I have read this term before, and never thought we'd need one...but I wonder if we should hire one...


Can anyone tell me more about them, or how to direct me to find more info? Any experience?  how much does one usually charge?  Is it a one time thing?


thanks so much....


I AM JUST SO TIRED!  My battery is going down, I'll either edit this or add to it when I get it hooked up

Posted: Saturday, January 14, 2012 2:34 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 3983


The focus of a geriatric care manager is to help keep your loved one home as long as possible.  They help with arranging caregivers and managing medicine, transportation to doctors appts. and other things - it is supposed to be especially good if you live in another city - they can go by and check on your parent to make sure they are doing ok.


I researched this locally and found that many geriatric care managers are RN's.  There are some companies which seem to be a combination of attorneys and geriatric care managers.  I didn't see a need for me to have a company like that involved since all I'm trying to do is find a way to get my mom to take her medicine and have someone local to my parents who can run by in an emergency to help them while I drive over.


The company I selected said it was the first home care company established by nurses.  I thought this would be good since my mom is an RN and she respects other nurses, mostly.


Anyway, I selected a geriatric care manager who is an RN. I talked to her at length and she's super nice and I feel very comfortable with her and confident in her abilities.  I haven't been able to hire her yet - have to get acceptance from my dad first - but I'm working on it. 

Posted: Saturday, January 14, 2012 2:38 PM
Joined: 12/21/2011
Posts: 2431

I am worn out.  just, worn out.


My father called this morning, good spirits.  My mom was getting a manicure and all was good.   He told me my sister and her kids were coming, so I kind of thought I'd take it easy.  Again, I AM TIRED! 


Then he called me before they were going to lunch.  My mom was tired, he was tired...she had just taken a nap, but was still tired.  Right away, I knew I HAD to go.  I don't feel guilty and feel like I have to run down there, but I do know that things can go wrong.  I was kind of misguided to keep some of this stuff to myself in the last two years...I kind of took for granted that others would get this.  If my mom is not comfortable, she's actually miserable.


I got ready, and was there in a short time.  They were eating in the IL area, and it was nice.  A lot of people had company to visit.  My mom looked worn out.  Of course!  They were so so busy yesterday!  My father has to learn a rhythm, of doing things and then ''chillaxing''.  Both my parents just worked so much, never hit the ''off'' button.  and long ago they should have!


But when my mom is worn out, she won't eat well.  There's Dad, finishing his meal!  Mom had eaten some food, but not ''enough'' in my opinion.  She didn't want more, and looked liked she wanted to be in bed.


She wanted go to to the bathroom.  My father told me quietly that she already had gone.  That's ok - if she wants to go, no problem, even though it is a bit of a problem!    So I took her and she visibly looked better.  She was up for ice cream, and fruit.


My father had re-heated her remaining food and I always get this feeling - why can't I tell you things, without looking like a (cough) witch.  He gets in these moods where he ''knows best.'' So I don't say much.  She had NO interest in the remaining foods.  I think he ate the rest of the food.  Fine.  As long as she got ice cream, water, fruit, she had had a good amount of food.


Then some of the staff from different areas talked to them, and they both enjoyed the conversation.  So then I do wonder if my mom could live in IL?  (she's improved quite a bit, but still has confusion, of course).  But someone OTHER THAN ME is needed for these basic things, because I'm going back in a while (meaning, to be there two times a day, back and forth, and help her with everything is tiring.  Hope that makes sense.  And it's tiring for him, too, because he then helped her again when we got back to her room.  It's the miralax, I'm sure.)


My mom was then riled up after the meal (hard to say why, more another time).  Part of it I think is that my father gets tired and then kind of ''checks out.'' While of course my mom is in a wheelchair, and is in a different situation.


I took my mom to the main area, and we talked.  I hold her hand, do reassuring things. 


I guess I could write this up for the family who are able to visit, but REALLY, EVERYONE else wants to think they know it all!  ergh...


I had the idea when I was getting some pizza on my way home (so simple and nice to eat!) that perhaps a geriatric manager would be a help for us.


I don't believe the social worker has been the help she could be.  I had a bad experience with her from the beginning, and I'm not sure about some things.


I have some friends who are social workers.  i considered it myself at one point.  So I have nothing against them.  but this particular one has been - ugh.  Annoying.  I liked the one in the hospital a lot.


Oh well. thanks for any help!

Posted: Saturday, January 14, 2012 2:53 PM
Joined: 11/29/2011
Posts: 799

It is completely exhausting!  What gets me is the people who don't realize how exhausting it really is when someone is placed.  People think we have it so easy.  I'm just harping on something that someone at my (former) job said to me, that she didn't understand why I was still so busy now that my mother is placed. 


I'm just chiming in for support, I know this is exhausting and hard for you.  I don't know enough about geriatric care managers, but I do know that if I couldn't see my mother at all then I would look into hiring one to be my "surrogate" to make sure someone is looking after her.

Posted: Saturday, January 14, 2012 3:00 PM
Joined: 12/21/2011
Posts: 2431

Oh, MacyRose, thanks!  I think some GM can help with finding the best place for a loved one to be placed.  That's more my interest.  But - not sure?


I think even the local law firm can help with that (perhaps from a financial perspective)


I really LIKE the idea about the nurses though.  That is what I need help with!


First, I do want someone to kind of say - this is what someone in your mom's position needs - to my father!  I know they have a meeting for the whole shebang in the place, but I would also like help from ''the outside'' if there is a not a person to filll the role I'm thinking about.


they have good nurses there. I  like them a lot.  But I need someone that can relate to my father, not sure if these have so far (where they really work with the idea that staying at home is not the right thing, that my mom is loving the socialization here).


Not sure about the doctor, either, another longer story.


But when I see my mom really enjoy the socialization of the different levels - both in the SN and the IL, I'd like to have a plan where both my parents could have the highest level of that, with help for the basics (to relieve my father and I at times, and to keep her ''dignity'' in a sense. )  I saw one rehab place that uses ''skilled dementia nurses.''   Even the aides, I think.   Don't want to move her there, just wonder what's out there.


I'm not sure if my mom has really seen's hard to ask those questions.  They're very sweet, but I'm not sure about the training.  I do think the nurses have the training...but maybe it's more that my mom wants to be active, and they may be more used to the more inactive folks?  my mom told me today she wants to dance every day!  And doesn't want to be an old lady   And she means it.


I see a lot of women in the IL with aides.  In other words, they can live there, with the help of a companion / aide.  I wonder how some dress themselves and toilet?  I don't want to ask a lot of personal questions of the aides, who are very nice to me.


Just trying to puzzle this thing out.


My mom mentioned about going home, again, of course.  this is when I take her hand and go in the bright area, roll her around in the chair...They didn't have any singing, that would have helped.


I told her in front of my father that if they came home (joking) that I would check myself into a mental asylum!  (after all I did to help, my  father was so !!@& grumpy still)


This is a hard weekend for me.  It's my ''birthday weekend.''  It's a long weekend, a lot of people go away, do fun things.


I'm happy to help, but when do people say - hey- enough for her!


I do have something to go to tonight, but not sure how much energy I have.  I might save it for something else tomorrow.


My mom thanked me SO much when I went to help her.  and I know I did help her.  She felt so much better.


I just wonder if a few things could be done to help them, but I'm not sure what!

Posted: Saturday, January 14, 2012 3:10 PM
Joined: 12/21/2011
Posts: 2431

Marjk wrote:

It is completely exhausting!  What gets me is the people who don't realize how exhausting it really is when someone is placed.  People think we have it so easy.  I'm just harping on something that someone at my (former) job said to me, that she didn't understand why I was still so busy now that my mother is placed. 


I'm just chiming in for support, I know this is exhausting and hard for you.  I don't know enough about geriatric care managers, but I do know that if I couldn't see my mother at all then I would look into hiring one to be my "surrogate" to make sure someone is looking after her.

   Thanks Marjk, exactly.  And to think there's any chance that she might come home, undo all the good that's been done....I really mean I will drive out the drive way if I see them coming!  i can't even get the things I want done now, but I put them off if something could be helped to make them want to be there now.


It's just that my father did say something to Mom about going home, when she said it.  That's when I jumped in and started saying, this is so much better here, you're staying here etc ec.


The message is really to my father!  Life IS better for them there, and if they had a private room or apartment, things would be better just because there'd be more space, and it would be ''theirs.''


I knew it would be work for me still.  I never thought it wouldn't.  But I probably thought I would be the one doing all the work to help her settle in.  My father does a lot, and it's really too much for him.  I think they don't like always having to call an aide and wait for the bathroom.  My mom can't wait often. 


But when he doesn't pick up the reins (is that the right spelling?!) things can fall apart.


In other words, they go to the one area to eat, thinking it will be like last night.  But I really did plan that.  he doesn't even see sometimes what I do, to help.  That's ok in a way.  He's so happy to talk to other people. 


if my mom does keep getting stronger, she may be able to do some things herself.


But it's more like what you said - if I can't be there, who can help?  That would make things ''ok'' I think in a lot of ways.  My mom is already doing so much better than even last week.  And I am going back for dinner.  Lunch WAS enjoyable!  I just wish I could catch some energy some where!


Thanks for your words

Posted: Saturday, January 14, 2012 3:19 PM
Joined: 12/21/2011
Posts: 2431

I have seen the kitchen staff at the IL really help the residents.  Take their orders, bring food to them.  Very kind.


But my parents have to 1) learn what's available to help them  2) work with others  3) let others help them


I could write more, but I'm just worn out.


I think my siblings want my mom to be there.  it might even by why my father put the meeting off.  It was also Christmas.  It hasn't been rescheduled.  my mom sees the surgeon next week, I think thing will then move along from that.


The way my father looks at me sometimes when I talk about how tired I am almost cracks me up.  Even he is a little like, ''tell me what you do again?'' 


My father was surprised the first night that he was back here that I was out past 9.  Lol.  I used to work in NYC, stayed out all the time, went to all kinds of parties and clubs in college, etc.  Just kind of a typical person!  I didn't live here all the time, but they knew I had a busy life.


I have gotten in the habit of being back in the house when my mom was here, but about 8 PM.  She worried about me SO much!  If I was out ''late'' (past 8:30!), she'd give me a hard time (jokingly) about being out ''all night.''


So I guess my father thought I always wanted to be back in the house at 8 PM?  Even in the summer!  I ''had'' to, because she'd have such anxiety.


She doesn't seem to worry about me when she's where she is!





Posted: Saturday, January 14, 2012 11:10 PM
Joined: 12/21/2011
Posts: 2431

I really feel disappointed in this social worker.  Angry even?  I asked my father if she's talked to him at all, and he said no, except to say hello in passing.


aren't we supposed to be able to talk to her and get help?


Is there some kind of ''code'' for them?  I pretty sure she's licensed and all that.


I told my father I spoke to the manager of the AL and memory units.  or, whatever her official title is.  I wanted my father to see the memory unit, because my mom walked out of her room yesterday. 


 of course, she was walking at home.  And she wanted to ''go find the fun'' because she had been singing earlier.


I told the manager that she had walked out of her room, her eyes opened up wide!


I know what happens, people saw my mom when she came in, and she probably looked like someone who wouldn't be walking again!  But I knew she would, plus, the p/t and o/t are helping her to want to be more independent.


I have some feeling of unease all the time, with some of these things happening.  If my father and she had an apartment or some room together, some of that would ease up for me.  he can't watch her all the time, I mean, she walked out when he went to use the microwave.  But I think she has some feeling of missing attention, esp since she got so much from me.


I was the person caring for her, my father left most of it to me...and now he's ''in charge'' and I'm worried...


thanks for listening...we're just going through things that I hope can get better...



Posted: Saturday, January 14, 2012 11:29 PM
Joined: 12/21/2011
Posts: 2431

I found some links 


This was relevant to me, ''


“The care manager can take some of the brunt of the anger that can occur in a family when a decision has to be made,” says Maureen Beck, a nurse practitioner and co-medical director of the University of Texas Health Science Center at Houston. “They get to buffer some of the emotional stress as well as go in and unify a family when there is a long distance situation,” she says.''


I feel that the SW at the place is not ''enough'' perhaps for our complicated family situation...She actually didn't want to listen to something I was saying.  I mean - come on.  I'm the one who has cared for my mom for almost two years...and at times, I even felt my father ''abandoned'' us...for work...


Not that I want to get into that...but, I want my mom to be ''ok''...My father ignored some of the things I wanted him to pay attention to when my mom was here... 


I did their search and found some names not far...


He might listen a little more if I told him we'd pay for the help of someone like this