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After years of care giving ... I feel lost
Posted: Tuesday, March 13, 2012 11:29 PM
Joined: 3/13/2012
Posts: 2

My Dad passed Oct 2010. 

Mom is still living in the same apartment. We are still slowly cleaning & going through his things. She doesn't want to move.

Sometimes I feel like I can't move on either. Still waiting for that call, he's fallen, he's going to the hospital.

It feels like I'm lost, looking for the road to get back on.


Waiting for a cure
Posted: Wednesday, March 14, 2012 1:57 AM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 295

Eileen, welcome back.  Your profile inspired me.  You truly have been a dedicated daughter throughout your dad's journey. Clearly he was blessed with family members who worked hard to keep him home.  


I'm sad that you're feeling unable to get back on the road of life.  My mom passed away on 1/30, and I'm working on dealing with the grief and the big changes in life, and the questions for which I'll have no answer in this life.  I'm also giving thanks for those who've supported and helped me and my family along this painful journey.  I get the feeling this week that I need to turn my attention outward.  I have a friend who's on bedrest until her child is born in June....I will try to bring her a dinner.  I know of a young family in the homeschool group I belong to....they just lost their young dad to cancer.  I'm sure I can do something for the mom, I need to find out what.


I'm not suggesting that you need to do things like that.  My point is that i feel a strong tug in an outward direction and I'm following it. I don't know what I'd do without that momentum.  It would be considerably easier to stay in bed all day, if only my own young boys would let me  


I pray you and your mom have strength together.  I pray that God bless you with some peace. Your dad is free now, without pain and confusion.  His belongings of this world aren't a concern for him anymore.  I pray that as you clean and sort through things, that his belongings and business of this world only bring you comfort, not stress.  


After what we've been through with our loved ones, I don't think we're ever the same.  But we can be different and new.  I pray you find your new road.



Beth in Indiana
Posted: Thursday, March 22, 2012 7:17 AM
Joined: 12/21/2011
Posts: 95

Hi Eileen - just wondering how you are today.  It sounds like you want to move on but with your ties with Mom, that's difficult - a constant reminder of your past life and the grief you no doubt share.  It's got to be hard while you're obviously still caregiving with your Mother.  Can you now carve out a chunk of time for just yourself and a new or old favorite hobby?  Have you been journaling?  I've found that just some time to focus on what's really happened is helpful in the process of sorting, and moving forward.  Put the busy-ness aside for an hour and just focus your thoughts on you and where you want to be in your life.  It's amazing what just an hour a week can do. We've lived so long in the caregiver pattern that it's really hard to break.  But your Dad would want you to, so would your Mom I bet.


Anyway, just wanted you to know I was thinking of you and wishing you peace.