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I Don't Know How You Can Do it...
SadinHeart
Posted: Monday, March 19, 2012 5:14 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 403


I am so tired of hearing that.

 

What am I supposed to do? I have to work. Do people expect that you fall apart 24 hrs a day or go home and hibernate for weeks and months? What will I accomplish?

 

I really wish someone would tell me what am I supposed to do?

 

Nobody really knows what you feel inside except yourself. But I dont believe I have to show my feelings all the time. Today, for example, one lady was talking to me about my parents and I chocked up and started crying when I went to tell her that I use to talk to my mom every day of my life.

 

I cry in the shower. I sometimes have a hard time putting makeup on in the morning because I will start thinking about my parents and my eyes get watery and I cant put my eye makeup on until they dry out.

 

There isnt a day that I dont think about my parents.

 

But when I think about them and wish they were alive, I think back to the days that they were so ill that I say no, not like that. I am content that they are no longer in that situation. Now, I wish they would have never been sick with this horrible disease. I wish I could have had my parents for more years. I wish I could call them like I use to.

 

 I dont even know what to do with my weekends now.  I had my life all planned out. One weekend we would go see my parents, one weekend we would go see my son and one weekend we traveled just the two of us. When I would go see my parents my husband would go see his parents that lived 30 mins away and he would pick me up by 4pm on Sunday and head home ( 4 hrs drive ). During that time we would talk about each other's weekend.

 

I miss my parents.


Waiting for a cure
Posted: Tuesday, March 20, 2012 12:27 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 295


Hi SadinHeart, 

I can hardly imagine your pain of losing both parents within ten months. My mom was the only parent I ever really knew (my dad hasn't been around since I was a baby), but we were really close, like you and your mom.

Yes, what are you supposed to do? 

Another question, what would you prefer to do?  

Some find the distraction of work and normal demands a comforting measure, others are immobilized by the pain of grief.

I'm kind of in between, if that makes sense.  My husband says I give the impression of being able to handle life as normal.  But some people's demands upon me I feel to be completely unfair and unreasonable.  These are all things that I would normally not balk at, but now almost bring me to tears.  Last night a casual comment my husband made brought me to tears, and he really meant no harm.

I think this really is part of the loneliness of the grief.  By virtue of human nature, we experience tragedies, profound losses, and yet we don't process them the same and are not comforted the same.  Thus, we don't know how to treat one another when something happens.  And as a result, those of us currently suffering are somehow alone, in addition to the loneliness created by virtue of the loss.

I am sorry that you are met with this question, the topic of your thread.

I hear the loss in your description of a life that your parents had been so much a focus of, now profoundly changed.  I pray for comfort for you.