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I'm still here
Posted: Monday, April 2, 2012 11:13 AM
Joined: 12/16/2011
Posts: 74

Been busy trying to get mom's house ready to put up for sale.

Had her estate sale a couple of weeks ago. I hated giving her stuff away for nothing. She worked so hard all her life to have nice things.

I ordered her tablet and hope it will be placed by mothers day.

I had faith, hope and love put on the bottom. She always wore a neckless that had the  heart, anker and cross on it and now i wear it.

I think of everyone everyday and I hope all of you are doing OK

Bless you all

Posted: Monday, April 2, 2012 11:27 AM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 149


Been thinking about you honey...i wear one of Mum's necklaces...its a nice touchstone for me...

I understand about the sale..I still haven't been able to bring myself to do that...

Sending warm thoughts....


SunshineAfterA Rainy Day
Posted: Tuesday, April 3, 2012 12:22 AM
Joined: 4/3/2012
Posts: 2

I didn't know your Mom, obviously, but I paid attention to what you said about finding it hard to part with the nice things she worked so hard to have.  I paid attention because I lost my mom on Feb 2nd, 2012, and I, too, am going through her things, her clothing in particular. I remember going shopping with her for many of those pieces as she used to sew her own clothes prior to that about 10 years ago when I took her shopping. Many of my memories are about how she felt so guilty spending money she had worked so hard for to buy these nice things for herself, YET she would donate money to causes or help people in need as much as she could. 


I don't know if this might help you or not.... but what helps me...... is to not think of these things as 'getting rid of' or 'giving up' or 'throwing away.  Instead, I try to think of how Mom would have wanted these things  to be enjoyed, and how much pleasure she would take from the idea that someone got to have something so NICE because she was generous.  She would have wanted someone who had a use for it to have it when she no longer needed it.


Take pictures of those things that were so nice for her and you still have a way to look back at those items she picked out and worked for.... they won't be 'gone'.


blessings to you!



Beth in Indiana
Posted: Wednesday, April 4, 2012 2:03 PM
Joined: 12/21/2011
Posts: 95

Hi - thinking of you.  I had to clean out my Mom's house when she was placed in a NH.  I took my time and it was a small house (thank GOD!) but it still took me a couple of months to get it ready for auction and estate sale. *(nothing moving on the sales market at the time and we needed the cash for NH)  At first it was therapetic, working a bit after work several nights a week.  Then it moved to 'I just want this over with'.  And finally with the auction it was 'pennies on the dollar' for all her leftover valuables. So I know what you mean.   Sad, very sad but you know the best thing about the auction was when it was done, there were just a couple of boxes to dispose of.  All the rest was gone!  No garage sales, no lingering 'what to do with's' although I admit I still, after 4 years, have a few boxes in my basement of office stuff.  Had to do it over again when she passed in the nursing home and that was another 17 boxes of stuff (and I'll probably have her filing cabinet for years) but most I could get rid of at the local good will.  It's still a huge relief to have the whole house thing off my plate.


It's a process that can help you work through a lot of feelings.  It's hard work too, no doubt, but nothing meaningful is ever easy is it?


I wish you well, take your time, enlist the help of others, cherish the good memories and I hope you get a decent price.

Posted: Thursday, April 5, 2012 12:20 AM
Joined: 12/20/2011
Posts: 84

I also am going through this process. I live 2 hours away though so I only can get down there every couple weeks. My mom was a hoarder, so there is a lot of stuff to go through. I finally completed one of the largest rooms in the house--her art room (a converted large living room). I am hoping other rooms will go faster now. What a process for sure.


We plan to have an estate sale and then donate the rest. Then we need to fix the house up and put it on the market. I can't wait to get it is a huge burden to be responsible for this house so far away...and it has been unlived in for two years.


Sometimes the process is helping me work through the loss of my mom, but other times it is just grueling work, and after several hours of doing it I need to drive two hours to get home.


Oh well, this is what we caregivers do. It is definitely making me think about what I leave behind for my only child. Once I finish my parents' house I think I will start on mine!



Waiting for a cure
Posted: Thursday, April 5, 2012 9:02 AM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 295

I'm going through my mom's stuff, but her stuff is in storage and I'm taking my sweet time.  I moved her stuff out of her house in 2009 and rented her house out.  I've had one estate sale so far and I'm going to be putting some of the stuff on ebay next time to try to get a little bit more for it.  It's not stuff I'm emotional about.  My mom was a compulsive buyer so if she bought herself summer sandals, she bought them in her size in all the colors available.  

When I went through her stuff in her bedroom at the ALF, I only took photos and a few items of clothing.  I left most of her clothes, all the stuff she'd managed to hoard there (equal packets and such), and such. I hope they let other residents use some of the stuff, like her hair dryer and the 1 piece outfits that she had to wear for a while.

I'm glad to see some activity on this board, and I much prefer to come here than the other boards.  I do visit the caregiver board and musings.  But like you, I'm not much for posting on the other boards but for a few things, for the same reasons you state. Also, I feel that other boards, especially the caregiver board, have moved on, and changed so much.  There are still some of the same people, and I welcome the new people, but the tone, the attitude, I don't know, the feel has changed.  Maybe it's me, I know I've changed.  I just don't feel it's the same vibe and I don't connect to the new vibe all the time.

Posted: Thursday, April 5, 2012 10:04 PM
Joined: 12/20/2011
Posts: 84

I check this board first now since I fit the description. Then I check the Caregivers board. I agree it does not feel the same. It doesn't seem nearly as active as it used to be. I still get good information and contribute when I feel I have something to add, but I wish this board was more active. I need the support here more than anything right now as I go through the grief process and still take care of my dad with AD.



Waiting for a cure
Posted: Thursday, April 5, 2012 11:49 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 295

I think about those of you who've cared for more than one loved one with dementia.  There are no words to express the pain, I know.  Before my mom had AD, her mom had it.  But I wasn't a caregiver for her mom.  I saw her almost daily, but my main role then was helping my mom in whatever way I could.  

I worry whenever my husband seems unusually forgetful.  I know it's not the same thing as dementia, but I worry about whether the disease will sneak up on our family again.  His parents are in their 70s....they've already both outlived my mom in terms of age.  They both work full time and pursue their own interests in their free time.  They live behind us, on the street behind us (by chance, actually).  I wonder how many years until I will be helping with their care, dementia or not.

Posted: Monday, April 9, 2012 10:57 AM
Joined: 3/11/2012
Posts: 433

I don't know if this is something you would be interested in doing or not but when my Grandparents died years ago, my Mom and all of her siblings had some of their clothes made into "memory quilts". It really brings back memories of Grandma wearing a certain dress or Grandpa wearing a certain shirt or tie. It's something that's always been very special to my Mom. I just wish she could remember her Mom & Dad wearing those clothes now.
Waiting for a cure
Posted: Tuesday, April 10, 2012 5:18 AM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 295

Oceanbum, what a great idea!  My kids and their kids would love to have such a quilt.  This reminds me just a little of a book I read to my son last year, called Grandma's Attic.  In that story, a child and a grandma talk about the grandma's quilt, with patches of different clothes bringing back memories.  That story has moral lessons though, too.
Posted: Tuesday, April 10, 2012 9:08 AM
Joined: 3/11/2012
Posts: 433

I'm glad you liked it, Waiting! My Grandma had a dress she wore to ALL of the grandkids' weddings. And there are ALOT of us!! And Grandpa wore the same suit! It was their "wedding clothes". So they are in ALL of our wedding pictures in the same outfit. Too funny! Anyways, Grandma was buried in that dress. But they kept the belt so they could use it in the quilt! Grandpa eventually got a new suit and he was buried in his new suit. So his wedding suit and shirt is in the quilt, too.! Those are the most special parts of the quilt to me!! Reminds me of them at my wedding!!