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dealing with the estate
Waiting for a cure
Posted: Friday, April 27, 2012 5:41 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 295

I'm finding it really hard to do the paperwork required of me as exectuor of my mom's estate.  For weeks I could not do simple things like make phone calls, fill out forms, talk to the bank, the attorney, etc.  I'm getting through it, and I realize it's part of the grieving process to struggle with....stuff.   


It's as if attending to these details draws out the process.  It reminds me of things, like when I first started taking care of her bills in late 2006 (I've been doing the bill s for her since but it wasn't as emotional because she wasn't gone) 


I don't know how this is really any different from just venting about the grieving process, I guess.  It just feels like a new thing.  Closing forever an account she had at the local bank, where I remember going with her monthly when she got paid, and where she took me when I was 18, to open a checking account.  The smell of that bank (kind of like the Boston Baked Beans candy you could buy from the little machines for a dime) brings back childhood memories of going everywhere with my mom, just happy to hang out together. 


Anyway, it felt good to get that said.



Posted: Saturday, April 28, 2012 10:57 PM
Joined: 12/18/2011
Posts: 3097

Luckily, my mom has no estate to close out.  The only thing I need to do is close the account that her Social Security check was put in, but I'm going to wait a bit before I do that.


I am dreading receiving her cremains, however.  Because I literally didn't even have enough money to cremate her and because she did want to donate her brain to science (and nobody would take it because she wasn't part of one of their studies), I did a body donation and she was sent to an anatomical pathology lab, where everything that can be used will be, and the rest cremated and returned to me 4-6 weeks after, which is almost here.  They took care of contacting a funeral home to pick up her body after death, having it transported to them, and the cremation with no charge to the family.  It was like a Godsend for me, I was so upset when I realized she was in the dying process and I had no idea what I was going to do.  The people there were extremely patient with all my questions and have called to check on me, which is more than our hospice has done, I do have to say.


Hospice sent a sympathy card with some information on grief and the name of the bereavement counselor.  I really loved the hospice right up until mom's death--for the on-call nurse not to have even come by or call the day she died really bothers me and just completely soured the experience.  Oh well.



Posted: Monday, April 30, 2012 11:17 AM
Joined: 12/16/2011
Posts: 74

I get what you are saying. I have so much to do and I'm dragging my feet with some of the paper work. My sister is trying to keep me on track but I'm like, you weren't around to care for her but now you want me to give you things and money.

I can't stand all of this. I just want it to go away. I still have to put her house up for sell and that means my 24yr old son needs to either come home or move into an apt.

Oh well, I take it a day at a time.

Just wanted to check in on all of you.

Hang in there

Beth in Indiana
Posted: Monday, April 30, 2012 12:00 PM
Joined: 12/21/2011
Posts: 95

I just closed my Mother's account as well last week.  Another wave of grief.  Not intolerable, just sad.  The clerk had to ask me why I was closing the account and I whispered I was closing my Mother's estate out.  I think she felt bad asking but had to for her job.  It's funny that I felt I had to whisper it in a way.  Like maybe it wasn't true if you whispered it? More like it might not hurt so much if you don't 'yell' it.   


It certainly is a process isn't it?  Longer than I ever imagined.  You would think after mourning for years the spritual loss of your loved one that would be enough.  If only that were true.  It's complicated, at best. 


Wishing you all moments of peace and rest.

Posted: Tuesday, May 1, 2012 4:57 PM
Joined: 12/18/2011
Posts: 3097

It's been 1 month since mom died.


I went to get my long-neglected hair cut today--as I was leaving the hairdresser says "and have a Happy Mothers' Day!" and I internally cringed, mostly because of my mom not being here but also I've always had people tell me that and my only children have fur.  Mothers' Day signs and cards and sales everywhere.  And it's not for 2 weeks yet, by the time it comes I'll be in bed under the covers waiting for it to be gone.


This year is going to be so hard, Mothers' Day, her birthday, my birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year.  I'd better lay in a big supply of Kleenex...