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What has helped you?
Posted: Thursday, May 31, 2012 4:56 AM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 403

Definitely staying busy at work helped me a lot at the beginning. I had no choice.


But lately I started having one dream after the other about my parents and about my mom being in an ALF. None were bad, but I would wake up reliving the same feelings I had when my parents were going through this disease. 


So last week I started thinking of what I was doing different to make me have these dreams and I realized that I was going to the caregivers forum everyday and reading posts and responding to some posts. All that was staying on my mind.


I stopped going and mainly came here or read the humor post and the dreams have stopped. So that has help me. I tried to help others in the forum, but it was taking a toll on me.


But I think about my parents everyday. I guess it will come a day when I wont? I dont know, I find that hard to believe.



Still Waters
Posted: Thursday, May 31, 2012 5:26 AM
Joined: 2/6/2012
Posts: 1092

I saw a quote on Face Book today:


" The past is a nice place to visit, but certainly not a good place to stay! "

Posted: Thursday, May 31, 2012 5:45 AM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 403

That's a great quote and very true. You can't live in the past. Although the past does have very good memories, but you need to move on and create new memories.


Thank you for sharing that Still Waters.



Posted: Thursday, July 12, 2012 2:40 PM
Joined: 3/11/2012
Posts: 433

Oh, that makes me so sad. I guess I'm not there yet. I just lost my Mom June 22. That makes me feel like I'm leaving her in the past and I'm just not ready to do that.
Waiting for a cure
Posted: Thursday, July 12, 2012 3:20 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 295

Wow, Sad In Heart, I think the same thing has happened to me.  I was reading and posting on the cg forum since last week, and have had 2 dreams about my mom in the last week.  I should probably stop visiting the cg side too.  

How are you doing?  I'm finding myself a tad jealous of friends who have their parents still.  I'm happy for them, but I tend to not want to encounter discussions of "my mom and I took the kids to..."   To be honest with myself, although I am sometimes feeling lonely, I'm imposing it on myself....I'm definitely more anti-social than I used to be.

Not trying to hijack the point is what II'm doing for myself includes trying to avoid situations where others will likely discuss their activities with their parents. 

Posted: Thursday, July 12, 2012 3:48 PM
Joined: 11/30/2011
Posts: 2105

There's nothing wrong with avoiding those situations, others talking about spending time with their parents.  Your/our loss is so fresh.  It's only normal to feel this way.  In time, things will soften a bit.


The past has good memories and the past has a place in our life, just like the present and future.  All of those components have made us, all of those components are important, we can remember the past, we can fondly remember the past, we can learn from the past and apply all of that to the present and to our future.


What's helped me is reading the posts here, knowing my feelings are normal and not off the wall, being able to say how I feel to people who have gone through the death of a loved one. 


I find that just like it's difficult to talk to somebody who doesn't understand or is familiar with Alzheimer's, it's the same with people who have not experienced death, and even more so, death of a person who had Alzheimer's, which adds another element to the loss.

Waiting for a cure
Posted: Thursday, July 12, 2012 5:15 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 295

I agree, the past does have a place in our lives. I'm going to post a musing about my feelings about this in the musings forum because it's quite a tangent from this discussion.  I have been kicking around how to put my thoughts into words because my husband often finds me upset or pensive and I can't explain why just hearing a song at the cafe or seeing a certain tv rerun affects me so much.  


Posted: Thursday, July 12, 2012 5:35 PM
Joined: 11/30/2011
Posts: 2105

It's hard to let go of someone.  I knew my dad for 59 years, the last 13 years more so since we spent so much time together.  It's a huge adjustment when you lose someone you loved and they are no longer here.  It is a very big deal.  We have to ease ourselves into this new way of living now.  It will come in time.


I understand the hearing a song or seeing something that reminds us of a person, things like that evoke a memory of the person, it brings the loss and the feelings back to the forefront and it's a reminder they are gone.  We are still very new to the loss of someone and we are still hurting and adjusting.  I think in time, and that amount of time is different for everyone, we can be reminded of something and enjoy the memory and not be so hurt and sad about it.   All of these feelings are so normal.  We'll find our way.


I  understand the quote about living in the past, but in this case what we are doing is thinking about history and our experiences and that's okay and perfectly normal.  We're still living in the present and we are moving along into the future.  

Posted: Saturday, July 21, 2012 12:55 PM
Joined: 7/21/2012
Posts: 10

1) Counseling. I knew I needed to see someone ASAP when my dad went into the hospital before his death. My counselor who specializes in caregivers and their grief stopped me from having a nervous breakdown.


2) Writing. Working through my feelings in a journal has helped to let things out.


3) Nature. Being out in nature, gardening, or walking and hiking. My depression sometimes inhibit my abilities but when I manage to force myself to do these things I always feel a bit better afterwards.


4) Coming on this forum.

George K
Posted: Monday, July 23, 2012 5:26 AM
Joined: 12/16/2011
Posts: 2820

I'm half asleep, but this quote comes to mind:


"It's OK to look at the past, but don't stare!"

Posted: Monday, July 23, 2012 8:59 AM
Joined: 7/3/2012
Posts: 31

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