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I wasn't the hands on caregiver .....but both parents are gone
Posted: Tuesday, July 24, 2012 10:17 PM
Joined: 4/19/2012
Posts: 414

As some know I am the Farawaydaughter. My heart has ached for my mom for the past 3 1/2 years that she suffered.


Mom passed away July 10. I flew home, and dad who has leukemia was very happy to see me. My siblings were not they hated me.


We took dad by ambulance to see mom at the funeral home in between visiting hours. It is a very poignant memory to see mom in a coffin with dad on a stretcher next to it, talking to her, touching her. We 3 kids each spent time with dad while he said his good byes to mom.


He told her "he would see her soon".


He cracked a joke at the paramedics when they brought him back into the house.


7 hours later he was dead. He died at 1AM on the day of my mothers funeral.


I had to ask the funeral people at the church to tell everyone that dad had died. My cousin somehow was missed, and the first thing he said was "How's Bill?"...I told him he was dead.


We had 2 funerals in 3 days.

Dad died 4 days after Mom.

Mom died on a Tues. and buried on a Sat. Dad died on Sat. and was buried Tues.

It was very surrealistic to walk down that church isle for the 2nd time in 3 days.


Waiting for a cure
Posted: Tuesday, July 24, 2012 10:43 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 295

Precious daughter, I'm so sorry for your loss of both parents within such a short time.  I'm so glad you were able to fly home and be there for your dad before he joined your mom.  

Sounds like your mom and dad had an amazing bond.  He wasn't going to leave her side, but rather followed her home. 
God bless you for honoring your parents the ways you did.  How incredibly you held up, being able to do all you have.  
I'm so grateful that you've shared what you have with us, and that you're on this forum of us who've lost our loved ones.  I hope that you stay and get support, and I hope you are gentle with yourself as you go forward.  Now you've got a different kind of journey and we're here for you.

Beth in Indiana
Posted: Wednesday, July 25, 2012 7:13 AM
Joined: 12/21/2011
Posts: 95

wow - That's just such a tremendous blow.  I too am so glad you made it home and Dad had all his children around him.  So important to him I'm sure. 


I am so very sorry for your losses.  I hope someday your siblings and you can mend your relationships although I certainly wouldn't worry about it for a while.  I'd focus on you - and healing and the new journey ahead. 


Please do come and visit us when you feel up to it.  It's a nice, supportive group.


Wishing you peace -

Posted: Wednesday, July 25, 2012 8:54 AM
Joined: 12/10/2011
Posts: 338

I think that is the saddest thing I have ever heard, I am so so sorry. My prayers go out to you. I hope you find some consolation that they are together now. God bless you and may He provide strength and rest to you now. 
Posted: Wednesday, July 25, 2012 10:44 AM
Joined: 11/30/2011
Posts: 2105

I cannot imagine what you must be feeling and going through at this time.  So very much at once.  I am so sorry.  I believe your dad wanted this to happen and he wanted to be with your mother.  Knowing that sure doesn't make it much easier to take in all that has happened.


I really, really hope you will be very kind and gentle with yourself at this time.  So many thoughts and feelings. I'm sure you must feel numb, so much to process all at once.  I hope you can get some quiet time to just think and let all of this sink in.  Please also try and not pay much attention to the siblings, avoid negative people right now and just concentrate on yourself and healing your soul.  I wish you comfort and peace.

Posted: Wednesday, July 25, 2012 11:21 AM
Joined: 7/21/2012
Posts: 10

That is a true story of love between your parents and that will stay with you always. I know it will be tremendously hard but as you try to get through these initial months hold onto that. 



Posted: Wednesday, July 25, 2012 11:29 AM
Joined: 12/2/2011
Posts: 726

Take care of yourself during this sad time.  Come back often.  It seems as though a lot of us have lost LO's recently.  Somehow, having others to share this last part of the journey with has been so helpful to me.  I wish you peace and comfort.  Many hugs from afar...
Posted: Wednesday, July 25, 2012 11:33 AM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 20034

No words just a soft hug.
Posted: Wednesday, July 25, 2012 11:55 AM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 149




Oh my have my deepest sympathy..I read this last night and was so overwhelmed I had to wait to reply--my heart broke for you--- 




As was try and be gentle with yourself in the coming days..yes, you were far away, yet your love for you parents shone thru all of your Mum used to is to let any actions of your sibs flow through will be hard..but TRY for your own sake.. 




May the universe watch oveer you and guide your steps in the coming days-- 




Many soft hugs..from me to you...... 






Posted: Wednesday, July 25, 2012 11:59 AM
Joined: 3/11/2012
Posts: 433

Wow, I am so sorry for the loss of both of your parents. They must have loved each other deeply to want to make the journey together. It's a beautiful, touching story but one that is emotionally heartwrenching for you. I just lost my beautiful mother a month ago and I can't even imagine what you are going through. As others have said take care of yourself. And don't let what others say or do bother you. I know that's hard but you need to allow yourself the time to grieve and heal. Come here anytime. We all are in the same process as you. We are working our way through the grief and are here to help each other. Hugs to you.
Posted: Wednesday, July 25, 2012 4:20 PM
Joined: 11/29/2011
Posts: 799

I too am so sorry for your loss, and I agree with everyone else who has responded.  Do make sure you take care of yourself.


I cannot imagine the loss of two parents in such a short time.  It is sad, yet seems like a true love story.  The pain you are feeling right now is probably very severe.


Big hugs.  Keep coming back here anytime you need a virtual shoulder to lean on.


Posted: Wednesday, July 25, 2012 9:12 PM
Joined: 4/19/2012
Posts: 414

Thank you everyone. I know you all have losses too, so I appreciate the outstretched hand of care & comfort.   Right now I am happy for my parents. No more struggles, no more suffering. Long lives, mom 95 dad 93. I must say dad sure made an impressive exit to be with mom.....When he was diagnosed with leukemia in Feb. he kept telling me "I don't want to leave mom alone" that was his goal, for her to die first and then he would follow..........just didn't know how serious he was about it by going that fast.......he had a great military send off, Taps with a real bugle boy, full dressed army people, and bless the American Legion, all these old men dressed up standing in 100 degree weather to salute dad as he entered the cemetery chapel. ...we had the 3 shot gun salute as well.....they give you the shells too.......he had 6 Army folks fold his flag too.......I am sure he enjoyed that where ever he is.....I did not recognize mom at all.......ALZ had really changed her face, or it could have been the lack of food/water.....but that woman did not look like my mom at all........I am glad she is no longer suffering had it as well, but he hadn't progressed very far he was mainly of "sound mind" when he left.......they have peace...and I am glad.
Posted: Thursday, July 26, 2012 1:11 PM
Joined: 11/30/2011
Posts: 2105

My dad had military send off, too.  It was very touching.  My husband and brother-in-law both stood up and saluted, and Taps, we had a live person, too, and the flag presentation.  Taps, though, boy, I couldn't hold it together when that played.  We had my dad's photo from the Navy, so young and smiling, very handsome.  It was the best part of the memorial service.