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a question for those who have lost someone
Posted: Saturday, April 26, 2014 11:31 AM
Joined: 11/23/2013
Posts: 309

My dh is in hospice now after a fast decline. His twitching and jerking have increased as well as hallucinations. My puzzle is...He's still swallowing, smiling, and talking (although not making any sense). It seems confusing to the nurses too. They said they've never seen end stage still able to smile. He just turned 62. Did this happen to any of your loved ones?
Posted: Saturday, April 26, 2014 11:12 PM
Joined: 12/30/2012
Posts: 3520

My husband's uncle died this year with vascular dementia and I visited him and stayed short times for his wife to have a break.  He was praising God and preaching weddings....he was a pastor for 43 years. Even the day he died, they said he was not all there but happy.
Jo C.
Posted: Sunday, April 27, 2014 2:03 PM
Joined: 12/9/2011
Posts: 11999

Yes; my mother was able to smile right to the end of her life.  Wistful smiles; but smiles nonetheless.



Posted: Tuesday, April 29, 2014 7:33 PM
Joined: 6/20/2013
Posts: 311

Up until his last few days, Dad was smiling when I said good bye and I love you.
Posted: Wednesday, April 30, 2014 6:01 AM
Joined: 8/22/2013
Posts: 146

Up until maybe the last week my H could smile some with a little encouragement, also say some words, but then he stopped eating and would not take liquids, then things declined very rapidly.  He was only with Hospice two days before he passed.
Stellar Daughter-In-Law
Posted: Friday, May 2, 2014 1:01 AM
Joined: 12/21/2011
Posts: 291

My father-in-law was on hospice for 9 months.  He went in patient for the last week because the nursing home he was in was just not capable of keeping him comfortable.  He was transported in an ambulance totally out of it.  When he arrived at the unit to new nurses who had not read his record yet, he struck up a conversation with them, smiled, joked a bit.  When they came to meet with me, they asked what his ailment was and when I said dementia they were shocked.  They had no idea he had dementia.  He pulled it off right up until the end!  He had forgotten how to walk, he had strange stroke like symptoms he would go in and out of, and died just seven days later, but my word, he was still trying to impress ladies with his winning smile and great charm.


Nothing about his disease process was ever linear.  He was always all over the map.  We got used to telling all kinds of caregivers, hospice, and doctors to not expect anything normal from him.  He was up and down in every capacity. 


Hang in there and remember, each person dies differently.  There is no normal.

Posted: Sunday, May 4, 2014 6:03 AM
Joined: 5/4/2014
Posts: 8

Hospice gave mom Atavan or something spelling almost like this for agitation. That may help. Is he getting morphine for pain? That will result in this. Mom had hallucinations even before this. That is normal.


My mom smiled and talked as she went in and out of dying for three weeks. She'd go in and out of a coma. I say she 'came back for chocolate!' She was completely unresponsive until I put a tiny bit of chocolate ice cream unto her lips. She tasted it, then I gave her more..then she opened her eyes! I asked her: More? She then said YES and nodded her head!

Brought back from death by chocolate! Then I went and got her See's candy. She was able to actually eat some and loved it!


I played Frank Sinatra for her and other Big Band era music. She loved this. Amazing that she actually began to sing the next line of the verse ahead of Frankie! And she didn't even know where she was...that she was in her own home, not a 'hotel' or 'nursing home.'


Once, in the middle of a coma of several days, in the middle of the night I said to her: I love you. She opened her eyes and said to me clearly: I love YOU! It startled the hospice nurse and spooked her caregiver...They couldn't believe mom could 'come back' like that, but she did.


Sing, talk, share poems, prayers, whatever you think your loved one might like. Hug, massage them, hold their hand, listen and just 'be' together. This is most precious time together. Most precious!

Iris L.
Posted: Saturday, June 28, 2014 8:18 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 17446

My mom was talking with me the night before she died.  I didn't think it was that close.  In fact, I told her I thought she had turned a corner, and was better.  She didn't have dementia but cancer.  She died early in the morning in her sleep.

Iris L.

Posted: Monday, June 30, 2014 12:11 AM
Joined: 6/29/2014
Posts: 1

Yes, my husband was still able to walk with assistance and smiled some within a week of passing away. He was 60 y/o and had EOAD. He only seemed to be at the end of stage 6, but his autopsy said he was in the final/worst stage of alzheimers.

He also had a lot of jerking that worsened as the disease progressed.

Posted: Tuesday, July 22, 2014 10:22 PM
Joined: 7/14/2014
Posts: 26

I am a believe in Christ and it says to me (like some here) that there is a connection going on between this and the other worlds. And that is real. Last year or so I read on a hospice site (don't remember where now) that at the last stage dying people may have experienced that are foreign to us. We should accept them and let things happen in peace. 

Yes, as they move to the next stage of life, they may start having some experiences that are foreign to us. We should and can accept them in faith and hope.