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30 Seconds
Posted: Saturday, June 28, 2014 9:09 AM
Joined: 9/10/2012
Posts: 2703

As caregivers, whether we know it or not, we get pretty good at reading our loved ones and picking up on our own internal prompts.  When we sense something is the thing to do, we're probably right.

We had a long day yesterday, not by my choice, and it's getting trickier to do all the things we used to do.  He was in a good mood, we'd had a lot of fun, but it was mid afternoon and he was wearing out and me, too!

We stopped by the home of an older friend, the only person we visit regularly, and we keep a eye on her a little bit and help out with small things.  She likes to chat, but I've kind of trained her that when we get up to go, we go.  Sometimes quite abruptly.  

Yesterday there had been a lot of rain and thunder, no bad storms, though.  He was doing fine with while we were in the truck.  When we were at her house it began rumbling a little and I saw the look in his eyes.  I told her, 'We have to go.' and I jumped up and he was already heading for the door.  She asked me one last question and I hesitated... I quickly answered her question and elaborated a bit.  She asked another question...  By the time we reached the door, the rain was pounding down, the wind was whipping the trees, and lightning was cracking all over.  We had to stay and stay and stay... and he came as close to panicking as I've seen him for a long while.  

We finally ended up dashing to the truck in the rain, him slipping in the mud, soaked and shaking, and then we still had to sit in the truck at the house until it slowed down.  I got so rattled I made some stupid comments about his brother's death (which of course he had forgotten) because one of his other brothers had sent some legal papers in the mail for us to sign, just adding a wonderful topper to the whole afternoon.  

I know things like this will happen, life is just that way, and I'm not superwoman.  I'm not beating myself up about it, but the NEXT time I feel I need to go and someone wants me to stay, I'll say, 'I'll call you later.'

Debbie R
Posted: Saturday, June 28, 2014 10:26 AM
Joined: 3/22/2014
Posts: 652

Thank you for the reminder. I have been a little slow about this, but doing better. I guess I was afraid of making someone else think I was being rude, rather than looking after Steve's best interests. I have found in the long run - for us at least - it is much better for me to keep him calm. I am so sorry you had to wait so long about returning home. It has been raining here most of the day as well.


Take care, I appreciate you sharing your insight!


Posted: Saturday, June 28, 2014 10:53 AM
Joined: 4/29/2013
Posts: 1259

I think you are being too hard on yourself.  You did what most people would have done--you didn't want to be rude which is perfectly natural.  I've been in similar situations, sometimes I'm successful other times I'm not.  We not super women, we're just humans trying to get along in the awful world of Alzheimer's.  You're a wonderful caregiver and a lovely person.