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A month tomorrow
pmad37
Posted: Monday, April 20, 2015 2:42 PM
Joined: 10/3/2012
Posts: 68


I've been waking up each Saturday thinking, "it's been a week, it's been two weeks..." Tomorrow morning I will wake up and it's been a calendar month. I took off work, I'm expecting to be emotional all day but hoping for a good day of memories. My plan is to stay busy.

I just cannot believe it's already been a month


catlady
Posted: Tuesday, April 21, 2015 12:57 PM
Joined: 9/12/2012
Posts: 1267


Besides trying to keep busy every day, I plan something "special" on those milestones (6 months now) and I need to think of something special to do on his birthday and our anniversary.

On the 6 month milestone, I went to the memory care center and helped them with an activity. Doing volunteer work has really helped me keep busy and gives me somewhere to go and something positive to do if I think I'm going to have a bad day.


jwn
Posted: Sunday, June 14, 2015 2:21 AM
Joined: 9/4/2014
Posts: 418


Catlady
How d I'd you get through this the first few months, I'm having such a hard time, been five weeks, feels like yesterday, fourteen Crys a day. Don't sleep much but cannot get out of bed

Sorry for your loss too, there is so many of us losing our LO, it's after midnight I think I'm going back to bed
Prayers to you. Joel

Oceanbum
Posted: Wednesday, June 17, 2015 1:54 PM
Joined: 3/11/2012
Posts: 433


Hello,

I'm so sorry for your losses. I wanted to tell you it does get easier. Grief is a long, slow process. Everybody grieves in their own time and in their own way. There is no timetable for grief. You just need to take the time you need to grieve. Don't let anybody tell you that you should be doing this or you should be feeling that. Only you know what you need or what you feel at any given time. I lost my Mom to this terrible disease nearly 3 years ago, it will be 3 years June 22. I just lost my Dad to cancer Dec. 1. I still grieve terribly for both of them. I have good days and bad days. I cry for them at times that I least expect it. I'm sure I always will. But I've gotten to a point now where the good days far outweigh the bad days. What finally got me thru it all was the realization that the one thing in this world that my parents wanted more than anything was for their children to be happy. I knew I wasn't honoring their wishes by being sad and depressed. I knew I needed to be happy - for them, for me and for my family. That brought me out of it more than anything. I am happy because they want me to be.

I wish you all peace and comfort. Hugs to you.


pmad37
Posted: Tuesday, June 23, 2015 1:36 PM
Joined: 10/3/2012
Posts: 68


Sunday (Father's Day) was three months, and the Longest Day of the Year. I got up early, put on my running shoes and took off for 6.2 miles, a virtual 10K for a fundraising team. It was hard, it was calming, it was HOT....but at mile five, at 8:20 am dad's favorite song came on my ipod - Lee Greenwood singing God Bless the USA. That's twice it happened - the other was while I was running a race the week after he died. He's watching me, letting me know he's there.

I dreaded Sunday so badly and wanted to be left alone - hubs stuck by me like glue all day. By the afternoon I was content and would not wish him back for any part of the last five years. I find myself mourning my mother more and more (she moved in with her boyfriend on the afternoon of dad's funeral - talk about a downer)

Each day and each week is getting easier. I stay busy with exercise, my dog, my daughter, Alz Walk committee, and just doing the things I haven't been able to do for so long.

I'm learning to live

catlady, I think it's wonderful that you volunteer. I've only been back in dad's facility a couple times so far. I love all the people there.

JWN, I don't sleep either, but that's bound to get better (or my body will just get used to it). I have started using lavender essential oils to help


catlady
Posted: Tuesday, June 23, 2015 2:54 PM
Joined: 9/12/2012
Posts: 1267


Joel,

I don't have any magic for getting through the first few months.....I think part of is was that I had a caregiver that came in M-F for 5 hours each day. Here, I went to exercise class and I made several friends there. I volunteered at a Memory Care Center (one I planned to place my LO if the time came). I also spent time with my BFF --keeping that connection going.

When my DH died, I had already established a schedule---exercise class M-F and volunteering on Wednesday and Friday....so I kept that same schedule. Then I added a couple more volunteering jobs.

No, it wasn't easy....I did and still do cry every day. There will never be another love like that but I know that I have to go on with my life. soon it will be his birthday and then our 44 anniversary. I don't know what I will do those days but I will plan to go out with my friends and do something. I can't let myself stay home and cry all day.


Mulelady
Posted: Wednesday, June 24, 2015 9:09 AM
Joined: 7/21/2014
Posts: 1164


Catlady,
I am glad you are getting out and living life. I too have been trying to get out. If I stay home, it is safe, but it is sad. I dwell too much on what could/should have been and it is a vicious circle of sadness and hopelessness.
I am not young, but not old (65), Don and I were married for almost 46 years. I was 19 when I got married.
Don has been gone almost 10 months. I find that I enjoy the company of others and get out socially at least once a week.
A gentleman (loose term) asked me to go to a rodeo last week end and I turned him down. He is much older and I have never really liked him. But, I got to thinking afterward, had it been someone I liked and thought I might enjoy his company, I may have accepted. I don't know how I would have felt about it once I left home, but I wouldn't mind having someone think I was special.
Another problem to ponder.
Leanne

bela
Posted: Tuesday, July 21, 2015 11:46 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 4120


Lost my mom June 7 a bit over a month and it seems the real task of grief and the gravity f the loss is hitting......i am so frustrated because no matter what i think it comes back to the same thing.there is nothing left to do, mom is not coming back
Sea Field
Posted: Wednesday, July 22, 2015 10:05 AM
Joined: 8/5/2012
Posts: 1872


I too am in the earlier (though not immediate) stage of grieving. It's been a little over 3 months since my DH passed.

I'm finding that a pattern of getting out a little bit, followed by withdrawing works for me. I get out and enjoy the interaction with others. Then I need to withdraw, experience my grief, cry, let the quiet soothe me.

Leanne, I laughed at your description of being asked out! Someone at my drum circle has become very attentive. I absolutely panicked. My friends (and me too) laughed at how panicked I became over it. So I told him I cry every day over losing my husband. Hoping this works. Friends? absolutely yes. anything else? sheer panic. Soooo not ready. May never be ready.

Hold on everyone. In theory we will get through this.

Cynthia


bela
Posted: Wednesday, July 22, 2015 2:06 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 4120


Mom left this world June 7 2015 I am still in checking reality stage but not too often, having to vk moms death photo/uneral music, then i go out for a short time and as another stated need to withdraw and go home and cry...good memories are not part of this yet..
catlady
Posted: Monday, July 27, 2015 4:58 AM
Joined: 9/12/2012
Posts: 1267


Friday would have been our 44th anniversary. I'm just not sure what I will do on this day. It's been really hard for me....I've been crying for the past two weeks and I know that is not good for me. Somehow I have to get out of this funky attitude that I have. I need to take my own advice and find something to do...I just can't come up with anything that won't make me sadder. I thought about going to the house we first lived in....nope...that makes me cry already.....I want to crawl in a hole and just stay there.....

Leanne, I smiled at your description of being asked out. I was asked out to dinner with someone and I, too, panicked and immediately said NO! I need to change that reaction. But.....I know if it were someone I don't like just being around, to have a "date" would not be a pleasant experience.



Mulelady
Posted: Monday, July 27, 2015 10:23 PM
Joined: 7/21/2014
Posts: 1164


Catlady,
Those anniversaries are hard. Our 46th came and went in April. I don't remember exactly what I did, but it was hard. Then I thought about the fact that I had really been alone knowing it was our anniversary for a couple of years. I don't think it was as hard as having Don with me and him not knowing it was important.
I am trying hard to get back into some sort of social something. I make a point of going to the diner for coffee a couple of times a week. I see people I know and some times meet new ones. I find I don't feel quite as awkward as I did at first, I think we have to learn to be single beings again. All those years spent with one person makes us part of a couple. When the partner is gone, we feel like half of something. If I figure out how it is done, I will be more than happy to share.
I hope Friday isn't too hard for you. I will be thinking of you. Try to do something fun with other people. It always seems to distract me from feeling so sad. Leanne