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When is it time to take off my wedding ring?
Clancy013
Posted: Wednesday, November 11, 2015 11:53 AM
Joined: 10/16/2013
Posts: 2


I am embarrassed to even ask this question out of respect for my departed wife.  My lovely wife Sharron passed in September after 14 years of fighting Alzheimer's, so it's only been a short time ago.  We had a wonderful 44 years of memories together.  My main interest now is to refresh a closer relationship with my two dear daughters and their families.  The other thing I work on is to go back and try to remember to good times before Alz and fall in love with Sharron once again.  My daughters helped place Sharron's pictures around the house.  I am going to a Grief Recovery Class which is helping tremendously.  In a recent meeting, I have already been asked where is your wife, and had to say that she has recently passed, making the person feel bad for even asking the question.  How have others dealt with this challenge?
Be Strong 2
Posted: Wednesday, November 11, 2015 9:17 PM
Joined: 12/14/2011
Posts: 1751


My wife passed 8 months ago. I went through the grief counseling. It went OK. I still attend 2 Alzheimer's support groups, more trying to be a help than need a help. I think I'm doing OK but sometimes it's hard to tell.

As for my wedding ring, I had planned on wearing it for one year. I took it off when I went to the hospital for surgery. I haven't put it back on. No special reason. Still trying to sort things out as I move forward.

 

Remember, we're all in the same boat; and the darn thing leaks!

Bob  


jfkoc
Posted: Wednesday, November 11, 2015 10:00 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 20105


Hmm...never thought about the fact that someone would ask where my husband was after seeing a ring on my hand. Not only mine but his and two guards. It does not look so great but feels right for now.

Perhaps, should I be asked, I would reply "in heaven I hope". At least now that your have called my attention to the situation I will be better prepared.


socwkr
Posted: Wednesday, November 11, 2015 11:46 PM
Joined: 10/6/2012
Posts: 924


Hi, there.  I would think that the best time to take off your wedding band is when you feel like it.  My husband passed away on February 28th, and I still wear my wedding band.  I haven't felt like taking it off.  Some people have asked about my husband when they see the band, but I just let them know that my husband passed away recently.  I found that it's less about people feeling bad for asking the question and it's more like a conversation starter.  I have discovered so many people along the way these past few months who also experienced the loss of a loved family member from Alzheimer's.  It's helpful for them and for me to have that connection.

Take care, Debra.


Clancy013
Posted: Thursday, November 12, 2015 12:10 AM
Joined: 10/16/2013
Posts: 2


Thanks for your comments.  I am going to keep the ring on for now.  With the ring on, I still feel I am connected with Sharron.
Lesley Jean
Posted: Thursday, November 12, 2015 10:08 PM
Joined: 2/13/2013
Posts: 2965


I posted this on the spouse group. I took our good set of bands, ( I explained n further detail why we have more than one set), and had them soldered together, after I had Jerry's sized down to my finger size. 'I love it. It looks great and feels even better. Since I just got them done, I haven't had anyone ask about them. I can still wear my diamond anniversary ring. I was told some women will have their engagement ring soldered too, to make all three rings one ring. 

When to take them off? My mom put her ring on her right hand after one year. She said that in her day, she was 85 when my dad died 15 years ago, that was the proper way to do things. I agree with others. It is up to you if you remove it entirely or  put it on your other hand, is up to you, how you feel about it. 

Clancy, this was a great question. I have no plans to stop wearing them on m y left hand. I might feel differently later. 

LJ


Mulelady
Posted: Friday, November 13, 2015 7:32 AM
Joined: 7/21/2014
Posts: 1164


I have also moved my rings to my right hand, I did it when Don had been gone about a year.  People still ask about my husband, it has gotten much easier to answer, unless they feel like they should have known, then I end up consoling them.  I think it is avery personal decision.  Leanne
VKB
Posted: Friday, November 13, 2015 8:32 AM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 3720


Clancy,

I am sure the Grief Recovery Class is a good idea.  Maybe the ring on your finger is like me purging out of our house my mother and step-father's personal belongings.  It took a few years of getting rid of stuff because at first I wanted to hold onto everything.....later I didn't feel as bad about giving stuff away.  I am guessing you will wake up one day and know it is time to take off the wedding band ....whether it is tomorrow or much longer from now.  My suggestion is don't think about what others think....this is solely your decision to make.  I just prayed for you.  Peace Veronica

 


Pasnurse
Posted: Saturday, November 14, 2015 11:52 AM
Joined: 2/12/2012
Posts: 553


Hi everyone . I am not on the board very much now. It will be two years this dec 15 that sard passed... I was in the shower one year after his death and I just took off the wedding band. However I did replace it with a ring that has purple stones with a Purple Heart in the middle.. It reminds me of the battle with alz and the love I still have for sard!!! Removing your wedding band has no expiration date... Follow your heart , your heart will dictate when and if it stays or on  or comes off !!! Peace to everyone .... Pauline
Lesley Jean
Posted: Saturday, November 14, 2015 3:39 PM
Joined: 2/13/2013
Posts: 2965


Pauline,

I did not realize it has been almost 2 years since you lost you lo. I suppose I have been so absorbed in Jerry's care that time for others just didn't stick in my brain. 

It is nice to know you are handling it well.  You are an inspiration to me. Thank you,

LJ