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Feeling Empty
Mrs. Braxton
Posted: Tuesday, November 17, 2015 11:01 PM
Joined: 9/12/2012
Posts: 929


I finally got the reason I go to bed so late every night .     My day never seems complete because my sweetheart is not here. I dont feel satisfied with the day.    I miss him so much.

I dont post much, what is there to say ?  I feel empty and sad.  Everyday I do my best.  I rest and only do what I feel like.  I spend time with friends and family.  

I know I am getting stronger and I am working through my grieving process and time does ease the pain.   

I dont know what will trigger me or when it will but it does and I cry for awhile and then move on.

We are almost at 5 months and it doesn't seem possible that I have gotten through each day.

  I am glad I can post here and you all understand.  I am sorry that you do because it means you have lost your love also.

Hugs,  Angela



Lesley Jean
Posted: Tuesday, November 17, 2015 11:24 PM
Joined: 2/13/2013
Posts: 2965


Angela, 

You are in my prayers. I now know how hard it is. I am the same way. Sleep doesn't come easy as I miss Jerry so much.  I am hoping that time will help to heal both of our hearts and every one else who is on this board or will be in the future. 

Hugs, LJ


300sun
Posted: Wednesday, November 18, 2015 3:02 PM
Joined: 2/20/2014
Posts: 294


Glad you both posted. I cannot imagine losing a spouse to ALZ/DEMENTIA. 

Hang in and keep posting!


Leland
Posted: Wednesday, November 18, 2015 6:35 PM
Joined: 3/19/2013
Posts: 314


5 months here as well and my heart still seems very empty. I try to get through each day without too much grief but it's not always the case.

Still go to therapy ,it helps some but I still miss her every minute of every day

 

STAY STRONG

Leland


socwkr
Posted: Wednesday, November 18, 2015 11:37 PM
Joined: 10/6/2012
Posts: 924


Yes, I have been crying less and staying busy.  Like each of you, I've got those trigger moments throughout the week where there isn't anything I can do to hold back the tears.  My daughter and I will be at a Buddhist ceremony on Sunday for those who have recently died so I'm planning not to wear any mascara, should be a lot of crying that day!  My husband had a very peaceful passing into his next life, he passed away in his sleep, and I will be forever thankful for that.

With the holidays approaching, I sat my daughter down for a discussion of what we want to keep doing, what we want to eliminate, and perhaps starting some new traditions.  We decided to go see the Rockettes at Radio City Music Hall.  I've never seen that holiday show so it's something to look forward to.

Peace, Debra.


surfergirl
Posted: Sunday, November 22, 2015 8:23 PM
Joined: 1/23/2012
Posts: 781


Hi , all,

  It has been almost 5 month now, healing is slow. Am going to Porto Rico for thanksging to spend with son and familie.First Holiday season without Daddy for kids and I know he would want us to enjoy the season, one of the most loving persons I ever knew. Only knew that in his last moments when he said " I LOVE YOU TOO ". For the first time ever. What is left to say , difficult or not life goes on.

Wishing strenght love and all the best for all my friends this Holiday Season.

Surfergirl


pigfish
Posted: Tuesday, December 15, 2015 9:09 PM
Joined: 12/14/2015
Posts: 4


I am feeling empty too. My mother died 6 weeks ago and even though I was gradually losing her for the last 8 years to this horrible disease -when it finally happened it was devastating. I am just trying to think of how she was before Alz and hope she did not suffer too much from when she realized something was wrong to the time that she could no longer process that info.

I was not the caregiver but the daughter who lives 3000 miles away and went back to see her every other month for several years.


300sun
Posted: Wednesday, December 16, 2015 10:01 AM
Joined: 2/20/2014
Posts: 294


pigfish wrote:

I am feeling empty too. My mother died 6 weeks ago and even though I was gradually losing her for the last 8 years to this horrible disease -when it finally happened it was devastating. I am just trying to think of how she was before Alz and hope she did not suffer too much from when she realized something was wrong to the time that she could no longer process that info.

I was not the caregiver but the daughter who lives 3000 miles away and went back to see her every other month for several years.


Hi pigfish,

I am very sorry for the loss of your mother. I lost my mother in August.

I believe, no matter the location of care, we suffer for our parents during their dementia. When we lose them, its devastating, like you wrote.

If you need, there may be bereavement groups at your local Hospice, open to anyone. 

Also, we are here for you.

Patrick


pigfish
Posted: Wednesday, December 16, 2015 11:19 AM
Joined: 12/14/2015
Posts: 4


Thank you Patrick
Be Strong 2
Posted: Wednesday, December 16, 2015 8:44 PM
Joined: 12/14/2011
Posts: 1751


9 months for me. I'm doing OK but the "feeling empty" is a pretty good description. I keep busy with my studies for my Bible Survey certificate and with church stuff. I force myself to go to my once a week breakfast with fellow retirees, all from the same workplace. Most of the time I don't want to go but I know I can't become a hermit.

This past weekend I was on a road trip. I had music playing from my phone through the bluetooth function on my truck radio. The song, "Somewhere Over the Rainbow," came on. It was my wife's favorite, I played it prior to leaving her every day at the MCH. She would come in singing, right on key, for the last phrase. The tears started to roll. I looked at the blue sky, with the white fluffy clouds. I was trying to imagine her there in heaven, somewhere over the rainbow. Corny, I know, but I felt an attachment at that moment.

I want to go on with my life but I don't ever want to forget the feelings. I want to cherish the memories forever.

 

Remember, we're all in the same boat; and the darn thing leaks!

Bob  


Lesley Jean
Posted: Friday, December 18, 2015 2:37 PM
Joined: 2/13/2013
Posts: 2965


Pigfish, 

I also lost my mom 8 months ago.  We had our rough times, more often than not. But, I miss her. The loss of Jerry 6 weeks ago, makes it almost impossible to bear.  I miss her more than I ever thought possible. I knew Jerry's loss would be difficult to handle, but loosing both....I feel so depressed! I understand where you are coming from. 

LJ 

 


Ukie
Posted: Friday, December 18, 2015 3:38 PM
Joined: 12/16/2013
Posts: 352


Hello All,

It's just under a month since I lost my wife Kathy. I do feel lost, incomplete and without a purpose. I definitely have the trigger moments. I have given away all of Kathy's clothes and most of her jewelry (Kathy never had nor wanted much jewelry). I did keep 4 items of clothing that I randomly picked while getting things ready for good will. The one thing that I find difficult to dispose of is Kathy's toothbrush. It's still in the toothbrush holder next to mine. I am trying to keep busy. I still take our walk with our dog Chloe. The daycare center which Kathy attended asked me to bring Chloe in for a meet and greet with the clients. I had brought Chloe in several times before while Kathy was at daycare. Chloe is good with the clients. Trying not to just go through the motions. Don't know if I'm winning that battle. I guess it's one day at a time. Hoping that all of us can have the best Christmas possible. Wishing y'all a better new year!  


pigfish
Posted: Friday, December 18, 2015 6:53 PM
Joined: 12/14/2015
Posts: 4


Hi LJ,

I am so sorry for your loss. It is soooo hard.

 I took for granted what an amazing mom and involved, devoted grandmother she was and I only hope I can follow in her footsteps to my 2 grandchildren.

pf


dottie sue
Posted: Monday, December 21, 2015 10:21 PM
Joined: 12/21/2015
Posts: 9


Im feeling very empty. I lost my mother to ALZ. She went down this time last year.  Hospitals and Hospice. Thats what I remember.  Horrible memories. I thought I was OK but I dont know where this anger come from?  I feel very left out. I dont fit in any where during this holiday season. Im too tired to be busy. It hurts that everyone expects me to put on a happy face and get over it.  I never will.
300sun
Posted: Tuesday, December 22, 2015 12:09 PM
Joined: 2/20/2014
Posts: 294


 

dottie sue wrote:
Im feeling very empty. I lost my mother to ALZ. She went down this time last year.  Hospitals and Hospice. Thats what I remember.  Horrible memories. I thought I was OK but I dont know where this anger come from?  I feel very left out. I dont fit in any where during this holiday season. Im too tired to be busy. It hurts that everyone expects me to put on a happy face and get over it.  I never will.


Hi Dottie Sue,

I'm sorry this is such a tough time for you. We had Hospice for a year, and Mom's last day was very difficult. As much as we try, the end isn't always easy.

About 4 months after Mom died I sought specialized counseling. It's helping.

I did see a bereavement counselor a few times, then it became obvious I had other issues to deal with.

I feel like I'm working toward ending my emotional suffering, which is good.

Patrick

 

 

 


 


dottie sue
Posted: Tuesday, December 22, 2015 4:32 PM
Joined: 12/21/2015
Posts: 9


Thanks Patrick. I go to Hospice losing a parent group. It's just that there are no meetings for a while due to the holidays. Looking forward to January.
dottie sue
Posted: Sunday, December 27, 2015 9:47 AM
Joined: 12/21/2015
Posts: 9


"PIGFISH"

 I feel the same way about the loss of my Mom to ALZ.  It was a slow progression into hell, but when she finally died Jan 5 of this year I was..and still am...devastated. I try to remember her before ALZ but I cannot. Peace be with you in your journey.