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They were right
A losing hand.
Posted: Saturday, November 28, 2015 5:10 PM
Joined: 1/16/2013
Posts: 400

It is harder.   I read all the posts that say how much more it hurts when your L.O. is gone, and it takes time to feel better.  My wife is gone only 7 weeks and it keeps getting harder. I think of her most of the time and cry more than I did 7 weeks ago. Physically it's easier, mentally it's much harder. I go to bed every night  and hope I never wake up again.

Her ashes are in a Veterans cemetery in what they call a Columbarium. If you don't know what that is, you can look it up. I didn't know what it was until they showed me a picture. I think it looks nice.

On the door it says her name , d.o.b., and the year she died. The engraving says Wonderful wife and mother. I picked that out, because she was wonderful.  When I die my ashes will go in the same Niche, that's what they call it, with her ashes.  My name, rank, will be above her name and the engraving I picked out will say, (Together Again.)

I wrote this because I wanted to tell someone and you all understand.

Thank you.  I hope it gets better for all of us.


Posted: Saturday, November 28, 2015 7:37 PM
Joined: 10/6/2012
Posts: 924

Hi, there.  It does get better but there's always sorrow and loss.

 It's been eight months for me.  I told my daughter, "sometimes it feels like yesterday and sometimes it feels like ten years ago".  She agreed.  There are days when I'm perfectly fine and some days when I'm sobbing.  I keep busy with two jobs and also attend Buddhist meditation.  

We've experienced the loss of very special people.  

Take care, Debra.

Posted: Saturday, November 28, 2015 8:23 PM
Joined: 2/20/2014
Posts: 294

My Mom has been gone 3 months. 

I was shocked how bad I felt, worse than the 6 years of caring for her.  She required constant supervision and care. My full time job was her care. I thought when she passed I would feel relief for her and myself. 

It was worse the first 8 weeks, then I was ready to talk with a bereavement counselor, which has helped.

We somehow keep it together to care for our loved ones and when they pass, our minds, spirits and bodies collapse. 

Others have said we must go through grief to feel better and all have said they began to feel better. I am better than the first 2 months which were hell for me. 

I sometimes wish I could run away or not wake up. Why wouldn't I feel that way at times?  The hell of watching my loved one succumb to dementia over 6 years was catastrophic.

It has taken time, but I feel better than I did.

Keep in touch with this group, there are a lot of surviving spouses that check in, along with other survivors, and we do understand.


Posted: Sunday, November 29, 2015 5:05 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 3807

A Losing Hand, We all mourn in different ways and in various degrees, and there is no such thing as a time limit on it.  Be good to yourself as much as you can.  You deserve a rest and some peace in your life.  Even if you don't feel like it, try to get out often with people around you even if it is only a walk in a store or park.  I just prayed for you.  Peace, Veronica
Lesley Jean
Posted: Sunday, November 29, 2015 11:39 PM
Joined: 2/13/2013
Posts: 2965

It is such a difficult time for me too.  I hate the idea of Christmas. I hate being without him. Nothing really interests me, but I find if I make myself get out and do things, I am better for it. 

Take care of yourself. Hopefully, time will help all of us to heal. 



Posted: Monday, November 30, 2015 9:02 AM
Joined: 7/21/2014
Posts: 1164

Time does ease the pain, it just takes longer for some.  It has been a bit over 14 months since I lost my Donald.  Most days are good.  I still have the occasional break down, but probably always will.  As Lesley said, it does help to get out.  Spend time with people, old friends and new, and do some of the things you use to enjoy doing. But, also try new things.  Keep busy.  I wish you the best.  Leanne
Posted: Monday, November 30, 2015 6:11 PM
Joined: 12/16/2013
Posts: 352

Losing Hand, you are correct. It is harder. I lost my wife 9 days ago. My DW was in the hospital a month before she passed. I know that being without Kathy is so much more difficult than being her caregiver. I miss her but I feel fortunate because Kathy did know who I was until the end. I pray. I talk to Kathy. I walk the same route that we did together for 3 years. I'm learning to deprogram myself from caregiver mode. We have to move forward. We have to keep trying. Stay strong my friend!
Wife of bill
Posted: Monday, November 30, 2015 7:12 PM
Joined: 8/13/2014
Posts: 37

It is so hard. Everybody thinks I am doing so well. I hear that I am such a strong woman. That no one has ever done as much for their loved one. I'm rather filled with some guilt because sometimes I was angry, sometimes hurt, sometimes tired of the whole journey and I wanted out. Now, I miss him so much and looking at his picture with that beautiful smile , brings me to tears. I could never love anyone the way I loved him but I never felt so betrayed by anything as I did by this horrible disease. It destroyed my darling husband and almost destroyed me. I'll cry but hope that I will be able to live with the wonderful memories of my life with him.
Sea Field
Posted: Monday, November 30, 2015 9:30 PM
Joined: 8/5/2012
Posts: 1872

It takes every bit as much courage to navigate this part of the journey.  

To keep going, to find things to look forward to, to weep, to smile, to create a new life, to honor the life we had, to repair all the things we let slide, to listen to the silence, to feel the empty space our LO left behind, to find a reason to live and to live through the times that seem to have no reason, ...

It takes time, courage and a whole lot of love.

Blessings, Cynthia

A losing hand.
Posted: Tuesday, December 1, 2015 2:16 PM
Joined: 1/16/2013
Posts: 400

To all those who replied, and offered advice, thank you. I really appreciate it.

 There's also an old saying. Easier said then done.

 I hope everyone has a nice Xmas. Good luck and take care of yourselves.