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Just a couple more firsts
Sea Field
Posted: Monday, February 1, 2016 12:56 PM
Joined: 8/5/2012
Posts: 1872

First wedding anniversary without him:  feb 14

First birthday of his:  March 1

First anniversary of his passing:  April 17.

And then the notorious first year will be complete.

Posted: Monday, February 1, 2016 4:29 PM
Joined: 10/6/2012
Posts: 924

Cynthia, I'm close in time with you:

Birthday, this Friday, February 5th

First anniversary of passing:  February 28th.

It seems like yesterday, but it seems like decades ago.  My wedding band is still on, not sure when I'll remove it.

Take care and hugs, Debra.

Be Strong 2
Posted: Monday, February 1, 2016 11:10 PM
Joined: 12/14/2011
Posts: 1751

I'm there, too.

Wedding Anniversary  March 6

Anniversary of passing  March 14

Anniversary of funeral  March 21


Then what? I keep asking myself that question. 


Remember, we're all in the same boat; and the darn thing leaks!


Posted: Tuesday, February 2, 2016 9:48 AM
Joined: 3/7/2012
Posts: 1751

"After the notorious first year...

Then what?"

A cycle completed. A new cycle begins.

 Spring. Summer. Autumn. Winter. Again.

We continue on. With determination. With endurance.

Well embraced by the memories of the beloved. And well planted in the core.

Ending year two, for me. With some knowledge.

Having seen light. And dark.

I return to the Source.

Deep. And far.

Thus, I believe, we dwell. In substance.

Posted: Wednesday, February 3, 2016 9:49 AM
Joined: 11/28/2012
Posts: 211

A first for me:

Last night was my first night in my home alone since my mom passed.

The morning after the service for mom, I left town with my sister and niece.  I spent the past couple of weeks with my sister.

I came home Sunday, and my daughter took a week off and flew home to be with me.  The gentlest of all possible homecomings.  I wouldn't have predicted it, but both Sunday and Monday nights I slept in mom's bed... I think it was the closest I could be to her.  It felt comforting.

So yesterday's daughter left to have an overnight with her dad.  She be back tonight.  I'm so aware of and grateful for the way I can ease into this.

Last night was a first, just me, surrounded with the houseful of things that were all about mom.

I'm in awe of you all that are dealing with the loss of a spouse.  I take strength from each of you....

All my best,


Posted: Thursday, February 4, 2016 12:51 PM
Joined: 12/18/2011
Posts: 13160


 I've completed all my "firsts" but I don't know that the seconds are going to be any easier.  Hopefully, so.  I guess it really varies with the person. 

 Each first is hard because you feel so alone.  I'd never been alone until I lost Charles.  I lived at home with my parents until we got married, then was with him all those almost 44 years.  It's darned hard to be alone - some times it seems like why should you even try to go on.  It's the same thing day after day, struggling to get things done and try to go on as before - but it will never be like it was before.  I guess that's what life is but when you have someone to struggle with you and make plans, it's different than trying to do it alone.  But, we all have each other and understand what we're all going through.  Millions of people have made it and we can, too.    It's just hard!   I talk to his picture every day.  I've said it before - the hardest time for me is when I wake up in the morning and realize he's not here and never will be again. 

 You ladies who are still going through the firsts will make it but it's not easy.  I guess no one ever said life would be easy though.  Some days are harder than others.

Lesley Jean
Posted: Thursday, February 4, 2016 7:03 PM
Joined: 2/13/2013
Posts: 2965

Socwker, I took both of our  wedding band to the jewelers who cut his down and then permanently soldered them together. At his way, we are together, even if only symbolically.  I love it and it makes me feel like he is with me. 


A losing hand.
Posted: Wednesday, February 10, 2016 8:35 AM
Joined: 1/16/2013
Posts: 365

First 4 months, today Feb. 10th.

 First Valentines day   Feb 14th.

 Last year I got her a big chocolate bar and a bag of Kit Kats.                                                 I knew she would like that and she did. If she knew what Valentines day  was,  she would of liked it even more.                                                    


Posted: Wednesday, February 10, 2016 2:44 PM
Joined: 10/6/2012
Posts: 924

Oh, Valentine's Day!  Not only am I cognizant of my own "firsts", I think about my daughter as well.  Ever since she was a little girl, Dickson would always buy her a big red box of Russell Stover chocolates, the kind with the silk rose on top.  It was very old fashioned of him, and it wasn't anything fancy, but she just loved it.  I'll need to pick up a box for her this year.

Hugs to everyone, Debra.

Sea Field
Posted: Wednesday, February 10, 2016 5:27 PM
Joined: 8/5/2012
Posts: 1872

Debra,  I thought of you this past week and wondered how the birthday went.  Hopefully ok.  And yes, I think it will be wonderful to carry on Dickson's tradition of getting chocolate for his daughter for Valentines.  I have already bought a little something that Tom is going to give me this year. Valentines is also our wedding anniversary.  Decided he could give me one more present. 

Joyce,  the last several months of Tom's life, he held onto a stuffed kitty, slept with it, cuddled it.  After his passing I slept with that kitty for many weeks.  Enjoy your mom's bed for as long as it brings you comfort.  We need all the comfort we can get.

ALH, I remember still feeling pretty raw at the 4 month mark.  For me it is gradually getting better.  Not easy, but better.  I hope that eventually it gets better for you too.

Bob, will definitely be thinking of you in March as you face a number of firsts.  I suppose we could call them our last firsts.

w/e, yes.  cycles within cycles.  Someone once told me that the Light and the Dark are secret lovers.  

Lorita, dear friend.  Oh the miles we have travelled together.  Seems like Charles and Tom went through so much about the same time.  I know your heart aches.  I hope you have a special surprise for Valentines.  Maybe Charles will visit you.

LJ, I've been wearing my engagement ring on a chain around my neck.  And when I miss Tom especially so, I will wear it on my finger.

 This Valentines, I am going to drum at a One Billion Rising gathering (standing up against domestic violence). Or else I will stay home and cry.  We will see what happens.  Hopefully I make it to the drum circle 

Love to all, Cynthia

Posted: Thursday, February 11, 2016 12:22 PM
Joined: 12/18/2011
Posts: 13160


 Cynthia, we have travelled many miles together on the dreadful journey all four of us endured, you and Tom, Charles and I.     Happy Anniversary to you and Tom on the 14th - he'll be there with you.  Maybe there'll be a sweet dream - and maybe I'll have one of Charles, too.

 Some days I do pretty well.  I still talk to his picture and there's a couple of things I always do - I have sneezing fits - 7 or 8 in a row.  He'd  always say "bless you and are you all right".  I'd say " excuse me - I'm fine".  I still do that and I know it may be silly but I do.  Another thing when I'd give him a couple of Starlight Mints, he'd always say "oh, boy".  Now, I do that when I get one.   People would think I'm nuts but it keeps him close.

 I am so happy that I had the fingerprint pendant made from the print of his ring finger.  It has one little round place on it that was a scar, probably from testing his blood sugar.  I don't know how many times a day I touch it.  If I feel lonesome for him I put my finger into his print - makes me feel close.

 I hope you make it to the drum circle.  Being with other people will make it easier.

 Debra - I think carrying on the tradition of the box of chocolates would be nice.

 Losing Hand - Valentine's Day may be extra hard for you but you'll make it through.  We have to and we do, one way or another.

 I still sleep with Charles stocking cap on his pillow and when I miss him after I go to bed I hold it close.  The things we do to get through the day and night!

 I'm into the "seconds".  I hope they're easier than the "firsts".