Today has been 3 weeks since my DH passed.  In some ways it feels like yesterday and at the same time it feels like forever.  I go to the store and find myself putting stuff in my buggy that my DH used.  Yet it seems like to was forever ago, that Monday that my world changed. 

I find myself crying over little things more than the big things.  My family came over for breakfast on Christmas Eve.  As everyone stood around the food, I missed DH so much that I started crying.  I went to excuse myself but my wonderful SIL took me into her arms and said cry when you need and then we'll talk about how wonderful Barney was and remember all the good times.  My sister bought my daughter and me necklaces.  Mine has an angel wing.  My daughters has an angel wing also but it also has a disk that says, "I was his angel and now he is mine".  Just beautiful.

Today I am booking a house in the Outer Banks, NC.  My entire family is going to go.  I am trying to become active again and not let myself stay home.

Although, for now that is exactly where I am.  I got sick while DH was in hospital.  I keep getting worse.  I went back to the doctor for the 3rd time this past Friday.  I have whooping cough and pneumonia.  On antibiotics and steroids for over 3 weeks now.  My plan is to rest this week and do nothing but work on getting well. 

Hi Gina:  Give yourself some time. Tears are normal and healing  Bless your SIL for letting you cry and offering you comfort.  Just don't push yourslf too hard ~~~ take some time to get well.   This is all so new and it  was a great loss. Hugs and prayers for you Gina

Anne

What a loving SIL you have!  Please take care of yourself this week and cry all you want. 

Blessings,

Annie

HUGS GINA.  Just continue to take care of yourself.  

Cynthia (Dahlke)

It is good to hear from you Gina, I have been thinking of you, hoping that you would post. It is the unlimited little things woven in time that create the tapestry of our lives. I do hope you continued strength to heal.  Be well.

Tanya

Bubbe, 

Great to read your post, was starting to worry about you.  Cry when you feel like it and let it out.  Hope you have a great stay at OB with family.  Take your pills and get rid of the crud quickly.

I know when my mom passed, I just had to cry.  Losing someone is hard.

I did want you to remember that steroids can make you hyper and mess with your sleep.  Not great side affects but it can help get you well.  As long as you understand what it can do to you, it is easier to live with it a short time.

Take care of yourself!

Teresa99

It is time for you to heal both physically and emotionally, take care.

Bonnie 

Its been 1 year and 27 days since my DH passed away.  What a whirlwind of things to do and items to take care of.  My way of doing things won't be the same as yours Bubbe, but going down this road nothing is either right or wrong, it's simply what works best for you or me.

Son & I dug into DHs bedroom the day after he died, I only had son here for 1 more day and I needed his muscle to accomplish things.  Once emptied, I scrubbed and cleaned the bedroom, bought new bedding and now have a new guest room.

I volunteer 3 days a week ( total 24 hours or so) at the nearby VA Medical Center, thats the place that DH died right up there in ICU, I still need to go in there at times, I glance at his room, but I know that is over.  I see the Chaplain on a regular basis, I call him Chris now, his nurse Cara is still there as is his hospitalist Dr....he's the one I say "hi" to in the mornings.  The VA has turned into my happy place, there is comfort for me in the familiar, but now I'm on the other side, no longer patient spouse, I'm grateful volunteer.

I'm attending church again and Sunday school too....I sing in the 1st soprano section of the senior adult choir, and us widow ladies just came back from a bus trip to San Antonio.  We're planning next years trips as I type this.

Tomorrow I leave on a road trip of 400 miles each way to visit my Mom along with son/DIL and grandkids. 

I will also visit DHs grave at the National Cemetery.

Looking back on this year, I'm happy that a long time friend nudged me into realizing that the life I had was gone, and my new life going forward is what I choose to make it.  The choices are mine now, will I remember Larry with joy and happiness, all while being so grateful he chose me to spend 51 years with? Or do I continue to dwell in what was, but will never be again?  As they say, you're mileage may vary, but for me, I chose to move forward, looking for the treasures my Lord has placed in view if I chose to look for them.

Keep moving forward, but remember 3 weeks is not a long time in this new life journey you'll be having, but don't forget, take time to laugh, to remember the good times and little by little, like a tiny rose opening and reaching for the sunlight, a new Bubbe will emerge and the Lord will be leading your way.

Celi,

You are an inspiration of survival of this dreadful disease.  Thank you for sharing your journey.

Cheryl

Dearest Gina, I have been thinking of you so often and thank you for writing to let us know how you are.  What a wonderful family you have including a gem of a SIL.  I can only imagine the depth and breadth of your feelings and send you a soft hug of understanding.

I am also grateful for Celi writing; what a wonderful post filled with wisdom from someone who has walked a similar path.

Do know you are on our minds and in our hearts and will wait to hear from you again when you feel up to writing; once a member of this e-family, always a member.

J.

Nice to hear from you.  Sorry I did not offer condolences earlier, I often find it hard to find the right words so just stay quiet.  I sure hope you start feeling better soon.  You must have spent all your energy caring for your husband and really got hit by this illness.

Crying at the little things I understand.  Last night as the new year rolled in, I was thinking of my dad who passed a couple years ago.  He loved to call people at mifnight or after to say happy new year.  So when I was a kid I remember calling aunts and uncles and later being on the receiving end of the 12:15 phone call.  

The outer banks sounds nice.  I had a chance to visit there a few years back.  Beautiful lighthouses.

All the best, T

I'm glad you are keeping in touch and sharing your journey.  In some ways the journey never ends.  You are wise to take care of your sickness first but then to be active spending time with family, etc.  Grieve well then live your life as from a new beginning. 

Blessings,

Chuck