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4 am thoughts(1)
Crushed
Posted: Wednesday, May 10, 2017 3:43 AM
Joined: 2/2/2014
Posts: 6262


Four in the morning
Crapped out
Yawning
Longing my life away  

Still Crazy after all these years Paul Simon

Took DW to a retirement party for a friend we have known for 40 years.  It went well.  Nice lady even trailed her to the ladies room and brought her back.  

I just get worn down by the  endless responsibility, discouraged by the reality of decline and anxious for her future and mine.  But I know I have it better than most.  I have access not only to first rate health care, but also top researchers in neuroscience.

I  think of all you heroes out there. You always amaze me.  You deal with additional health problems for yourself or your LO , money problems, LOs whose disease makes them mean, driving issues, guns, jobs, and all the daily humiliations of this disease.  You make me think of Bob Marley's line  — 'You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice

I spent Monday evening as a volunteer at the legal clinic.  We actually had more lawyers than we needed, so we could consult together on a difficult issue. One client asked us what we did.  My colleague was a partner in a "big law" firm.  She thanked us and said she was astonished that lawyers did this as volunteers.   We both laughed and said it beat what we spent our days doing. 

When she went to bed DW told me she loved me and said my name.  

That made it a big day. 

 


Lakhota
Posted: Wednesday, May 10, 2017 4:26 AM
Joined: 4/8/2015
Posts: 224


I've had maybe five hours of sleep in the last three days and my being strong is coming to and end I think. 

I spoke to my HOA board last night that is foreclosing on our house even though the dues are paid and it's a fine for a broken fence picket. They admit by state law that the can't foreclose for fines but know that it's in a lawyers hand they can't do anything however, any amount that the lawyer comes up with to settle they have to approve but they can't tell me a settlement amount. All the lawyers I have spoken with state that it will be easier to pay them that they will charge me more in legal fees and none will take the case. 

I could ask my BIL but how embarrassing is that! I though I was doing so well taking care of my wife his sister and I can't even keep our house that we paid off in 13 years. 

I'm so tired of this life and miss my wife so much. I wish so much that she would tell me that the dinner I cooked was good like she use to but she just stays in bed most of the time now. She doesn't look like she use to in the pictures and there is no personallity. What have we all done to deserve this!

 


jb crick
Posted: Wednesday, May 10, 2017 4:40 AM
Joined: 8/2/2016
Posts: 636


Crushed said:

I just get worn down by the  endless responsibility, discouraged by the reality of decline and anxious for her future and mine.

5:30 am here. Same thoughts…

 


Crushed
Posted: Wednesday, May 10, 2017 5:50 AM
Joined: 2/2/2014
Posts: 6262


Lakhota wrote:

I've had maybe five hours of sleep in the last three days and my being strong is coming to and end I think. 

I spoke to my HOA board last night that is foreclosing on our house even though the dues are paid and it's a fine for a broken fence picket. They admit by state law that the can't foreclose for fines but know that it's in a lawyers hand they can't do anything however, any amount that the lawyer comes up with to settle they have to approve but they can't tell me a settlement amount.

 


That is of course a flat lie

Lawyers work for, represent and are controlled by the client.  What state are you in?


sharon11daugherty
Posted: Wednesday, May 10, 2017 10:25 AM
Joined: 8/6/2015
Posts: 1736


Thinking of  both of you this am. 

Be encouraged as you go through today.  I have prayed for you and LO's today. Yes, Crushed, I know that is not a part of your life, but it is so essential in mine and of course I want to share.

Perhaps it is the fact that I have been in nursing all my life that this journey is not one that is surprising me with the daily toil.  I am thankful for that and yet mourn for those of you that have spent your lives doing something so totally different. Your worth is not in what you do but how you do it.  

Crushed your job is so respected and has lots of perks. Mine did not. I am so glad that you are able to use your skills again to give you the wonderful   knowledge that you can help others. Frankly, in my life I loved my job so much because others loved me back and that was affirming.  The affirming part of this journey is a hand that reaches out for mine  whenever awake. Again, the love is my ability to continue, it is my battery charger.  My prayer is that your battery gets charged by the Love you have been blessed with in the past. It is endless.

This daily life of serving is very humbling.  There is no accolade of praise from the public, there is no one that wants to hear, but us, how messy our day can be.  For me, one who needs validation, I know that there is one who is right beside me, watching me clean the  drool, boogers, and washing a beard that used to look immaculate. This allows me the peace to continue.

You are both so encouraging to others!


Keep Calm & Carry On
Posted: Wednesday, May 10, 2017 11:28 AM
Joined: 4/2/2013
Posts: 1565


When I left for work this morning, DH was tinkering contentedly a wire connected to nothing more than air. He'll probably still be there when I return in a few hours.  There's a sign on the table, I'm At Work. And when I get home, he'll ask where I've been. 

And so it goes, right?

Two challenges about to occur - a short trip to his grandson's graduation and a long trip with my grown kids across the country. Fingers crossed.

This time last year, he was roaring around the farm on his tractor (that had stopped within a few months) and building himself a little golf course. Now, he rarely even opens the front door.

Marjie


jb crick
Posted: Wednesday, May 10, 2017 2:30 PM
Joined: 8/2/2016
Posts: 636


Lakhota said: They admit by state law that the can't foreclose for fines but know that it's in a lawyers hand they can't do anything however, any amount that the lawyer comes up with to settle they have to approve but they can't tell me a settlement amount.

 I thought about this this morning and it sort of pissed me off they would say that "they can't do anything".  I was president of an HOA many years ago, and I can tell you that the officers have quite a bit of latitude in dealing with some things that violate HOA bylaws. They control the lawyers and can recall/dismiss any action. They can also wave or reduce any fine for reasons of compassion, as might be in your case (full time caregiver), so long as the violation is resolved in a timely and agreeable manner.

 It just sounds to me that the HOA officers are just letting their power go to their heads. I would certainly try to work out a reasonable agreement given your circumstances.


jb crick
Posted: Wednesday, May 10, 2017 2:56 PM
Joined: 8/2/2016
Posts: 636


Sharron, I have s sense of your experience as a nurse. My mother was a nurse, so was one of my sisters, and so was Anne. So I am familiar with nursing and their special sense of compassion.

 Anne worked in cancer research and treated patients with late stage breast cancer. She was always there for her patients and families. There were times when she came home from a long day and would sit at the kitchen table crying in her beer for her patients, their families and particularly for the little children that were too soon going to loose their moms.

I take care of Anne with the same love and caring the she showed others in her career. It isn't just the right thing to do, it is what she rightfully deserves in return for her lifetime of caring and giving. She is the love of my life, and I vowed at the alter that I would be there for her always. Holding her hand when she reaches for me, seeing the occasional smile, her puckered lips when I ask for a kiss; those are the tings that recharge me and allow me to continue.


Lakhota
Posted: Wednesday, May 10, 2017 3:55 PM
Joined: 4/8/2015
Posts: 224


Crush, I am in the state of TX and that was my understanding as well that the lawyer is an employee/works for the HOA so if the want they can tell them to stop. However last night when I met with the board the said they can't do anything and I have to speak to the lawyer since the papers have been filed. I just received a call back from their office but haven't listen as I'm trying to work. 

JB, I agree with you that compassion goes a long way but it seems as they are hell bent on getting money as they spent money on a lawyer. I no longer think of our house as our home just a house and fear that anything that I may do will get more fines. I am even at the point of thinking if I pay them this time what's to keep them from doing it again. 


Lakhota
Posted: Wednesday, May 10, 2017 4:25 PM
Joined: 4/8/2015
Posts: 224


Also when I would ask a question the would look at the HOA management rep and ask them what is normal. The rep. would just say it's in the lawyers hands. Once they don't realize that the management company works for us the home owners and they can be told how to inforce and what to inforce as long as it is done fair and the same for everyone.  

 


Crushed
Posted: Wednesday, May 10, 2017 6:20 PM
Joined: 2/2/2014
Posts: 6262


Lakhota wrote:

Crush, I am in the state of TX and that was my understanding as well that the lawyer is an employee/works for the HOA so if the want they can tell them to stop. However last night when I met with the board the said they can't do anything and I have to speak to the lawyer since the papers have been filed. I just received a call back from their office but haven't listen as I'm trying to work. 

JB, I agree with you that compassion goes a long way but it seems as they are hell bent on getting money as they spent money on a lawyer. I no longer think of our house as our home just a house and fear that anything that I may do will get more fines. I am even at the point of thinking if I pay them this time what's to keep them from doing it again. 


My brother in law was a judge in Texas.  Lawyers are no different there from anywhere else.  they always work for the client.  You are just dealing with Texas sized liars. 

 Section Twenty of SB 1168 modifies Section 209.009 of the Texas Property Code, which precludes a Subdivision Association from foreclosing its assessment lien if the debt secured by the lien consists of certain types of debt (ie., fines, attorneys fees associated with fines, unpaid costs associated with the production of records under Section 209.005).  The list of precluded debt types under the modified version of Section 209.009 now also includes unreimbursed cost of conducting a vote recount that exceeded the estimated cost invoiced to the property owner who requested the vote recount.


Lakhota
Posted: Wednesday, May 10, 2017 7:40 PM
Joined: 4/8/2015
Posts: 224


Yes sir that is how I understand the law as well and I am now glad that a lawyer has the same understanding as I do. I read this to the board last night and they stated that my dues are all paid for and that this just appears to be fines and lawyers fee. At that time I asked them that it sounds like they filed an illegal foreclosure and their response was "that sound like a questions for a lawyer".  I don't know if I should just go before the judge by myself and plead my side or what. I really don't want to be the person that has a fool for a client!

Crushed, if this is an illegal foreclosure and everything is taken care of do you feel that this should be something brought to the state bars attention? I feel that as a lawyer that they are the ones that are suppose to know the law and review all the facts before a suite is filed and give proper counsel. If you don't want answer this last part that is ok.