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Need support.
MPSunshine
Posted: Tuesday, September 25, 2018 7:11 PM
Joined: 5/21/2016
Posts: 2010


Second anniversary dad’s death. Feeling incredibly sad, longing for my old life. Sigh. I need your support to get through the day.
Goodtogo
Posted: Tuesday, September 25, 2018 7:39 PM
Joined: 11/27/2017
Posts: 49


  Be kind to yourself.  You may be finally grieving for his passing as well.  Holding you close and sending virtual hugs.  

 


MPSunshine
Posted: Tuesday, September 25, 2018 7:45 PM
Joined: 5/21/2016
Posts: 2010


Thank you goodtogo. Sigh. Wish this could be easier.
Goodtogo
Posted: Tuesday, September 25, 2018 8:17 PM
Joined: 11/27/2017
Posts: 49


Me too.  My dad passed 7 years ago, and I never had the chance to fully grieve.  I realized that I was an orphaned adult.  Wanting to turn back time but at the same time want to move forward.  It’s a process and work IMO.  Hugs

J


dolor
Posted: Tuesday, September 25, 2018 8:41 PM
Joined: 11/9/2017
Posts: 305


Oh no, I'm so sorry. You lost your parents too close together too. Heck yes you're wishing for your old life! I can't give encouragement but I sure can give understanding. 

While the good mother and daughter relationship can be intensely close, the father-daughter relationship can also be as well. For us lucky ones. 

And then comes the price we pay when we have to go on without them. 

I'm guessing you mean today and not tomorrow? If so--you've almost gotten through the day! Are you anywhere that you can step outside, breathe some fresh air, look at the night sky? Even take a walk if it is safe to do so? Do you still have your dog? They can drag us from the darkest of places...

My thoughts are with you! 

 


dutiful deb
Posted: Tuesday, September 25, 2018 9:34 PM
Joined: 1/1/2012
Posts: 1898


Thinking of you, MP. Cuddle your sweet dog, have a good cry, and consider yourself cyber-hugged by many here who care! 

 


Seaside
Posted: Tuesday, September 25, 2018 9:38 PM
Joined: 1/3/2015
Posts: 178


I would never presume to say that I know how you feel...but I did miss my dear Daddy so very much, even though I was 55 when he left us, and "orphaned" me, as my dear mother had died 5 years earlier. Take solace in the comfort of your lovely family now.

Love, Betty


Veterans kid
Posted: Wednesday, September 26, 2018 12:45 AM
Joined: 10/17/2014
Posts: 1239


Nadine,  my dads 2’s anniversary was rough. You have the additional stress or mommy being gone also. I won’t say I know how you feel.  I will say, That many of us who are now adults or fans are in a unique and specific group. And it’s hard. My heart breaks for you, for me, for all of us I have lost both her parents. It doesn’t matter whether you are married and have a family and kids and our grandkids or you’re not married and alone. One fact remains the same-we are adults or fans. I am sending you an lis, That many of us who are now adults or fans are in a unique and specific group. And it’s hard. My heart breaks for you, for me, for all of us I have lost both her parents. It doesn’t matter wherever you are married and have a family and kids and our grandkids or you’re not married and alone. One fact remains the same-we are adults or fans. I am sending you endless hugs, prayers, and Poptarts. 

Your friend always,

Julie 

Always be VK


MPSunshine
Posted: Wednesday, September 26, 2018 2:18 AM
Joined: 5/21/2016
Posts: 2010


Thank you everyone. It’s today. Was dreading it. We will have a memorial dinner but I have to get through the workday first. I used every last bit of leave and have to earn some back. Not feeling great but will get through it. Thanks so much for your help, friends.
George K
Posted: Wednesday, September 26, 2018 5:18 AM
Joined: 12/16/2011
Posts: 2820


Nadine, I'm approaching a second anniversary as well.  Unfortunately, the weather is not cooperating in the least; it's been rainy, dreary, depressing, chilly and dark for what seems like forever.   

My best days are when I focus on the good days we had instead of what I no longer have.  I need to remind myself gratitude is a choice, not a feeling.  When I make the healthy choice to be grateful, my day does seem a little brighter - but only a little.  Strange as it may seem, I get some comfort knowing other people are going through the pain of their own losses.  I think it's not a case of 'Misery loves company' but a case of "Strength in numbers', because we do get through the pain.  I do hope and pray you find some peace of mind and peace of heart as you go through the day.


MPSunshine
Posted: Wednesday, September 26, 2018 5:58 AM
Joined: 5/21/2016
Posts: 2010


Strength in numbers! Thanks again George. Strength in numbers will be my mantra today as I know there are so many angels holding me up to get through the day. Thank you so much!
MPSunshine
Posted: Wednesday, September 26, 2018 6:09 AM
Joined: 5/21/2016
Posts: 2010


Sharing a little story that taught me something. Years ago, when my dad needed a blood transfusion, my principal offered to organize a blood drive for my dad through the school. I was so touched at the principal’s offer and I asked, “How can you care about my dad so much when you do not know him?” What the principal said back to me stuck with me forever:  “I know you love him and so through you I know him and I love him.”
Skittles412
Posted: Wednesday, September 26, 2018 7:08 AM
Joined: 5/14/2018
Posts: 259


MP I"m sending you lots of love and strength today, lifting you up as high as I can....  

I read this and it seems appropriate for you today. "Your presence we miss, your memory we treasure, loving you always, forgetting you never".

I hope this helps you when you think of your parents. <3


Wgonzo
Posted: Wednesday, September 26, 2018 9:09 AM
Joined: 1/8/2016
Posts: 365


I'm right there with you. These are the anniversaries that are not happy. My dad passed 8 years ago and I still cry every now and then. And, since my mom passed in Jan. I'm an adult orphan, doesn't matter that I will be 55.

While my mom was going through the AD journey I felt like I still had her. My mom even in that state of mind didn't change the fact that I was her little girl. I think we all long for that sense of comfort and security that only your parent gives you.

Will we ever come to terms with their passing? Probably not. A part of our heart is missing. The two people that made you are gone.

I think that death is the worst part of life and yet it is inevitable. My FIL passed a couple of weeks ago and now I'm watching my husband go through that fog. It doesn't matter how old we are because our parents made us feel protected.

So, we carry on. Put on a brave face and tell everyone you're ok. But, we do have to keep going because we are still here. We have a purpose. We just need to find it, because our work isn't done. And, one day we will be reunited with our loved ones. In the meantime they are watching over us.

Hugs & Strength to everyone

Wendy


MPSunshine
Posted: Wednesday, September 26, 2018 9:56 AM
Joined: 5/21/2016
Posts: 2010


Y’all are the best support group in the galaxy. Love and courage to all!!!
Goodtogo
Posted: Wednesday, September 26, 2018 4:08 PM
Joined: 11/27/2017
Posts: 49


Nadine, 

Sending plenty of hugs and endless support.  Thinking of you today.  

J

 


dolor
Posted: Wednesday, September 26, 2018 8:45 PM
Joined: 11/9/2017
Posts: 305


I hope the memorial dinner went okay. It's a really lovely idea, now that I think about it. But difficult...

I see the site is going down for maintenance tonight. I remember that happened to me on one of "those" days, back when I was counting in months. Bad timing!


MPSunshine
Posted: Saturday, September 29, 2018 8:26 AM
Joined: 5/21/2016
Posts: 2010


We had the memorial dinner. It was just my husband, the dog, me. We shared stories, laughed until we cried. No one else remembered, or called. It was as it was meant to be.
Sheen66
Posted: Thursday, October 4, 2018 2:19 AM
Joined: 6/10/2018
Posts: 53


MPSun, 

My heart goes out to you and your family. What a blessing that your parents were together as long as they were, even if the fog came rolling in at the end. 

My father was always the “love of my mother’s life. It is easy to see in photos from their early marriage. But he strayed, she never could forgive him, and they were both sad on a level that was hard for me to see until much later. Without her, Daddy’s health declined rapidly and he died of heart failure in his early 70s; I was barely in my 20s, my daughters weren’t born yet. (He was mid- 40s when I came along.)

I’m sharing this with you because I hope it helps you in some way with the your personal journey of grief with your father’s loss. And to maybe know you had a special relationship—which can  the loss harder, I realize. 

When I lurked on the caregiver boards before actually chiming in, I used to refer to them as the “misery boards.” It was’t like I was entertaining myself by the misery of others, it was just such a harsj realization that I belonged to that group that I tried diffusing that with dark humor.

The grief group is painful, but there is healing here...it comes slowly. In baby steps. 

Like you recently, I got the icky sick, and couldn’t even get signed on for a week or two. I kept wondering how everyone here was doing. I’m a kimdet, more compassionate person for having gone through a shared misery onto a place where I am genuinely concerned about a group of grieving friends I’ve never met except in an electronic setting. This connection means a lot to me. Maybe our parents / spouses would be glad to know this.

That was my long way of saying I genuinely care about you, MPS, what you are feeling, and want to know that you are okay. 

I’m glad it sounds like you are. Your  parents had to be so proud to have you as a daughter. 

Love and hugs , Sheen 


Skittles412
Posted: Thursday, October 4, 2018 9:55 AM
Joined: 5/14/2018
Posts: 259


Well put Sheen. I feel the same way about my "electronic" friends here.  You all have really helped me in my time of need whether you know it or not.  I think some of you get me more than my "physical" friends do.  Thank you all, I mean that from the bottom of my heart.

-Kat XOXOXOXO


MPSunshine
Posted: Thursday, October 4, 2018 6:26 PM
Joined: 5/21/2016
Posts: 2010


Thank you, Sheen, Kit, others reading and supporting. What is it we need after a LO dies? Understanding perhaps, comprehension, perhaps empathy. You have given much more and for that I thank you. I am thankful for friends here and in my life. I am so grateful. Blessed.
MissHer
Posted: Thursday, October 4, 2018 6:36 PM
Joined: 11/13/2014
Posts: 2368


Just sending a hug, MP. I'm so sorry for your grief and loss. It leaves an empty spot in our hearts and lives.

Deb


MPSunshine
Posted: Monday, October 8, 2018 3:32 PM
Joined: 5/21/2016
Posts: 2010


Thank you Deb.
Sheen66
Posted: Tuesday, October 9, 2018 4:10 PM
Joined: 6/10/2018
Posts: 53


Kat, MPSun, others, 

To answer MP’s latest question I think we need two things most importantly when a loved one dies, beyond what the grief literature says. In my mind those things are 1) community and 2) ritual of some kind. 

The first is why we come here. The second is why the memorial dinner meant so much, and even if it was “just” the three of you, it was powerful and meaningful. 

That’s pretty much all I wanted to add. 

I’m grateful for all your support and commaraderie. 

Kat, thank you for the nice message to me and taking the time to let me know I’ve made a difference. We are all so busy with our daily lives, it’s good to know that we can reach each other in these times and be kind to one another. 


MPSunshine
Posted: Wednesday, October 10, 2018 5:56 AM
Joined: 5/21/2016
Posts: 2010


Sheen, I think you hit on something with the needs being for 1. community and 2. ritual.

It seems like the older I get the more the rituals around things other than marriages, births, baptisms, I guess I would categorize the fun stuff. It gets to be more and more funerals and memorials. Maybe that's how we realize we are aging, when the balance shifts. Anyway, that's my simple little thought for the day. Now I have to get ready for work, but I appreciate you all and thank you for the support you give to each other and to me -- thank you.