RSS Feed Print
May will be 10 years.
Posted: Friday, December 28, 2018 7:49 PM
Joined: 12/14/2011
Posts: 426

10 years since this dreaded disease took Mom (my MIL).

With Christmas being here and Jim progressing on his journey I have spent a lot of time remembering.........

Her room now, still sits with boxes of her stuff in it...the vanity still holds her one has slept in it since her first I could hardly go in her room... it holds little to no meaning to me now. ...I had planned to empty it this past summer. My son came to assist but just as we opened the door to begin the door bell rang and it was friends from out of state we hadn't seen for a long time.....we never got back to the room.....

Sometimes I ponder if I don't get it emptied and Jim leaves me too if I will end up living in a house full of emptiness with rooms with closed doors......

I miss her terribly.....

Posted: Sunday, December 30, 2018 1:24 AM
Joined: 11/9/2017
Posts: 305

This makes me feel a bit better I must admit. May will be two years for my mom. I have only started to go through a few items-a small box sits in my car waiting for a dreaded trip to donate. Most everything has been left untouched-her vanity, her office with pencils and pads of paper from which she tore and destroyed her writings...she was lucid enough--or not-to be sure to leave no clues behind. Everytine I find something packed away, memories explode like bombs. Just as telling are the things I don't find, many gifts I gave her that were thrown anger? i'll never know.  
A house filled with her life and which my siblings have decided is my problem. 

Posted: Sunday, December 30, 2018 5:44 PM
Joined: 12/14/2011
Posts: 426

Yes!!! Dolor it sounds as if you understand. 

The first year or so I felt great pressure to go through her things and dispose of everything... I donated a couple things, mixed in a few of her collectibles with mine. But my heart was never in it.... so everything else was left to sit..Her clothes still hang in the closet, and probably 40 or so boxes of things crowd her room....   it can stay there forever..or be removed tomorrow, doesn't matter...

I no longer feel pressure to take care of it....don't feel anything about it really....I had thought of making her room into a paint room / gym  where I could set up my easel and exercise equipment and do as I felt.....but the drive isn't there...

They say time heals all wounds..... they lie....but sometimes, if you're lucky the pain dulls...

Posted: Sunday, December 30, 2018 8:57 PM
Joined: 11/9/2017
Posts: 305

What a good way of putting it. Yes, I too will end up in an empty house with closed doors. 

At some point I stopped and wondered why we feel the need to go through their things and "do" something with them--aside from family pressure that *we* do it. It isn't as if we are clearing a room in a facility for the next short term victim, or "resident."

My mom's clothes also still hang in her closet, aside from the ones I have integrated and wear with so much love. Notepads and pencils remain as she left them, her sun hat hangs by the door. Her notes, recipes, inspirational quotes in her beautiful handwriting, yellowed, are still on the fridge. At first I was overwhelmed with the sheer quantity of stuff; now I just let it be. It's comforting in a way.

My SIL, who had been so supportive during Mom's illness, *texted* exactly 29 days after her death and asked for jewelry for her and her daughter. I was stunned. I replied via text I wasn't ready to give Mom's possessions away and didn't know when I would be. All her "support" vanished into thin air. 

I've read many stories of people who leave their LO's room exactly as it was, like they may return any moment. I don't want all my mom's possessions gone. I've lost enough. 

Posted: Monday, December 31, 2018 12:48 AM
Joined: 5/2/2014
Posts: 761

It was 3 years in October that I lost my momma to this horrid disease and I have a garage and my back shed filled with her belongings. I had donated a few things long before she passed and i got rid of some stuff that we had left in Denver when she came to live with me. But I just can't seem to pull it together enough to start going through her things I have here. So many of them have a sentimental value to me. For example, all her costume jewelry is in a box in my bedroom, it is nothing I will ever wear but I remember as a small girl her letting me play dress up with it. I will wash up all her nicer clothes and donate them as they do not fit me but there are a few pieces I want to keep for a reminder of how beautiful she always looked or those special outfits that bring back a memory. She has so much stuff and it is overwhelming trying to decide what stays and what goes. I don't want to regret getting rid of something which is why I have waited so long. But here I sit, not one step closer to letting any of it go. Deep down I am afraid it just makes her passing so final. My brother does not want any of it as he is not sentimental like I am. She still has things we made as kids, our grade school papers, etc. Cards and letters from us kids, her family, etc. Photos of us and her grandkids which we have copies of the same pictures as we were the ones who sent them to her, but how do I just toss those pictures out knowing how much she cherished having them.

I too miss her terribly....

Posted: Saturday, January 5, 2019 12:03 PM
Joined: 5/21/2016
Posts: 2010

Hi, shardy. So, the things, I can affirm, give comfort. Why throw them? If you do not have to, then just go there when you need to feel the presence and enjoy the memories they bring. Why rush? Surely we can now take our time.