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no more financial responsibility for me
Posted: Monday, September 16, 2019 5:14 PM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3608

over paid utility bill for my house for sale, by triple, more than a few times. could not figure out online banking anymore.

money is something that is just over and my son is supposed to take over all of it but I have to keep reminding him. now it so screwed up he and daughter said "OK we will have everything sent to us".

value of money is iffy too. paying for groceries when I walk to store, they have to do the credit card thing - used to be so economical about stuff, now i don't care.

have not left house in weeks except to slow walk dog. summer is ending, still settling into my room. this was good for me to come here. having my hair cut off this week.

got clothes down to closet. baskets. have not been able to sort paper stuff from my house but found some important documents and set aside. Keeping my dog has been really helpful, she makes people comfortable around me and we communicate well. We sit together on the covered porch and watch the sunset. 

Habib has gotten used to me and we help each other every day, our friendship grows. His friends are comfortable around me now.

if i knew back then what I know now - I would have cleaned out house and paperwork right after diagnosis. an easy environment makes this pretty comfortable. No complaints about any of it.

love and courage

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eva margery desert (3).jpg (53096 bytes)

Posted: Monday, September 16, 2019 5:47 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 20706

yeah....if I knew then what I do now
Michael Ellenbogen
Posted: Monday, September 16, 2019 6:01 PM
Joined: 11/30/2011
Posts: 4244

Paying bills was one of my first issue and I screwed up a budget by millions at work.

Posted: Monday, September 16, 2019 8:34 PM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3608

michael - that must have been miserable.

sometimes financial errors are referred to as very common initial sign - calculating, making sense of money and/or numbers.

JFK OC - yeah, if I knew back then what I know now is just how Life goes. Maybe if new people come to board with that part of the struggle, what should I do?  they might be moved to take action sooner rather than later. Live in an easy place.

Jo C.
Posted: Tuesday, September 17, 2019 12:28 PM
Joined: 12/9/2011
Posts: 12714

Hello!  I am so glad you Posted; I have been thinking of you and wondering how things are going.

It is really great to hear that things are settled and of far more ease; that is a blessing beyond measure for sure.  Come deep winter, there will be no nasty ice or deep snow drifts and all its danger to contend with, and dear doggie will be able to continue to use the easy access outside without freezing paws.

Love your photo; you are SO pretty.  In fact, you are so lovely it brings to mind that you look like a wonderful classic actress - think  Lauren Bacall, or Helen Mirren or Joan Fontaine, etc.  As said, classic lady.

 How wonderful that the relationship with Mr. H has blossomed and the two of you have found a way of "being" together.  Getting the bills sent to the kids and using the card rather than cash sounds like a good plan.

Do know you are often thought of by your friends here and we are always delighted to get an update from you and hearing what you are up to.


P.S.  Gotta be in that nurse mode again - everyone; don't forget to get your flu shots - free at local pharmacies!

Posted: Tuesday, September 17, 2019 2:50 PM
Joined: 1/28/2013
Posts: 2659

You are indeed a classical beauty, Alz.  Lauren Bacall for sure in my book.

I'm not even diagnosed yet, and I can't get my 'stuff' together to leave a clean, serene slate, so don't beat yourself up about it.  My father died suddenly and unexpectedly, leaving a mess for the rest of us to handle.  The  night he died, I sat drinking a glass of wine with a family friend, and she said, "What some people WILL do to get out of their obligations."  That was one of the best laughs I've had in my life.  We're all going to leave a bit of a mess.  It's simply life.

I just had to cancel my main credit card because someone got hold of the number and made unauthorized charges to an adult entertainment phone chat line.  Now I have to change all of the automatic bill payments I had set up.  What an incredible mess over something that had been so simple.  Life is a series of messes.

Posted: Wednesday, September 18, 2019 9:31 AM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3608

our living arrangement is built on who can still do what in each moment.  :}

I can cook and make large enough amounts to freeze but I can not carry home much from walkable grocery. Yesterday I was able to be dropped off at a big grocery store with a list and allowed to shop over more than an hour slow. I dressed normal.

The store was very quiet, hardly any other customers, I took 1/4 ativan an hour earlier and wandered talking to myself for over an hour with my list in hand. 

after many criss-crossings of store for forgotten or searching for things I was done and there was one check out person and no one else in line. Another woman who was stacking shelves just showed up and unpacked my cart and handed over my grocery packing bags to checkout woman. They asked if I had a ride home,  if I needed help getting cart outside and did my credit card for me.

Could not believe it happened. I texted Habib, came right away and put stuff in car and I helped haul up the 20 steps. I did not flinch or put feet up in fear in car, the tunnel vision still is awful but I look into my lap or outside window.

I get fearful as days shorten as it took me over 4 weeks to get courage to get in the car and could not have done it without being sedated.

 heard my kids might rent my house for winter. I don't want to know about this or money or I get agitated, then I get agitated not knowing. I use THC oil if it gets intense.

 wish I could wander a thrift store or a book sale, was invited to a poetry reading but the fear of even being out at night made my legs tremble. Was asked to come to a book club forming tonight by several neighbor women, terrified but still considering.

 attached a really good photo of me, don't look that good in real life.

I do use my trick of when in fear take an interest thing but it would not get me to a grocery store. It is raining.

I don't remember what swiffer things I was supposed to get.

love my friends here, wish you all the best. we are going from here to there and it is easier if you make the journey as comfortable as possible.

love and courage