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Sixth Month Anniversary and Recovery
Posted: Saturday, February 29, 2020 2:08 PM
Joined: 6/21/2019
Posts: 1043

I want to share this with all of you caregivers who are now in the grieving and recovery process. I hope it helps you in some way in your journey out of the Alzheimer's nightmare that we all share.

It's been six months now since I said goodbye to Sandy.


It's been hard to accept she's gone, but I think I've finally found a path to recovery through therapy.

A counselor gave me a book to read, and last Tuesday I came upon this quote:

"The world may see you as one person, but one person may see you as the world."

When I processed that, I finally understood why I was grieving so hard.

Sandy was my world, and I was hers. The first week after her death, I kept telling the counselor my world died when she died, I was too disoriented to understand what that meant. For whatever reason, the way that quote was worded brought it home to me.

I've started opening up to friends again without shutting down emotionally.  I don't feel guilty about her death now. 

I understand I did everything possible to help her and she would have to leave regardless. Her last words to me were she loved me and didn't want to say goodbye. Her last words words brought me great pain. Now I understand and appreciate them without the pain. That quote has helped me to finally find the proper perspective of everything that happened in this long nightmare. 

I spent the last week explaining all of this to four different Hospice personnel. The one whose job involves placing Volunteers at the Hospice offered me a chance to volunteer if and when I feel like working again.

I'm going to see her in March to take a tour of the facility. I want to channel all of my experience caregiving for my wife into helping other caregivers.

Wish me luck anyone?


Posted: Monday, March 2, 2020 4:28 PM
Joined: 4/1/2014
Posts: 5214

6 months gone is a sad anniversary, but I also note my mother's passing every month-it actually brings me comfort to remember her, but I try to replace the death part to her good life part. I've been through many pictures and look at some over and over-I see mom smiling, laughing, having fun. She had a wonderful life and even with dementia, she was content and sweet.

 Death for her was hard, but I think it is for everyone and I don't think it was consciously painful for her. We have to find the good where we can, so I hope you will consider being a volunteer because you have a lot to offer, especially to men who are going through what you have recently gone through. Good luck!

Posted: Tuesday, March 3, 2020 7:15 AM
Joined: 5/14/2018
Posts: 259

Best of luck to you Army Vet.  It's so wonderful that you want to pay it forward and that you can share your experience with others and help them in their time of need. You're an upstanding, selfless guy my friend.  Sending you lots of love and strength as you navigate the grieving process.

xoxoxo -Kat

Posted: Saturday, March 7, 2020 1:02 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 20394

I do wish you good luck. Please keep us informed.
Posted: Monday, March 16, 2020 10:51 AM
Joined: 6/21/2019
Posts: 1043

Well, with the C. Virus situation ongoing, I won't be able to volunteer at the Hospice until the All Clear signal is given for visitations to be allowed.

I had joined a Pool League as shooting pool has been stress relief therapy for me, and this morning that activity has been shut down for at least two weeks.

Posted: Monday, March 16, 2020 1:00 PM
Joined: 4/1/2014
Posts: 5214

Yesterday was mom's birthday and 5 months since she's been gone. I was planning on being somewhere else - maybe going someplace or seeing friends or eating out- instead I was cooped up in the house and sitting in the room mom died in and feeling sad and sorry for myself.

We just have to make the best of it- just as we did when our LOs were alive and we saw them declining-that there is an end in sight. We just have to put one foot in front of the other and carry on the best we can and we will be alright.

Hoping you get back to the hospice and pool halls asap

Mrs. O
Posted: Monday, March 23, 2020 2:03 AM
Joined: 8/1/2017
Posts: 310

Yes, best of luck to you Army Vet. I’m still in too much of a fog to elaborate much (lost DH 5 mo. ago), but want you to know that I feel your pain, and wish you well.
Posted: Monday, March 23, 2020 8:02 AM
Joined: 6/21/2019
Posts: 1043

Mrs. O wrote:
Yes, best of luck to you Army Vet. I’m still in too much of a fog to elaborate much (lost DH 5 mo. ago), but want you to know that I feel your pain, and wish you well.
Thank you. I hope you can find your way out of the pain.