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Am I doing the right thing?
Posted: Thursday, November 19, 2020 7:55 PM
Joined: 5/25/2020
Posts: 151

For the last two weeks, since he came out of hospital, I've gone to see DH every day for a window visit. Most of the time he isn't engaged at all, just staring into the distance, or even sleeping. 

I'm usually there for around half an hour and I chat in a conversational way, as if he was talking too. I talk about my work, our friends, the dog. Often I weave into the conversation his favorite memories - for example I'll say how much I wished I could see the farmhouse where he grew up, then I describe it to him the way he always talked about.

Today, though, it occurred to me whether it might be annoying or tiring to listen to me jabber on for half an hour every day. If I was inside with him, I could hold his hand, or play the drums on his knees in time to music, but I can't do that the other side of the window. 

What do you think - keep talking, or just say a few things every now and then? appreciate your thoughts.

Posted: Thursday, November 19, 2020 8:11 PM
Joined: 2/16/2017
Posts: 1084

I would probably just keep talking I am sure be loves to hear your voice. Tell him stories about the past things like that he will probably remember. Just the sound of your voice will be of some comfort to him knowing you are there. Hugs Zetta
Posted: Friday, November 20, 2020 7:10 AM
Joined: 4/2/2018
Posts: 3682

I agree. Just keep doing the things you are doing. But don't make it too hard on yourself. You need time to recuperate.
Posted: Saturday, November 21, 2020 5:26 PM
Joined: 2/14/2014
Posts: 58

You keep it up huneeee! Talking at your loved one has got to be therapeutic for you too! 

Good to hear your hubby is out of the hospital...I'm assuming you are able to. Is it him in his carehome?

God Bless. 

Posted: Saturday, November 21, 2020 9:07 PM
Joined: 5/25/2020
Posts: 151

Thanks everyone for your thoughts. I'll keep on doing it. It was a lovely day here (NJ) today, so I had a 1-hour window visit. I did incorporate some pauses!

Cathy, you're right, it really is therapeutic for me. Up until three months ago, when we placed DH in memory care, I was tearing my hair out that I had no time for myself - I was with DH 24 hrs/day. Back then he was extremely talkative, even though much of it made not sense. Now I can barely see him and he rarely says anything. (It's a fast progressing EO dementia.) There's no pleasing me!