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SadinHeart
heart
Posted: Monday, April 2, 2012 2:14 PM
Joined: 12/2/2011
Posts: 138


I know that when we lose a loved one, others only allow us a short time to grief,then expect us to be okay and move on. It is the same with the AD journey. It can be a long road,yet those around us just expect us to continue our lives as usual because it allows them to forget about how AD is affecting our lives.

 

I understand that you feel you must hold your emotions in around most of the world, but it is important to have someone,even one person, to talk to honestly and openly without judgement. You will grieve for awhile,and having someone to talk to is helpful.


SadinHeart
Posted: Monday, April 2, 2012 6:11 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 403


Thank you for your msg. I just dont feel that anybody can understand how I feel unless they have lived through it.

 

I even asked my husband yesterday if he has ever lost someone close to him that he talked to or saw every day. The answer is no. So I know why it is hard for him to understand why I start crying all of the sudden.

 

How can I explain it. There really doesnt need to be a reason for me to cry, the reason is already in me every minute of the day. Sometimes I get this feeling that I need to call my mom. It only lasts seconds, but it happens. I talked to my parents every single day of my life. I just hit my 50 last yr. That is a long time.  Even when I was in another country or on a cruise, I would call. It didnt matter what we talked about, what matter is that my mom enjoyed talking to me and I enjoyed talking to her.

 

Only those of us that have lost someone so close understand the void and the emptiness that is left behind. It will take time to get used to it, but the pain will never go away.


dayn2nite
Posted: Monday, April 2, 2012 6:38 PM
Joined: 12/18/2011
Posts: 3097


Sad, your post is very timely for me--my mother passed yesterday and it seems like my siblings have just "moved on" already.  I'm not crying constantly, but I was going down the road and thought to myself "I need to stop and get some socks for mom" and then realized I don't, and started crying.  Then, I happened to look at the clock and it was exactly 24 hours after mom passed, I thought "24 hours' and burst into tears.  Really, all I ever did was work and go to the NH.  Half my life is gone now.  How do you suddenly start doing something new?

 

I'm rambling, I know all this is new but I really think I'll feel this way 6 months from now.  I have to find something to fill my time with, but nothing I find to do will be as good as holding mom's hand and just talking to her, even though she couldn't talk anymore.


heart
Posted: Monday, April 2, 2012 7:22 PM
Joined: 12/2/2011
Posts: 138


Dayntonite and sadinheart,

I send you deepest condolences for your loss. The other day I got a phone call from a childhood friend whose mom passed recently. I asked my friend how she was doing and she told me not so well as her voice cracked. My heart sunk for her because I have been down that road, so I know her pain and yours. This friend had never married, and lived with her mom for 61 yrs. They were best friends. Just like you feel, she feels.

 

This is not an easy time for either of you. When my dad died, none of my friends understood the grief because they had not lost a parent. Then, when it happened to them, they had an aha moment and understood it. Think about it, the same is true with Alzheimers. Our loved one had AD. Did anyone in your circle understand the difficulty of your life of being a caregiver? If so, you were fortunate.

 

 I think most of us here are here because we dont have people in our lives that understand the devastating disease and how it not only affects our loved ones so so cruelly, but it also is destructive to the caregiver's health and life.

 

The tears will come without reason, just as the tears came when they were alive struggling with AD. Dont try to understand it. Just allow your emotions to come out. That is the only way to help with the healing. This community is here for you, always.

 

Your friend,

Elena


SadinHeart
Posted: Tuesday, April 3, 2012 4:34 AM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 403


dayn2nite, I am very sorry to hear that your mom passed away. I know what you mean about counting the hours, then the days, then the months. The only comfort you can find is in knowing that they are no longer suffering, but then the empty space becomes a reality and that is also very painful.

 

This month is a hard one for me, my dad passed away last year on the 19th of April, 2011. It was a fast mourning for me because I had to take care of mom as soon as dad passed away. The day he passed I sat next to him until he took his last breath, then the moment that happened I went to where my mom was which was on the other bed in the room and sat next to her. My mom was never a very touchy person, we all got that from her, we dont like to be touched, but she put her hand in mine and I knew what that meant. She was putting herself in my hands. I felt her loneliness, her fear that dad had left her behind so now she was relying on me to care for her and so I did.

 

I had so much planned for my mom and this horrible disease also took her away.

 

To me is like an open wound that instead of healing it opens up again.

 

So I am concentrating in traveling. It keeps me looking forward to something.