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SadinHeart
Posted: Thursday, April 19, 2012 5:29 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 403


My dad was wide awake until four or five days before he passed then he slept all day. When he wasnt sleeping he still would not open his eyes. The body starts weakening due to lack of hydration. My dad and mom did leave a living will requesting no hydration.

 

Dad was also running a fever one day, that is because the organs start shutting down and every day there is less urine output because the kidneys stop functioning.

 

The eyes look dazed, you think they can see but they cannot, the hospice doctor showed me how to check his eyes by running a small flashlight to see if he contracted them, it came a day when that didnt happen.

 

Both of my parents were on oxygen until they passed. The oxygen is to help them not feel pain. That is what we were told both time. It gives them comfort as they go through the last moments.

 

With my mom I was told that once they stop having a bowel movement and there is no urine output that means that organs stop functioning.

 

The circulation stops first in the lower extremities, that is why first you see a light purplish color at the bottom of the feet. The feet turn purple. We had to put cream at the bottom of dad's right leg because the skin started tearing apart. Dear Lord. It was awful.

 

The hands do not turn cold and purple until they day they are going to pass. That is a sign that the circulation is shutting down and keeps going up until it gets to the brain.

 


SadinHeart
Posted: Thursday, April 19, 2012 5:34 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 403


When my dad stopped swallowing, my mom asked if we were going to put a feeding tube in. Mom was an RN. I told her no. I will never forget the look in her eyes when I said that. I felt terrible. She got very upset.

 

I brought out dad's living will and asked her to read it and confirm his initials and signature.

 

I told her that those were his wishes BUT if she wanted to change it, we could just tear up that paper and put as many tubes as she wished. She was crying. So I said mom, dad is going to die, his body is giving up because of this disease, do you really want to prolong this misery for him? That is when she said no, we need to let him to go.

 

Because she also had AD and I didnt know how she was going to end up after this, I also had her read hers and asked if she wanted us to do that for her or did she want to tear it up. For her she was very sure that she did not want us to prolong her life once it got to that point. Little did I know I was going to make that decision for her 10 months later.


Oceanbum
Posted: Thursday, April 19, 2012 8:02 PM
Joined: 3/11/2012
Posts: 433


day2nite & SadinHeart,

 

Thank you SO much for your help. I knew you both would help me and be honest with me. Now I know what I should watch out for. I will keep you posted.

 

Thank you again SO much.

 

Becky


OMNI461
Posted: Thursday, April 19, 2012 9:49 PM
Joined: 12/20/2011
Posts: 84


Oceanbum--I'm glad Sadinheart and DayN2nite were able to share their experiences with you. I agree with you that I think it will make it "easier" (if there is even such a thing at this time) to know what to look for and expect. I would share my mom's experience but she passed away a bit differently--I did not notice the purple hands and I did not look at the feet. She seemed to have color in her face pretty close to when she actually passed away.

 

Her situation was that she could not breath on her own without life support. She did not want that long-term, so I had to decide to stop treatment when she could not successfully breathe on her own after multiple attempts. She did take 12 hours to pass away after removing the tube for the last time (totally unexpected and baffling to everyone since she crashed within 15 minutes all the prior times).

 

Her body was shutting down for several days prior I believe. She did have an unexplained fever one night, but it went away. Her kidney function was bad then okay then bad, etc. it was up and down. She had swelling in the hands and arms and it was never expained really, other than she had CHF but they did not think that was the cause of it.

 

The cardiologist told me and my brother that all of her organs were registering in the normal range...but barely and they were all on the brink being in danger. She ultimately had blood issues too. That's when I started googling the dying process because I wanted to know what to look for and what to expect. She did have the guppy breathing before going on life support, which unknown to me could have been the beginning of the end but we tried to fix it.

 

Anyway, I agree and understand with your need to be informed about this process. I'm thinking about you and hope for a peaceful time for all of you.


Oceanbum
Posted: Friday, April 20, 2012 8:04 AM
Joined: 3/11/2012
Posts: 433


Thank you for sharing your experience with me, OMNI461. I am glad that people understand. Mom has always been there for me to help see me through the toughest times of my life. I am her only daughter and the baby of the family, too. So we have always been very close. So I feel like I owe her this for everything that she has done for me over the years. She even told me one time in the midst of all of my infertility issues that if she wasn't too old she would consider having a baby for me. That's how special my Mom is to me and the relationship we have had over the years. I, of course, told her no. I didn't want to risk losing my Mom. But it meant the world to me that she even for one second thought about it. So now it's my turn to be there for her. I have to be no matter what.
Oceanbum
Posted: Friday, April 20, 2012 2:08 PM
Joined: 3/11/2012
Posts: 433


SadinHeart,

 

Thank you so much for sharing your story. What a beautiful and touching story. Your parents truly sacrificed so much for you and your siblings.

 

Mom was better today. No fever, color was good, sitting up dressed in the chair, awake, they said she ate all of her lunch. So things were good today!! Yay!! I sat and talked to her and she tried to talk to me but couldn't. She just didn't have the strength. I took her a Cincinnati Reds teddy bear that I had gotten her. I decided to try and see if that would make her feel better. She looked at it and tried to smile a little bit. I think she liked it!


SadinHeart
Posted: Sunday, April 22, 2012 6:34 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 403


I am so glad your mom was doing well on Friday. I hope she had a good weekend as well.