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Posted: Monday, May 21, 2012 7:09 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 403

Lately I've been thinking about death because it seems that so many people are dying. You hear everyday about someone that died.


Before my parents died I was terrified about getting on a plane. It was so bad that I couldnt even make a reservation without feeling anxious. I love to watch planes take off/land, but I couldnt watch it without feeling anxious. I just completely avoided flying for 12 yrs then my husband wanted to go to Italy for our honeymoon so I took 1mg of Xanax as soon as they said they would start boarding. I made it there and back without a problem, but I was under the effect of 1mg of Xanax, which for me it is very strong.


So we ended up cruising the caribbean more than we wanted to and driving to Niagara Falls all the way from Florida just because I would not fly.


I even read books about getting rid of the fear of flying, my husband gave me a set of CD's to listen to and nothing helped. In the CD the guy was saying that planes dont just fall out of the sky, well then the Brazil-Paris incident happened where over 200 people died because the plane plummeted to the ocean. Human error of course, but it happened.


I dont know what happened, but about a month after my dad died one day I just booked our trip to France. I did not feel any anxiety at all and I didnt have to take Xanax, even though the flight back was 10.5 hrs.


Now, we are getting ready to fly next month to Europe and I keep hearing on the news that they have a new bomb that they put in their underwear. I told my husband, well if it's going to happen I hope it happens on our way back so it doesnt ruin our trip. I was being sarcastic and humorous. But something inside me just doesnt care anymore about dying.


Dying does not scare me anymore. If it happened to my parents, why should it not happen to me.

Waiting for a cure
Posted: Tuesday, May 22, 2012 3:51 AM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 295

I'm glad you don't fear death.  I don't either.  A year ago, before my mom died, I was talking with a friend about her upcoming travels. She had to choose between two flights that both made her nervous.  She asked me wither I was afriad of dying in a plane crash.  I replied that really, I would be more concerned about the possiblity of living through a plane crash than dying in a plane crash. I'm Chrhistian and believe that when my body dies, God will call my spirit home.    In contrast, life after a tragic and scary accident would be awful.


My mom was Crhsitian too.  When her time came, she hadn't eaten or taken fluids for 5 days.She wasn't exactly in a coma but was considerd clinically nonresponsive.  Her nurses were quite confident she'd pass away that day from the early morning hours because of changes they saw.  The hospice nurse said my mom was hainging on for something.  Throughout the five days, she hadn't appeared distressed or having to work out issues.   She was so calm and stable during the process they took her off continuous care for a day and a half.  And yet, that day, she really hung onto life.  I wonder whether it was her spirit hanging on or having trouble leaving.  I am ok with not knowing for now what my mom was going through those hours but it makes me wonder if I'd want to cling to life when I get close to leaving this "tent" as the apolstle Paul called it.



George K
Posted: Tuesday, May 22, 2012 8:44 AM
Joined: 12/16/2011
Posts: 2818

 Hi SadinHeart, I'm 70 years old.


My view of death is something like this:


I believe I'm created in God's image and likeness.  God is love.  God is a spirit.  God is a verb.  So for now I'm a spiritual being on a human journey.  My purpose in life is to actively grow in peace, love and understanding.  Through all these deaths in my life of the people I've loved, I've grown more than I ever wanted too.  I'm much more gentle, kind, loving, understanding, forgiving, compassionate, and all that good God stuff because of the pain I've been through.  AA's Bill W wrote, "Pain is the touchstone to spiritual growth."  I'm still growing spiritually.  But I guess that's the way it goes.


My belief about heaven used to be that God sat on a Judgement Throne, keeping score on my life.  I wasn't living a Godly life.  So I wasn't looking forward to my death.  Today I believe God sits in a rocking chair.  He is still a judgemental God, only now He's sorta like the judge in a pie-eating contest.  He doesn't throw the pie in the runners-up faces; He rewards the best.  In heaven I believe there's no past or future, only the present.  All our time is spent with God, there's never a dull moment because it's always only this moment.  I believe I'll be reunited with all those who've died before me and who'll follow me.


My wife was diagnosed 16 years ago, A lot of that time has been spent saying 'goodbye' in small increments.  I'm not afraid of death, but I don't like the process of death.  I know it comes for all of us eventually, maybe all I can do is try to live a life of unconditional love until then.

Posted: Tuesday, May 22, 2012 12:11 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 403

I have always believed that God is a power that we will never comprehend as long as we are in the flesh. I dont know if you read my post about how I explained to children I taught to understand the concept of God and Jesus Christ. It is so simple, yet we make it so complicated.


I have never thought about death until I lost my parents. I honestly dont feel they are gone. I feel they exist but in another dimension. 


I dont want to die "yet" because there is so much more my husband and I would like to do together like we want to travel the world before we leave it. At least that is what we plan to do, let's see what life plans for us. But I am not afraid to die anymore.


I am so sorry that you and your wife have had to deal with this horrible disease for 16 yrs. I cannot imagine 16 yrs of watching my parents in that condition. That is why I am glad that they only had to deal with it for 2 yrs.


I hope at the same time you care for your wife you do things for yourself. You still have a lot of living to do. Have you ever watched "Jan's Story"? Here is the link: 


I like that saying about being a spiritual being having a human experience. I believe it.

George K
Posted: Wednesday, May 23, 2012 6:08 AM
Joined: 12/16/2011
Posts: 2818

Hi SadinHeart, that's the first time I've seen "Jan's Story", I know just how that guy feels.  I'm going to post that site on the 'weird sense of humor' page, maybe Jim_Knox needs to see this.


One thing I've been making progress with is about a line in the Bible, "In all things give thanks."  I'm not thankful for my wife having this damned disease.  But I'm starting to be grateful I've had this opportunity to grow in peace, love and understanding.  To be honest, I'm trying to start to cultivate an attitude of gratitude.

I need to live my life, and I don't want it to be filled with anger and resentment at God or life.  Monty Python has a line in a song, "Always look on the bright side of death."  With the belief I have about God and death, I can try to do that.


Once again, I thank all who post here, I'm feeling a lot better knowing I'm not alone in this horror.

Posted: Wednesday, May 23, 2012 2:39 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 403

My brother asked me to watch "Jan's Story" when my parents were going through this. Little did I know that one day my mom would also see herself in the mirror and think it was someone else.


It was heartbreaking to see this young woman go through such a horrible disease at such an early age. I also watched the movie "A Song for Martin" and the documentary by Maria Shriver. Everyone who has a LO with this horrible disease should watch these movies so they can see that they are not alone. What is happening to your LO is not strange or unique, it is part of the disease. At least it helped me understand what my parents went through and what we were going through.


I don't blame Jan's husband for moving on because no matter what you do, there is nothing you can do to make this disease get better or go away. But at the same time your life is going by very fast and before you know it, your life is gone and then what. So he did what he could with the best of both worlds. He stayed close to his Jan and made sure she was well taken care of and he was able to continue enjoying life with another person that filled that empty space in his heart.


But honestly, if anyone wants to criticize this guy for moving on, the first thing I would think about if I was him is what are they doing to help my situation and second I would remember a saying I read: "What people think of me is none of my business"