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Still seeing life through her "lenses"
Waiting for a cure
Posted: Tuesday, August 21, 2012 6:22 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 295

Marj, I'm thinking about you as you return soon to your much busier workweek.  I know you'll be especially sad at the times of day you would have gone to be with your mom. I keep finding myself giving thanks to God for the fact that you were able to dial back your schedule to be with your mom when you did.


I got teary reading my friends' responses about seeing changes in your loved ones' faces in photos.  On one hand, it's a sad fact, another part of what our loved ones have gone through, and it mirrors the changes going on inside of them so...tragically.   I feel bad because I wonder if my inquiry about this brought further sadness to you.  If that's the case, please accept my heartfelt apology.  We shed tears together but I don't want to add an ounce to your sadness.


I've noticed "she has that face..." on strangers, too, Dayn2nite.  Sometimes when I saw it, at least once I've tried to see if that person was out and about alone (not to say they shouldn't be, because as we know that face shows up sometimes before our loved ones' independence fails).  I've pointed it out to my husband (discreetly of course) and he didn't see "it". No offense to those in the medical profession, but if we can spot it on complete  strangers, and if "that face" shows up before "that face" part of diagnostic factors, in addition to MMSE and other measures?  If it's not, it should be.  Well, not trying to make this discussion something just clinical.    


Oceanbum, your observation about the change in your mom's smile reminded me of the change in my mom's smile.  It was not as bright, and had changes that MLB and KML mentioned.  My mom's dementia smile reminds me of her efforts to play along, to act like she understands the conversation or recognizes the person who's greeted her in the market, when she actually doesn't. Seeing now with some hindsight new things in these old photos reminds me, painfully, that I didn't have a good grasp on what she was going through early on....she definitely needed help and I was doing whatever I could for her, but she was really good at hiding the extent of the difficulty she was probably having.



Sorry for the long post.





Posted: Tuesday, August 21, 2012 8:25 PM
Joined: 12/18/2011
Posts: 3097

Waiting, you didn't upset me with the question....and to be honest last week I discreetly followed an older man in the grocery store because it was clear to me he was having trouble concentrating (I was in the area in case I felt like he needed help) and thankfully a woman who possibly could have been a daughter must have come to pick him up and when she didn't see him waiting in the front she parked and came in.