RSS Feed Print
I guess I belong here now (its so sad)
Posted: Friday, May 10, 2013 10:02 AM
Joined: 3/13/2013
Posts: 49

My dear mother passed away on May 6th she fought a long battle with alzheimers. She had the disease for about 7 years.  The last 2 she was bedbound and we cared for her at home.  Our lives (my dad and me) revolved around caring for my mother we had such a routine.  Now we just seem kinda lost.  Its heartbreaking to walk in the living room and see the spot where the hospital bed was with my mom in it.  Now we have a empty chair and a table in the place.  I know my mom is in heaven and it gives me comfort but this horrible disease just does something to us caregivers that you cant even put into words.  I know you all understand and also my mom was only 67 years old.
Posted: Friday, May 10, 2013 10:08 AM
Joined: 4/19/2012
Posts: 414

I am so sorry for the loss of your mom, and especially at such a young age.


You will feel lost .......that is just what happens. Take it slow and easy, don't be hard on yourself, be gentle, grieve, grieve, and grieve some more.


Time is the only thing that eases the pain. You will survive this, it is just part of a long road.


My condolences to you and your dad.

Posted: Friday, May 10, 2013 5:07 PM
Joined: 12/2/2011
Posts: 726

Oh, smoky -- I am sending many hugs to you and your dad.  Please be good to yourself.  As faraway said, take time to grieve.  Your loss is so fresh.  At that point, I remember feeling like I physically hurt from the grief.  It was as if I was in a fog.  My heart goes out to you.
Posted: Friday, May 10, 2013 10:46 PM
Joined: 11/17/2012
Posts: 1203



I can't remember if you had hospice for mom? They have wonderful grief counseling and support groups.


Given her young age and what you and dad went through I hope there is 'extra' local support for you both.


You're right, this disease does a lot to the caregivers and causes indescribable pain during, and I'm sure after care has ended.


I don't think we graduate. I read so many wonderful posts by members whose LO's passed away long ago, and they continue to be part of and a great support to this community. 


I hope you and your father and family will find peace and healing very soon, and I hope you continue to find support and be part of this community.




one daughter
Posted: Saturday, May 11, 2013 11:42 AM
Joined: 1/30/2013
Posts: 1980

I had to start coming to this board too, as I lost my daddy back in March. It hasn't gotten any easier as of yet. I can't even look @ his pictures. I feel your pain. As I'm sure many of us CG's do. Take care of yourself & your dad. And God bless you for being a CG, one of the HARDEST jobs in the world.
dj okay
Posted: Saturday, May 11, 2013 8:48 PM
Joined: 11/29/2011
Posts: 1840

Dear Smoky,


These first days are so difficult, do be gentle with yourself.  Don't expect too much of yourself and make sure you drink lots of water and get plenty of sleep.  Try to ensure your dad is doing the same.


My mother was also sick for about 7 years, that I had to provide care for her.  She had symptoms for a few years before that.  It is indeed a long time, especially as you were providing care in the home.  It tends to be all consuming and therefore the grief is quite profound.


Do seek out a support group or grief counselor if you feel like you aren't making progress.  They can help you through this transitional period.

In the meantime, here's a warm hug from another grieving caregiver(((((((((smoky))))))))))

Posted: Sunday, May 12, 2013 7:38 AM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 3807



It does take a lot out of us caregivers,and when our loved ones pass they leave a huge hole.  I know that sinking feeling of walking into an empty room where my mother or my stepfather once spent their time.  I had to immediately remind myself that they were now in heaven and back to normal, perhaps dancing.  If I didn't do this the pain was too great.


I also felt like I had Post Traumatic Stress after they both passed.  Taking care of a dementia/Alzheimer's patient is like fighting in a war with no hope of a happy ending.  

I tell you this because you and your father need to be real good to yourselves.  A trip that includes the beauty of nature can be very therapeutic.  If you can't, then I suggest walks in a park or an easy hiking trail.  God's creation has a soothing effect on the soul.


God bless you both for being so very good to your Mom. 


I prayed for you both.  Ronnie 


 PS  If you feel up to it, please come back and share what you have learned.

Posted: Sunday, May 12, 2013 8:05 AM
Joined: 3/11/2012
Posts: 433



I'm so sorry for your loss. I know losing your mother is so hard. I lost my Mom in June of last year. She had dementia about 8 years, so about the same as your mother. It's never easy losing a loved one, but take comfort in knowing that she is in a better place, free of her disease, happy and healthy again.


Grief is a long process and no two people greive in the same way. Take it slowly. Give yourself the time to grieve. Come here often. I find the people on this board to be very helpful and comforting. There are people here in the varying stages of the grief process. But they all understand. They have all been where you are right now.


I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs to you and your Dad.


Posted: Monday, May 13, 2013 7:11 PM
Joined: 8/7/2012
Posts: 218

67 is much too young.  I am so very sorry for your loss.  How wonderful that you could keep your mother home with you and take care of her there. 



Posted: Saturday, May 18, 2013 9:54 PM
Joined: 12/20/2011
Posts: 276

Smoky ,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    So Sorry for the loss of your mom, I lost my mom in March of this year. Hardest thing I have ever been thru. Do take time for yourself, try to rest. Be kind to yourself. Sending you much strength and peace. 67 is young my mom was 74.