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Yesterday was one year ago that I lost my daddy
one daughter
Posted: Thursday, March 6, 2014 10:14 AM
Joined: 1/30/2013
Posts: 1980


It was really a hard & long day.  I miss him so much.  And every time I look @ my mama, I think she must be so lonely. Even tho, she doesn't know he's not here anymore.  He took such great care of her.  Altho he was in a wheelchair & had VaD, he was one helluva CG.  I remember when his CG's thru the VA would come to the house 3 times a week for 2 hours a day.  He would tell them i don't need anything, just take care of her (mama).  I so miss going to his house for lunch.  He used to cook on Mon & Wed & I would cook on Tue & Thur's.  Then on Fri's I'd pick up carry out.  & on week ends me & DH always cooked out w/mama over & take daddy a plate.  I miss him calling me every day complaining that the CG was late or his tv wasn't working right, or the phone wasn't working right. But I am glad that he's not here to see my mama the way she is now.  I think his taking care of her really took a toll on him.  I still have the quilt on my bed that I took to the hospital for him cause he was so cold.  I miss talking to him so much.
Twink
Posted: Thursday, March 6, 2014 11:14 AM
Joined: 3/19/2013
Posts: 1118


    one daughter, I'm sending big hugs to you! My dad's been gone for a little over 2 yrs now - Oct 2011. Mom was diagnosed in Apr 2012. DH & I got married in Aug 2012. Mom moved in w/ us in Jan 2013. I have one brother who is absolutely useless as far as help goes. (He doesn't even ask about Mom - We only hear from him when he wants $!)

 

   It seems like you & I have similar situations. No time to grieve the parent that has gone because you're too busy caring for the one still here! (Along w/ trying to keep a marriage together, working, ...it's an awful lot to juggle, isn't it?!)

 

   I wish I had more to offer you than empathy! All I can say is I'm so sorry for all you're dealing with, & I really do understand! More hugs, Twink


dj okay
Posted: Thursday, March 6, 2014 10:14 PM
Joined: 11/29/2011
Posts: 1840


I was reminded once again that you have reached that one-year mark.  It isn't an easy thing to wrap our brains (and hearts) around.  And you really haven't had time to properly grieve your dad's loss, with caring for your mother and all the other stuff on your plate.

 

Just know I'm thinking of you and sending good thoughts.  Also, know that I'm in Florida now myself for the winter.  So I don't have so far to send my best wishes.


one daughter
Posted: Friday, March 7, 2014 12:32 AM
Joined: 1/30/2013
Posts: 1980


dj, you have to be one of the kindest, most thoughtful people on  board. It really means alot to me that you take the time to respond. I hope you're enjoying Florida. I love living here. Enjoy your stay. & again thank you for thinking of me.
Dulcy
Posted: Tuesday, March 11, 2014 12:42 PM
Joined: 2/3/2014
Posts: 40


I am going to hit the one year anniversary on April 30.  It feels like yesterday and yet forever without him.  I hope you got through okay and know that he is still with you in so many ways.  Give an extra hug and kiss to your mom while you still have her. That is what I plan to do. My thoughts are with you.

~Dulcy


sublettmegan
Posted: Monday, March 17, 2014 8:00 AM
Joined: 3/17/2014
Posts: 2


HELLO, I JUST WANTED TO SHARE A BIT OF MY DAD. HE DIED RECENTLY WELL AUGUST THE 13TH OF LAST YR. MY MOM SEEMS TO BE DOING WELL AS LONG AS SHE HAS PICTURES OF DAD BEFORE HE BECAME SO ILL. I WAS A MAJOR CARE GIVER FOR MY DAD AND BEING DISABLED MYSELF WITH A BAD LOWER BK AND HIPS AND DIABETES , IT WAS VERY HARD TO TRY TO TAKE CARE OF MY DAD. I NEVER KNEW WHAT THE NITE WOULD BRING. BUT THE ONE THING THAT HAS REALLY THROWN ME FOR A LOOP IS THE FACT THAT I HAVE YET TO CRY FOR HIM!!!  I READ HIS EULOGY AT HIS SERVICE AND IT WAS ABOUT ALL THE HAPPY TIMES ESPECIALLY WHEN WE WERE KIDS. I MISS MY DAD SO VERY MUCH BUT YET I AM RELIEVED THAT MY DAD IS OUT OF PAIN  AND IN A MUCH BETTER PLACE THAT WE ARE. MY GRANDFATHER ALSO HAD ALZ SO I LIVE IN FEAR THAT MYSELF OR ONE OF MY SISTERS WILL ALSO HAVE ALZ!!! MY WHOLE FAMILY ON MY FATHER'S SIDE HAD DEPRESSION AS ME AND MY SISTERS DO AND MY FATHER DID. ALSO BEING DIABETIC ALSO MAKES MY RISK HIGHER. I THINK THE MAIN REASON I NEVER CRIED EVEN WATCHING HIM TAKE HIS LAST BREATHE, I THINK I FELT I NEEDED TO BE STRONG FOR MY MOM AND MY SISTERS. MY YOUNGEST SISTER CHOSE TO NOT BE THERE FOR DAD'S DEATH. BUT I SO WANTED TO BE WITH HIM.

 

BLESS MY MOM . SHE GOT A PUPPY NOT LONG AFTER DAD DIED. AND HE HAS BEEN KEEPING HER VERY BUSY. TAKES HER MIND OF THE LOSS OF DAD. MY MOM IS BRITISH AND SHE MET MY DAD WHILE HE WAS IN THE AIRFORCE. SHE GAME TO THE STATES AT THE AGE OF 17 AND MARRIED MY DAD. SO THEY WOULD HAVE BEEN MARRIED 60YRS HAD DAD LIVED UNTIL JULY 18TH. DAD WAS MY MOM'S WORLD.I HAVE WRITTEN A LOT HERE BUT I FEEL BETTER GETTING MY THOUGHTS OUT AND I HOPE IF IN ANY WAY I HAVE HELPED YOU PUT YOUR DAD'S DEATH INTO PERSPECTIVE. YOUR DAD IS STILL WITH YOU IN YOUR HEART AND IN YOUR MEMORIES. HUGG YOUR MOM AND TELL HER YOU LOVE HER AND ALWAYS REMEMBER SHE CANT HELP WHAT THE DISEASE IS CAUSING FOR HER. I ALSO KNOW BEING A CAREGIVER IS OFTEN VERY TAXING. TRY TO GET AS MUCH REST AS YOU CAN SO YOU DONT GO DOWN WITH HER. THANK YOU FOR LISTENING TO ME.

 

 

 


Jo C.
Posted: Monday, March 17, 2014 9:30 AM
Joined: 12/9/2011
Posts: 13593


Good morning sublettmegan and a very warm welcome to you.

 

Thank you for your writing and sharing, your words are very helpful.  I am sorry for your losses and the difficult journey you have traveled, and I can also understand your concern for the future. 

 

You have found a wonderful place in finding this Message Board.  You can write on any Forum you wish.  The most active Forum is the, Caregivers Forum where many of the folks are either providing care, or who have provided care in the past.  Some folks who are not Caregivers write there also.  You have been active in providing care, so you may find that Forum a comfortable place to be.

 

You are not alone without anyone to talk to who can really understand; you are now part of this wonderful group of kind people who DO understand as we are all involved or have been involved in one way or another with dementia.

 

We are all here in support of one another, this now includes you too!

 

With warm wishes coming your way,

 

Johanna


VKB
Posted: Thursday, March 27, 2014 9:59 AM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 3782


I am sure your father is smiling down on you.  He knows how wonderful you were to him and how loving you have been with your mother.  He knows the troubles of this world fade away when we meet our Lord Jesus face to face.

 

God bless you and your mom.  Veronica 

 

 PS I miss my parents the way you miss yours, so I understand.  I lost my dad when I was sixteen.  I'm sixty something, and I still miss him.