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Eulogy for a Mom
Blue Lady
Posted: Monday, October 6, 2014 2:32 PM
Joined: 1/3/2012
Posts: 159


I hope no one finds this unsettling ... but being my mom's caretaker and thus her only companion since (maybe 8+ years) even though she has other children and family ... I want to be very prepared and resourceful as I have been all through her sickness and taking care of her.

 

Mom is probably in her late stages of demenita and has other declining illnesses that aren't in her favor.

 

I already have her funeral pre-planned and I have designed her program with only having to fill in the blanks.  Her obit has been written - again only having to fill in the blanks.  So many times people are running around trying to get things done for a funeral that I don't want to have any regrets in not doing a good job for my mom.

 

I'm starting to jot dow thoughts for her Eulogy ... but it's very hard for me.  I'm the oldest of 4 and Mom was very unselfish in giving us all that we wanted but was very hard on me growing up.  I was never close to her as many times she was negative;I have always worn my heart on my sleeve.

 

So here I am ... trying to be proactive and having a hard time.  Does anyone have any eulogies to share with me that might be "neutral" ... I do have a start of a "closing" ...

 

 

"... someday I know I will see her again - she will be healthy, with a perfect mind and body.  She will not again have trouble remembering names/dates or no more confusion.  Awe I know she will greet me with open arms and even then tell me "your skirt is not appropriate for heaven and your lip color is way too bold for heaven" ...  


farawaydaughter
Posted: Monday, October 6, 2014 6:07 PM
Joined: 4/19/2012
Posts: 414


I think your ending is loveable, good job.

 

Maybe ask the other sibs? I wish I had been asked in advanced, not 24 hours before.

 

I could send you my sibs eulogies, but personally they are boring, dull, etc......

 

they mainly, blandly talked about the parents accomplishments, it really wasn't very personal, and when I heard them (never given or asked for my input until the 20th hour arrived and by then I was frazzled).

 

Maybe think about the tone of it, how would you want it?

 

I'd make mine all humor with love. Like your ending. Lord knows the people who know them, knew there were "flaws", pointing those out in humor may give everyone a release. Making them a perfect human is dull, it is the oddities, the quirks, that hold them dear.

 

Hope this makes sense.


Still Waters
Posted: Tuesday, October 7, 2014 9:46 AM
Joined: 2/6/2012
Posts: 1092


Google Eulogy for Mother. You will find a lot of ideas and samples.
Blue Lady
Posted: Tuesday, October 7, 2014 2:43 PM
Joined: 1/3/2012
Posts: 159


Well ... thank you.

  

Yes I have "googled" ideas but nothing really comes up to help.  Wasn't really close to my mom as she was mostly negative about a lot of things ... thus the ending of my idea for the eulogy.  Everyone will get it!

I can't ask siblings for any help as they have been a thorn in my side for the past 8+ years taking care of my mom (that's for the other site of difficult siblings).  I'm just trying to be prepared and organized when the day arrives.  I'm very creative and I want to do a good job and not be stressed.  I know I will be criticized for being so organized by my siblings.

I'm just trying to make it uplifting and funny - oh yes the celebration of life without being mushy as she wasn't ...

I will continue looking ... something will hit me.

 

Blue Lady


chloeanne
Posted: Wednesday, October 8, 2014 7:41 PM
Joined: 6/24/2012
Posts: 98


Blue Lady-  The ending of your eulogy sounds beautiful. 

Its so hard preparing for the devastating loss of our parents to this disease.  I like you started writing a letter/eulogy for my Mother before she passed away that I knew I would always read at her funeral.  Which I did. It was my last and final gift to her and I am forever grateful that I did it.   Even thou I felt organized I still was in a complete fog.  My pastor really helped with the fog and the Eulogy for my Mom.  In the letter I read:  I used the initials of my Mothers full name to describe the person she was to all that loved her, flaws and all.   I have been told by many people since her funeral that the letter was beautiful, very personal, touching and original.  Good luck to you on this journey.  God Bless!


Blue Lady
Posted: Friday, October 10, 2014 10:43 AM
Joined: 1/3/2012
Posts: 159


chloeanne wrote:

Blue Lady-  The ending of your eulogy sounds beautiful. 

Its so hard preparing for the devastating loss of our parents to this disease.  I like you started writing a letter/eulogy for my Mother before she passed away that I knew I would always read at her funeral.  Which I did. It was my last and final gift to her and I am forever grateful that I did it.   Even thou I felt organized I still was in a complete fog.  My pastor really helped with the fog and the Eulogy for my Mom.  In the letter I read:  I used the initials of my Mothers full name to describe the person she was to all that loved her, flaws and all.   I have been told by many people since her funeral that the letter was beautiful, very personal, touching and original.  Good luck to you on this journey.  God Bless!

 
 

Chloeanne:   Well thank you and you know I do love your idea!  Thank goodness my mom's name is short ... I may just go on that as a basis of my eulogy.  

 

It is so hard and painful even to say I'm not close to my mom ... but taking care of her solely these past many years I know she is very grateful and that's enough for me.  We aren't a hugging emotional - say I love you family - so even saying those things out loud doesn't feel comfortable.  That is why I was reaching out to peeps here for suggestions.  I like yours a lot!

 

 
Blessings ... Blue Lady
 

Beccazan
Posted: Friday, October 10, 2014 2:02 PM
Joined: 10/2/2014
Posts: 41


I am doing the same thing for my mom, also in late stage of dementia.  I have arranged to pre-pay her funeral expenses, have picked out a couple of new blouses for her to wear, save some music/playlist of songs she likes, and collected a number of photographs on a thumb drive.  I also wrote her a letter I will read at her funeral (which honestly I hope is sooner rather than later).  Basically, the letter is a Thank You to her for the things she did for us and for understanding when she couldn't live with me anymore.  I also added thank you to her for giving me the strength to read the letter and although I promised her I would be ok if she felt it was time to go, I hoped she will forgive me for that lie.  One day I will be OK, just not today (meaning day of her funeral). 

 

Like you, I don't want to make these decisions during what will be one of the most emotional times of my life.  I want to make sure I honor her memory to the best of my ability because she would do that for me.

 

bottom line is anything you write or say from your heart will be perfect.

 


one daughter
Posted: Sunday, October 12, 2014 10:57 AM
Joined: 1/30/2013
Posts: 1980


My daddy prepaid for his & my mama's funeral. I also wrote a eulogy for my mama. I wrote about some funny things she had done & how it was my honor to take care of the woman who take care of me. You don't have to say that you loved her if it makes you feel uncomfortable. You could just mention that you grew closer to her during the last 8 yrs of CG for her. You said it in your post to Chloeanne. I would make a little humor out of not  being a mushy family. My mama wasn't very mushy til late in her life. But not much growing up. But I always knew I was her baby.
Oceanbum
Posted: Thursday, October 16, 2014 9:21 AM
Joined: 3/11/2012
Posts: 433


Blue Lady,

 

I think what you are writing sounds beautiful. I wish now that I had done something similar for my Mom. I'm not sure I could have read it. I may have had to have someone else read it for me on the day of her funeral but at least the words and sentiments would have been said.

 

I was always extremely close to my Mom, the youngest of four and the only girl. So I was her baby girl. We were always joined at the hip. I have had such a hard time being without her these last 2 years. I miss her dearly.

 

 


KML
Posted: Thursday, October 16, 2014 12:31 PM
Joined: 11/30/2011
Posts: 2105


I think you're doing a good job.  I wrote the eulogies for both my mom and my dad.  I wrote about my impressions and memories of them were.  I wrote what meant something to me and what I know would have meant something to them. 

 

It's a good idea you have of doing this ahead of time, jotting down things as you think about it.  It'll come together and it will be just right for you and for your mom.

 

The thing I wanted to do, was to let everyone know they mattered in this life, they were unique.  I think that's what we all want to be remembered and that we mattered.

 

 


Blue Lady
Posted: Monday, October 27, 2014 10:29 PM
Joined: 1/3/2012
Posts: 159


KML wrote:

I think you're doing a good job.  I wrote the eulogies for both my mom and my dad.  I wrote about my impressions and memories of them were.  I wrote what meant something to me and what I know would have meant something to them. 

 

It's a good idea you have of doing this ahead of time, jotting down things as you think about it.  It'll come together and it will be just right for you and for your mom.

 

The thing I wanted to do, was to let everyone know they mattered in this life, they were unique.  I think that's what we all want to be remembered and that we mattered.

 

 


Thank you ... You are right it will all come together and I have faith it will .... 

On a lighter note I spent 8 mos on trying to write a perfect letter in my mind to my only son to give him on his wedding day .... It came together the day prior after trying so hard for mos to try to get it perfect .... 
I know that God is with us all and trust He will work with me and my trials w all my decisions in wanting the best remembrance I can translate on behalf of my mom.
It has not only been rough for her but for me as well.  With no family support I carried the cross with my mom .... Thank you all for your support.  I have found nothing but love and sisterhood here.  For that I thank all ....