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Lost my mom last week 1/7
alicitarojas
Posted: Monday, January 12, 2015 2:14 PM
Joined: 1/12/2015
Posts: 3


Does the pain get easier? even thought I knew this day was coming. I have anxiety and feel a hole in my chest. It is so hard. Death has brought all these other things to light. After 4 years of worrying, caring, doing it all I have nothing to do. I am at a loss, feel confused, can't do much yet. Any suggestions? thank you
Oceanbum
Posted: Monday, January 12, 2015 2:33 PM
Joined: 3/11/2012
Posts: 433


Hello,

 

I am so sorry for your loss.

 

It does get easier. The pain will never go away. But it does get a little easier each day. Every person is different. Some people benefit from a grief support group, others go to counselors, I relied on my husband and family to get me thru. You will need to decide what's best for you. You may need to explore a couple different options before you find the right one. The most important thing is to take time to grieve. You can't expect for the pain to go away over night. You have suffered a tremendous loss. This will take a long time to heal. Give yourself the time you need to heal. Be gentle with yourself. I found the people here to be quite helpful when I was going thru my grieving process after losing my Mom 2 1/2 years ago. And I came back here again in December when I lost my Dad suddenly to cancer.

 

Hugs to you. I wish you peace as you face the days ahead.


alicitarojas
Posted: Monday, January 12, 2015 2:59 PM
Joined: 1/12/2015
Posts: 3


thanks for taking the time. I feel like I have been grieving for sometime. Watching her die is slow motion. My mother was diagnosed with early onset ALZ in june 2010. The last year was a nightmare. We put her in hospice care back in Oct 2014 and that was a really hard thing to do. The last 3  months have just been surreal. This is a horrendous disease and its somewhat comforting to really know that others know what is like. There are no words to describe my feelings right now. I am a single mom and have anxiety right now. I have things I must do. I do have some good support from close friends but I see my self and feel so alone. In the end it just seems like no one can help me. I pray that time will help me. Thanks again for taking the time.
Linda Jo
Posted: Tuesday, January 13, 2015 8:17 PM
Joined: 3/26/2014
Posts: 167


Hi, Alicita.

      First, let me tell you how sorry I am about your loss of your mom so recently. It is especially sad since you said she was early onset. How cruel this disease can be! 

 

     I lost my mom in October after a difficult six months caring for her here at home with the help of hospice. They really made a difference for her and for me.  My husband passed from lung disease two years ago this month.  


 

Like you, I am feeling very lonely.  At the same time I have more responsibilities because both my helpmates are gone.  All the busy-ness of death and its sorting out, paperwork and family and friend bonding and grieving times hit me right on top of the fatigue of care taking and then the shock of death. One feels numb, both emotionally and physically for at least a few weeks.

     You must be overwhelmed just now, especially as a single mom.  I hope I assure you that as the days and weeks pass you will gradually regain your strength and your clarity of mind. Your heart will begin to mend.  Your happy memories of your mom will return and you will smile again.  I am just reaching that stage now.  I thought I was losing my memory, my concentration and my strength. I remember first being so tired, then having pain all over that made me not want to even move. Are you experiencing some of those things, too?

     Reading the previous posts here helped me a lot when I felt lost and alone last night. Knowing all this is normal is important in getting through it.  I hope you find this board helps you a lot.  I will look for your posts as you feel better. 


msashley64
Posted: Saturday, January 17, 2015 8:24 PM
Joined: 3/14/2013
Posts: 348


Hi - I am so sorry for your loss!

I lost my mom in early November - four hard months on hospice, two years in a facility, 8 years from me first noticing something was wrong. Please don't expect to feel better quickly - I though I had cried all my tears during her illness, but boy, there were a lot more! I was thinking of her and my childhood again in the middle of the night last night, and sort of chided myself for it, but then I thought, it's only been two months, cut yourself some slack!

I Think grief is like the ocean, you get used to the rhythm and think okay, I got this, and then boom a big wave (or several) can hit you. Feeling better is gradual but I am having more happy hours and days now and I'm sure in time you will too.

esmith
Posted: Monday, January 19, 2015 10:16 PM
Joined: 1/13/2015
Posts: 1


Just wanted to tell you that I am sorry for your loss, I lost my Dad suddenly a couple years ago, and a former boyfriend to suicide. ( I am on this site because my Mother is showing signs of dementia, possible alzheimers,) I am feeling the loss of the relationship I once had with my Mother, and learning to enjoy moments of joy,ect. while I still have her in my life. Be gentle with yourself, be patient, take as long as you need, we are all different. I sought outside help for dealing with the grief of suicide was extremely difficult, then losing my dad was horrible, but I knew Dad wouldn't want me to waste my life away, so I started living life passionately, loving more, appreciating how precious life is, I guess that's the silver-lining to grief, one last gift from our loved ones passing. Let them live in your heart and pass it on to your loved ones.........hope this helps, I know what it feels like to be in so deep in pain, I couldn't wait for my life to be over, you don't have to go through all of it alone, reach out, God bless you.



Oceanbum
Posted: Tuesday, January 20, 2015 9:28 AM
Joined: 3/11/2012
Posts: 433


Wow, esmith. So much to deal with. I am so sorry for your losses. Your words are right on the mark. They reminded me of what my husband said to me when I lost my Mom. I was just SO devastated when she passed away. I spent days on end just crying and grieving so hard for her. One day my husband took me by the shoulders, looked me square in the eyes and said "Is this what your Mom would want for you? Isn't the one thing she always wanted was for her kids to be happy?" It was then that I realized the best way to honor her was to pull myself together the best way I knew how. To go on with my life, be happy not only for me but for my family and for her. It helped me in ways that I can't even begin to explain. I still have my down days and I still miss her more than words can say. But knowing that I am honoring her in a way that she would want makes it a little easier to bear.


Mary's firstborn
Posted: Tuesday, January 20, 2015 2:25 PM
Joined: 9/23/2013
Posts: 3


I am sending a hug your way and praying that the wounded and broken areas of your heart would recover.I lost my Mom in 2012 and for me the holidays are still difficult. my Mother was always present I had the privileged to serve as her Caregiver for the last 12 years of her life. There are times when you will have to give yourself permission to grieve. I had to learn that I could not go at the pace others wanted me to go There were times that others had to wait for me to catch up because I was not at the point of letting go and moving on to Hospice when the medical staff was.You are so right when you spoke about the preparation, and seeing the signs in front of you, how we are still not able to let go.Go at your own pace., what ever works for you do that, whatever helps to heal you do that, continue to share continue to tell your story, that is how we move towards healing.