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Three years today
Oceanbum
Posted: Monday, June 22, 2015 10:06 AM
Joined: 3/11/2012
Posts: 433


Three years ago today I lost my best friend, my inspiration, my hero, my Mom, Joanne. She was my role model. I always wanted to be just like her in every way. She was the most selfless person I have ever known. She always put everybody else's needs before her own. She was my biggest fan & my biggest cheerleader. She was always there for me, no matter what the need. If ever I needed anything, she was the first person I would call. If ever I had good news, she was the first person I would call. If ever I needed a shoulder to cry on, she was the first person I would call. If ever I needed advice, she was the first person I would call. I love her dearly and I miss her terribly. She was joined in December by my Dad, the love of her life. I know they are together again, looking down on all of us, proud of their family, as they always were.

RIP Mom. Enjoy your paradise. You certainly earned it! I love you and I miss you! Now and forever


pmad37
Posted: Tuesday, June 23, 2015 1:38 PM
Joined: 10/3/2012
Posts: 68


I am so sorry! But yes, they are happy in Heaven together!!
KML
Posted: Wednesday, June 24, 2015 2:22 PM
Joined: 11/30/2011
Posts: 2105


Dear Oceanbum:

The space left by them is impossible to fill. It's still hard, it always will be. We get busy with other things and we can concentrate on the rest of our life, but this will always come back and remind us of our loss. It's a temporary loss, I just like to think that someday we'll all be together again and I remind myself, that they are now not suffering and that's what I want most. What matters is that they lived and they were here and were able to share themselves with us and they left a strong legacy of love. I always have to remind myself of that to ease the feelings of loss a bit.

Last month my dad has been gone three years, too. Seems more recent though.

Take care and your mother and father obviously raised a wonderful daughter in you, some of that is because of them and some of that is because of you.


Oceanbum
Posted: Thursday, June 25, 2015 9:12 AM
Joined: 3/11/2012
Posts: 433


Thanks pmad37 & KML,

KML, Thank you for your kind words.

There were many of us that had losses right around the same time. I remember that you were one of those. You were one of the many that was there for me and helped me through a very difficult time.

You are so right. What matters most is that they lived, we got to share our lives with them and they are together now and no longer suffering. And yes, they did share a strong legacy of love. Me and my brothers grew up in a house where we knew we were loved and my parents loved each other. I wouldn't trade my childhood or my relationship with my parents for anything in this world!


Doreen
Posted: Saturday, June 27, 2015 11:02 PM
Joined: 12/6/2011
Posts: 53


My heart goes out to both of you.
It has been three years since I lost my husband, I will never be the same person.
My life ended when his did, he was my life. I cared for him through his journey and miss him so much. But I am glad he is at peace.
Three years and I am still lost.

KML
Posted: Monday, June 29, 2015 1:12 PM
Joined: 11/30/2011
Posts: 2105


Doreen:
I am very sorry for the loss of your husband. It is such a different loss than losing parents. Neither is easy, but losing a spouse is a very hard loss.
I hope you have people around you who are supporting you. Talking with a grief counselor can be very helpful. Sometimes are family and friends, although sympathetic, sometimes a person who is a professional in the area of grief can be tremendously helpful in guiding us.
After my father passed away, I read a book called On Grief and Grieving by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. It was very helpful, she talked all kinds of loss, parents, children, spouses, friends. What she wrote made me feel normal in my feelings. I would suggest the book to anyone who is grieving.
Take care and I hope you find peace and that your sadness will soften, we never forget, but we hope to get to a place, where we feel at peace and we let the sadness balance and co-exist along with the happiness that comes back into our hearts again.

farawaydaughter
Posted: Tuesday, July 7, 2015 12:53 PM
Joined: 4/19/2012
Posts: 414


Hi Oceanbum. I am sorry I am so late in responding as I don't come to here much any more. I hope you were able to have some good memories, and a peaceful time with the 3 yr. Anniversary. I too am coming up on the 3 yr. time on July 10 mom, and July 14 dad. I am glad we all had each other to share and understand with. That first year was rough on all of us but we had each other. I am grateful for that. Hard to believe 3 years have past.......I will try not to think of the bad things that happened but remember the special times I had with each of them. Gentle Hugs to you.

Oceanbum
Posted: Wednesday, July 8, 2015 7:43 AM
Joined: 3/11/2012
Posts: 433


Hi faraway,

I went to the cemetery and talked with both of my parents on that day. The day before was Father's Day so I went to visit for Mom's anniversary and to visit Dad for Father's Day. It was a hard weekend for sure. My first Father's Day without Dad and the 3 year anniversary of losing Mom. But I always find such peace when I go there. So it's what I needed to get me thru those difficult couple of days.

It is hard to believe it's been 3 years. I agree - I'm so thankful for the friends here who helped me thru. There were so many of us who went thru this together and I am so grateful I joined this site when I did. I needed the comforting words of those who were going thru the same things as me. Thank you for being one of those friends.

I will be thinking of you over the days ahead. Hugs to you.


farawaydaughter
Posted: Friday, July 10, 2015 1:57 PM
Joined: 4/19/2012
Posts: 414


Hi Oceanbum,

Well here it is July 10. I just realized how hard these days are, especially when it is all lumped together, like what you just went through. All of a sudden all the memories of these next 4 days reared their ugly head. Terrible time. Today would be the last day I saw my dog healthy......how cruelly I was treated by my siblings because they unjustly hated me. I haven't spoken to my brother since then. And now that the estate is over I have no communication with my sister either. The memory of my dad at the funeral home laying on a stretcher next to moms casket and then him dying 7 hours later.....having to tell people at moms funeral that dad had died that morning, to go home after moms funeral and start preparing for dads funeral...........terrible times. These are memories I don't think of the rest of year now that time has passed but they sure popped up today. Hopefully, somehow I hope the next 4 days (dad July 14) won't be filled with all those memories, I am going to try and "not remember". I can still think of mom with love and fondness, just not those days of *ell. Wish me luck!

Oceanbum
Posted: Tuesday, July 14, 2015 12:03 PM
Joined: 3/11/2012
Posts: 433


Hi faraway,

I hope these last few days haven't been as bad as you expected. I hope that the good memories crowded out the bad. I know how you feel. It's funny how the rest of the year you are able to think of the good times but "those" days you think of where you were at "that" moment. I know I always think of the last 3 days in the nursing home with Mom. When I got the call that she was found unresponsive. Everything just seemed to move in slow motion from that moment on yet I can still replay it over and over in my head with such vivid detail. I fear the same will happen in December when I relive "those" days from my Dad's illness and passing.

I hope that you are able to think of the good memories and that you and your siblings will someday find some sort of peace and understanding.

Hugs to you.


farawaydaughter
Posted: Saturday, July 18, 2015 12:48 PM
Joined: 4/19/2012
Posts: 414


Hi Oceanbum,

Thanks for caring and responding. Dads anniversary was tough, because behind the thought of the day he died, it was also "oh ya it was moms funeral as well". I just had to push the thought away, and not really think about either of them, as all the bad memories are still to vivid.

But I am now "out the other side now" and I know I can honor them any day of the week, not just on those days.

You are correct it just takes one back there. Wonder when that will end? Hugs, J

bela
Posted: Tuesday, July 21, 2015 11:39 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 4122


A little over a month without mom--thse first weeks consisted f shock and numbness and now those are less and the void is at times unbearabe. Yesterday was awful and tearful and I wrote un sent letters to my estranged sisters,...I was worn. Today someone gave me a friend-type hug and I realize how much I miss mom's touch; her soft hands and gentle hold- I don't want to think or look at photos or ..because i don't want to hurt so badly again tonight so I am watching stupid sitoms on television.

I am antsy and feel like I need to go do something for mom but I quickly realize she is no longer here...


Ouch

bela
Posted: Tuesday, July 21, 2015 11:44 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 4122


Oceanbum

Geesh I cannot believe its been 3 year....I remember you I believe on the caregiver board. Here we are in the same boat...and its awful. Please tell me it gets easier. Mythoughts are with you.