Integrating back into life takes steps. Caregiving is intense and for a long time, it became all encompassing. When it's over, it feels like hitting a brick wall at full speed. It takes time and steps to peel yourself off of that wall.

I always think about what my parents would say. I know my mom would not want me to be hurting so bad. I know that my dad would say that life is short, good health is the most important thing, that's what my dad would say to me when he was living. I think our loved ones would feel bad for us if they knew how much we were hurting. After this experience, we realize how precious life is, how short it can be, and how it continues on.

Getting back can feel overwhelming and I think we all need a little help with that.

I found it helpful to get grief counseling, or joining a support group to be around someone and others who understand and who have experienced what you have. I read books on grief and that helped to make me feel normal.

Try and think of the things you used to do that you enjoyed. You deserve to do those things. Little by little, day by day can things can get better. Will you ever forget, no, you will not, you can't forget someone who was so much a part of your life and so important to you. But you can pick up and take care of yourself, and keep them in your heart all at the same time.

This disease takes away so much, don't let it take any more from you than it already has. You are here, you are living and you deserve as much good as you can find. Small steps. Make a list of things you want to do, feel you should do and chip away at it, little by little. It helps the day go by, it helps you to feel you're doing something for yourself.

Grief takes a long time, it doesn't ever go away, but it does soften, it creeps back up and then rolls back again. But it is possible to feel lighter again and to enjoy. I really think our loved ones would want this for us.

p.s. Computers are changing all the time, but what's good is that a lot of community recreation centers and some senior centers offer classes. That might be a good thing to do as a refresher, it can get you out of the house and out with others. It can help to do that, to get moving, to have something to look forward to. If you like to read, go to a bookstore or library and grab a book, that helped me, too. To get lost into someone else's story. Treat yourself to something special. Take a walk out in nature. We sometimes forget what we enjoyed doing before. Reconnect with those things, small steps at a time can make a big difference. Take care.

300sun and Bela:

Good for both of you. It takes time, but you are taking steps and moving forward.

Debra:

I feel for you, the loss of a spouse/partner is so different than losing a parent, both are very difficult, but the connections are so different. We have expectations of outliving our parents. Our spouses, we expect to have an equal life duration with. So it very hard and I can empathize with you.

But you are moving forward and making efforts to do that and you will find joy again, and you will hold what you had with your husband in your heart always. All these facets of life have a way of working and smoothing out eventually. Take care

300Sun, you said that you had graduated from your Alzheimer's support group. I know that feeling - and at the same time it's like we need that group more than ever because they are the ones that understand us the most. They have become our circle of friends - almost exclusively. But just so you know - you haven't graduated from us here on the board!! We all know what you're going through. We've all been there, are still there, or are just getting there TOGETHER! I find myself browsing the boards silently at some of my lowest times and finding strength just knowing that there are others expressing my own feelings. Sometimes I write a long vent of feelings and emotions and then close the topic without posting it. Somehow just getting it down in writing helps - even when not posted for others to read. And I don't like putting it in a journal for someone else to find and read after I'm gone. These are my feelings - private - understood only by those of you in this same club membership. The past two weeks have been very hard for me for various reasons, so here I am. Putting my voice back into the boards. Giving therapy to myself by hopefully supporting others. Oh...and I spent quite a bit of voice screaming to the winds in my car yesterday afternoon. That helped everything to feel better but my throat. Hang in there - one step at the time. One moment at the time. To not make it through this valley would be to allow ALZ to take more than just my husband and I REFUSE to let him have another person if there's anything I can do about it! Grief is a burden that doesn't go away, but we eventually get stronger and better able to carry it.

((Hugs))

Rhosarjo