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Things you wish you had done or wish you had NOT done
Nanateach
Posted: Tuesday, January 12, 2016 10:59 PM
Joined: 12/2/2014
Posts: 121


I believe my LO is in stage 6, so obviously I have not lost him yet.  I did read somewhere that someone who had lost their LO wished they had made more videos, pictures, recorded their voice.  I am trying to do quite a bit of that.  I am just wondering if there are other regrets or things you did before your LO was gone that you wish you had not done.   I know this sounds sort of silly, but I do want to cherish every moment I have left, no matter how many moments that will be.
socwkr
Posted: Wednesday, January 13, 2016 9:49 AM
Joined: 10/6/2012
Posts: 924


Hi, there.  Here is the thing that I am really happy about:  fingerprint necklace.  There are so many businesses on the internet that do this.  I found a jeweler on the internet who sent me small discs of clay.  I took my husband's pointer finger and made the imprint.  The jeweler covered the clay in silver and attached it to a necklace.  I made one for my daughter with a little crystal that's for her birthday.  The inscription says Daddy.  My necklace has a crystal for our wedding anniversary and has his initials DMS.  There isn't much room on the silver disc.  I took my daughter out to a fancy tea place near the Metropolitan Museum and presented her with the necklace.  We cried, we hugged, we laughed.  I always say that my husband is with me and so it's nice to have his actual fingerprint on a necklace.

There are some places that ask you to place ink on the finger and then place the print on a piece of adhesive tape or paper.  You can also get key chains as well.  You might want to visit the internet site Etsy; I think that's where I found my jeweler.

Good luck!  Debra.


His Daughter
Posted: Wednesday, January 13, 2016 6:59 PM
Joined: 6/25/2014
Posts: 2270


I feel very lucky that I did many photos and videos.  I had done an audio tape interviewing my father about his life in the 80s, when he was healthy and strong.  

One of the things I did while he was sick was a DNA test.  How wonderful it is to have those results before he died and that DNA information was gone.  There are four companies in the US that run DNA tests.  Some do saliva tests and there is one who will do it with just a cheek swab.  Since my dad wouldn't have been able to spit in the vial, I did the swab test kit. So now I have a printout of his family origin to pass down to future generations.   Something to think about.  

The second thing that I am very glad I did, was preplan his funeral.  I spent two years going over all the details.  It was the last party I could throw on his behalf, and I wanted it to be a celebration of his life.  Spending that time, making sure ever detail was just right, is comforting to me right now.  I was told many times, by many different people, that it was the nicest service they had ever seen.  I wanted to send him out in style.  


jfkoc
Posted: Wednesday, January 13, 2016 8:10 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 19389


I wish I had gotten the large bed like his daughter got for her father. I wish I had spent more time discussing his military years (before me). I found myself spending hours going through things after he died that I wish he had commented on.

There was no funeral. He was cremated, brought home and is in his flight bag. When I am able he will go to Arlington. For now I just want him home.

 


Lesley Jean
Posted: Tuesday, January 19, 2016 4:12 PM
Joined: 2/13/2013
Posts: 2965


I wish I had recorded his voice. It drives me crazy that I can't remember his voice. 

I had the funeral do his finger prints.  I have not gotten around to sending it off to make the pendant. I plan on getting the heart shape pendant and having my parents wedding rings entwined on the pendant.

I regret that I did not spend more time with him, when he was in the hospital and the NH.  I did try to go everyday and I was there most every day.  I wanted to bring him home and I think if I did bring him home, he may still be alive. He contracted pneumonia and the NH nor Hospice treated him. I am so bothered by this. It hurts me so much.

I am glad I did go through his clothes and belongings before he passed. I still have some more to do. It is harder now to part with things, now that he is gone. 

You are very wise to plan ahead and not let things go undone and regret them later. 

Hugs,

LJ


Kathydaughter
Posted: Sunday, March 13, 2016 8:42 PM
Joined: 3/13/2016
Posts: 1


I wish I'd spent more time, just being in his space.  We just lost our dad January 27, 2016.  He was in a nursing home on a pureed diet, honey thick liquids, unable to feed himself.  I stopped by everyday.  His last day I visited on my lunch and had planned to go back at dinner.  I never imagined that was my last conversation with him.  Could've, should've, would've.  I would give anything, my heart is broken I miss him so much.
a_step@a_time
Posted: Monday, March 14, 2016 3:50 AM
Joined: 11/21/2015
Posts: 237


KKathydaughter, don't regret that.   Sometimes our loved ones don't pass on when we are around them..  They want to be strong for us even as they are dying.  Especially parents.

Socwkr, good idea!


Oceanbum
Posted: Monday, March 14, 2016 5:38 AM
Joined: 3/11/2012
Posts: 433


One thing I did that I read on here that someone did was to take a picture of my hand holding my parents' hand. So I took a picture of just my hand holding my Mom's hand when she was in the nursing home. And then when Dad was in the hospital I did the same with him. I do love those pictures. They have a very special meaning to me, as they were both taken in their last days.

 

 


chloeanne
Posted: Tuesday, March 15, 2016 4:44 PM
Joined: 6/24/2012
Posts: 98


I read a letter that I wrote about my Mom at her funeral, it was one of the last gifts I gave to her and I was honored to do so.  I worked on it before she passed away, so I was prepared.  I was told by many people it was beautiful.  

I also got a fingerprint necklace and I love it. 

I wish I would of been more patient.  But time has healed that wound. 

 


another
Posted: Monday, May 23, 2016 9:59 PM
Joined: 8/27/2013
Posts: 1


My Mother went home to God in July last year.  I wish I had talked to her more when we sat together moreover wish I had listened.  At the end I would gotten a better rocking chair recliner for her.  3days before she passed she sat up in her bed and wanted to get up and walk.  The nurse looked at me and I at her and helped her try to stand.  The look on her face when she realized she couldn't stand let alone walk was heartbreaking.  I would have given everything i have to be able to understand what she wanted to say to me those last days. I wish I did not have to work so much the last few days just because i was scared I would lose my job.  I wish I had listened really listened when the hospice told me she may have a week.  I thought you don't know my Mom.  Shes tough.  Months from now you'll see you were wrong.  When the nurse looked at me and said maybe a few hours.  I wish I had listened.  I wish I hadn't been in such denial.  She had overcome so many things/ cancer/tumor/surgeries.. that nurse didn't know my Mom.  She was strong.  The reality is I sat next to her fell asleep for just minutes and when I startled myself and woke up she was gone.   I was alone with her and she was gone.
Lorita
Posted: Friday, May 27, 2016 9:11 AM
Joined: 12/18/2011
Posts: 12629


 Hi Lesley Jean,

Please do go ahead and have the fingerprint pendant made.  I took a print of Charles' ring finger before he went back into the hospital.  He passed away a few days later.

I had mine made by Etsy.  Her name is Cheryl and she lives in Colorado.  There are lots of options and she is very easy to work with.  It didn't take too long.  Mine is a lopsided heart with his fingerprint and initials on front.  I wear it all the time and When I am really missing him I put my finger into the print and I feel close to him.  With the necklace part of him is always with me.


DDean
Posted: Sunday, June 5, 2016 2:11 AM
Joined: 6/5/2016
Posts: 2


There are too many things that "I wish" to list them all, but I wish that I had reconnected with my mother sooner. We hadn't spoken in a few years and the time since we'd seen one another was even longer. I found out that she was in the nursing home one week before she died. She passed away on 5/31/16 from complications of Alzheimer's disease. She was no longer able to swallow, so no eating or drinking. I am thankful that I got to say goodbye, but there were so many other things that should have been said.