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very difficult day
Posted: Wednesday, April 6, 2016 5:42 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 20034

Exactly 6 months ago my husbands caregiver said to call Hospice...there had been an abrupt change. Nine hours later he was gone. 

I did Thanksgiving, Christmas and my birthday. Today I am again broken...I cannot let go of the memory.

Posted: Wednesday, April 6, 2016 6:56 PM
Joined: 3/11/2014
Posts: 318

Thinking of you.  Hugs.
Posted: Wednesday, April 6, 2016 7:03 PM
Joined: 1/3/2015
Posts: 174

Dear Judith,

 Thinking of you! For me, stage 8 began the day before Thanksgiving and so we had Thanksgiving, Christmas, and my LO's birthday. Just sort of muddled through those milestones and things aren't getting much better. So surprised at times when a circumstance will slip up on me, unawares, and throw me into the doldrums. This too, shall pass, it is said, but I don't feel like it ever will, after 49 and a half years of our love and companionship.

 Take care,


Veterans kid
Posted: Wednesday, April 6, 2016 7:51 PM
Joined: 10/17/2014
Posts: 1239

Judith,  I'm sorry it's a bad day . It seems like we "relive" those days, weeks etc.  and it's hard. That's all there is too it.  

Thinking of you and hoping you did something wonderful for yourself today.  I didn't take my own advice- I stayed in pj's and pretty much stayed in bed all day.  I should listen to myself, huh


Posted: Thursday, April 7, 2016 10:32 AM
Joined: 3/11/2012
Posts: 433

Milestone days are always the most difficult. Yesterday was my birthday. I missed my parents SO much all day. I remember one year when they called me and they both sang "Happy Birthday" to me over the phone. I can still hear that so plainly in my head. I wish SO much I could have heard it yesterday.
Posted: Thursday, April 7, 2016 11:59 AM
Joined: 11/30/2011
Posts: 2105

Happy Birthday, Oceanbum.  My parents used to call me, too, and sing Happy Birthday together.  I also miss that so much. It hurts to the bone sometimes.  I guess, at least, we're left with the memories of those times, it's just that wish we can have some more.  I hope you do something nice for yourself all month long!

Posted: Thursday, April 7, 2016 12:18 PM
Joined: 11/30/2011
Posts: 2105

jfkoc and everyone:

I know it's so hard to be without the people we love.  Sometimes it seems there is no comfort and we have to search really hard for it.  I keep trying to say to myself, I had my loved ones for awhile, for a long while, my parents.  I had to say goodbye because they couldn't stay with me.  Their life had become so difficult, so painful, and they had to leave me.  I really like to believe that I will see them again.  I know they have left their mark on my heart and soul.  I hear them in my memories, I feel them and I try really hard to draw comfort from that.  It helps, but truthfully, sometimes it just doesn't feel like enough, I want more.  There are days when it feels better and there are days when it hurts more.  We work through the hard days and we welcome the good days.  Be very good to yourselves and do something very nice for yourselves, it will help to soften the hard days.


His Daughter
Posted: Thursday, April 7, 2016 10:03 PM
Joined: 6/25/2014
Posts: 2270

I'm so sorry Judith.  I really am.  I wish I could take away some of your hurt.  


Posted: Friday, April 8, 2016 11:21 AM
Joined: 2/15/2014
Posts: 168

the 6th was my bad day, our anniversary, I arrived home from work, and there were flowers on my door step and broke down.  (they came from someone else just to say thank you for something)  I thought in 3 1/2 months, we had Christmas, New Years and birthday (the first 2 weeks after he passed)  then Valentines day, Easter and now our anniversary and he was not here to celebrate.  I hope the next months will be easier for you.
Sea Field
Posted: Saturday, April 9, 2016 5:24 PM
Joined: 8/5/2012
Posts: 1872

Judith,  hoping the rough day has let up a little. 

Thinking of you and sending soft hugs,   Cynthia

Posted: Sunday, April 10, 2016 1:01 AM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 4121

At your side...((hugs))
Posted: Sunday, April 10, 2016 1:44 PM
Joined: 6/20/2013
Posts: 311

{{{Big hugs}}} to you.  Grief comes up as the most unexpected times, you can't plan for it.  You can work around it on the holidays and expect that there will be sadness, but usually it hits out of the blue.

This past Friday was my birthday and the 2nd anniversary of my Dad's passing (family tradition--people pass on or very close to birthdays).  I did fine all day until my husband asked me if I wanted to eat at a restaurant that we took my Dad to often (because we had friend living in that area and planned to meet them for dinner) and I broke down in tears.  Later that day, when I thought I had composed myself, my nephew posted a picture of himself and my Dad at my niece's wedding, and I lost it again.