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when do we move on
blfbrat
Posted: Wednesday, July 6, 2016 11:58 AM
Joined: 2/15/2014
Posts: 168


My DH has been gone almost 7 months and a gentleman, who also is a widower, and a caregiver for 7 years (cancer) has approached me and said we need to move forward and not live in the past.  when and where do we do that?
Ukie
Posted: Wednesday, July 6, 2016 4:45 PM
Joined: 12/16/2013
Posts: 352


My DW has been gone almost 8 months. I'm still trying to find my purpose now. I don't have an answer for you. Maybe we are the only ones that can answer that question or maybe if we need to ask that question we may not be ready. Sorry I can't be of more help. Best of luck!
acb10
Posted: Wednesday, July 6, 2016 5:27 PM
Joined: 5/31/2014
Posts: 124


Only you can determine WHEN IT IS BEST FOR YOU to "move on, look forward".  People can't tell us, they don't know what we are feeling.  Everyone is different.

april


KML
Posted: Thursday, July 7, 2016 3:20 PM
Joined: 11/30/2011
Posts: 2105


Each person's journey is a personal and unique one.  I have a hard time with people saying things like it's time to move on.  Who are they to speak for someone else? 

While I understand people may be concerned and don't feel comfortable with seeing someone unhappy and sad, grief is a process.  You had this person in your life for quite a while, and it will take time getting used to living everyday without this person in your life.  No one has the right to tell you when that time is.

While I would appreciate someone's concern, I would let them know exactly that grief is a process, it's not something you can rush through and it is different for everyone.

In my opinion, every day that you get up and out of bed is moving on, it's a step at a time and it is hard and it's work that will eventually get easier little by little. 

Well meaning people can add more stress to a person going through grief.  Don't let anyone tell you how to do this.  If you feel like you need to speak with someone, an objective person, like a grief counselor who can help guide you through the process without judgment is a good idea.  Blessings to you as you move forward at your own pace.

 


farawaydaughter
Posted: Sunday, July 10, 2016 11:46 AM
Joined: 4/19/2012
Posts: 414


I agree with KML 110%!! This "widower" is someone I would stay away from. Never let anyone rush you, or make you feel like there is something wrong with because you "haven't moved on". That is a falsehood!!

 

Today is 4 years since my Mom passed. And in some fashion I have grieved those 4 years.

Trust your own path of grieving. Not what others say.


jfkoc
Posted: Thursday, July 14, 2016 9:25 AM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 19642


I had a move on day Tuesday...I lead a tour. I was only signed on to watch but there were not enough docents so I took ten. No review,  no notes. I loved it and they loved me. I could not rememberback far enough to when I last was so happy.
blfbrat
Posted: Monday, July 18, 2016 10:50 AM
Joined: 2/15/2014
Posts: 168


jfkoc, good for you.  

I am the same age my mother was when she passed,  I want, need and desire to have a life again, to smile easily.  I want to be respectful of my dh and his family, that he was my life for a long time, but I know I gave him the care he needed.  


blfbrat
Posted: Monday, July 18, 2016 11:28 AM
Joined: 2/15/2014
Posts: 168


Someone told me this week, and it really hit me.

You have more days behind you than you have in front of you.


BeDo
Posted: Monday, July 18, 2016 11:47 AM
Joined: 1/9/2015
Posts: 22


I lost my husband of 51 yrs just 4 months ago. My friend calls and when I say I'm ok she says just say what you really feel It sucks today stinks! That makes me laugh out loud and you feel better for a while. Don't let others drag you down farther than you are. My husband laughed also it makes me feel good to think he is laughing along with me. Try to laugh it feels good and we really need to feel good even for a few minutes