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6 months
Veterans kid
Posted: Sunday, August 28, 2016 9:27 AM
Joined: 10/17/2014
Posts: 1239

Six months ago, I wrote in this board as someone who had lost their LO.

6 months.  

While so we things are getting easier, some are not.

That's life, right? :/

The intense waves of grief don't come as often, but it goes without saying I miss my dad so very much every day.  And my mom. 

I don't like being an orphan.

I don't like struggling in ways just to stay afloat.  

Now, there ARE some things that are positive-

I started going to w grief support group back in April.  The lady who runs it through the hospice we used is also the coodinator for the volunteers for hospice.  

I had went through the training, background check etc. and I've been volunteering for a while now. So far I've had 3 patients.

2 of which I visit and one of those I stay while the daughter ( caregiver) goes to dr, store-things like I needed. 

I feel better at the end of those days, like I have some reason and purpose again. 

I've watched my Cardinals a whole game without crying.

I can mow and think who dad would tell me " the yard looks so nice, Julie.  You did a good job!" Without crying.  More times than not.

But today,-right now- the tears are flowing freely and I am missing my mom and dad very much . 

I wish comfort, and poptarts for us all- 

Always be VK 


Posted: Sunday, August 28, 2016 7:51 PM
Joined: 6/20/2016
Posts: 2815

I'm sorry, I know it's so hard.  I'm not in a holiday/anniversary time but even 4 years later I'm having a weepy time of it over the past week or so.  

We never stop missing our parents, I think.  It only gets bearable eventually but never stops hurting.

I comfort myself with knowing I'll see my mom one day and you'll see your parents again too.
Veterans kid
Posted: Sunday, August 28, 2016 9:55 PM
Joined: 10/17/2014
Posts: 1239


Thank you...for understanding  

Posted: Sunday, August 28, 2016 9:59 PM
Joined: 5/2/2014
Posts: 761

Hi Julie,

It has been 10 months since I lost my mom and almost 10 years since I lost my dad. I miss them both so much and I too hate feeling like an orphan. I have good days and bad days. 

I had to go out of state a few weeks ago to bring back moms belongings from her boyfriends house that we had left when I brought her to live with me and that was a really hard and emotional trip. I donated some of her things while I was there and packed the rest up to bring home. At some point I will need to go through everything and decide what to keep and what to get rid of as I stored a lot of her stuff here when she moved. It is just so hard.

I am so glad you are volunteering. I think that is something I would like to do as well. I just need to find the time. I have been working so many hours at work and I really need to cut back and take some time for me now.

Funny you mention mowing the lawn and your thoughts of what your dad would say. I have been out pruning my poor rose bushes and I know my mom is saying "it's about time you got out here and worked in this garden" oh how she loved roses and she always had such a beautiful garden, sure wish my roses were as pretty as hers always were.

I wish you peace and comfort and every time I have a poptart, I think of you and your sweet dad.

Hugs my friend,

Because she's my mom!
Posted: Monday, August 29, 2016 12:43 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 737

First of all, a big hug to you! 

As others have said, I know I'll never stop missing my parents. Mom passed a little over a year ago after 12 plus years of AD. I miss her so much, especially when I'm in my garden. She was a passionate gardener with an amazing green thumb, which I did not inherit, unfortunately. And I miss my dad, too. He passed away 27 years ago, at the age of 65, after suffering a miserable 8 months from cancer.

I'm crying just thinking about them.  I realize how lucky I am to have two amazing parents, who were supportive, loving, strict when I was growing up, and always ready to help. 

Posted: Tuesday, August 30, 2016 2:15 PM
Joined: 4/1/2016
Posts: 66

I'm just a little bit behind you, 4 mos. since Dad died and 1 year and 4 mos. since Mom died.  I agree that the orphan thing is really, really hard.  The other night I had a dream that I was an orphan and no one would give me any food.  My husband had to wake me up because I was sobbing.  As the estate stuff is starting to wind down, I feel like the grief is starting to ramp up a bit again.

I admire your strength to be able to volunteer already.  You're a strong woman!  I think I would like to do that some day, but right now I couldn't. You rock!

You've made it through another one of those "milestone" dates.  Hang in there!

With lots of hugs and poptarts!


Posted: Tuesday, August 30, 2016 3:59 PM
Joined: 11/30/2011
Posts: 2105

It is very good of you to volunteer.  That can be a difficult thing to do so soon after a loss.  But what a gift you are giving to these people.  You understand their difficulties, and you are scooping them up in your arms.  You are very kind.

My mom has been gone 16 years ago.  My dad 4 years.  I still feel immense sadness.  Not every day, but every week, randomly there are thoughts about them.  I miss them.  They were my family, now they're gone.  I have my own family, but it's not quite the same.  My parents were my history.  I've lost my sibling pretty much to her indifference, so I do feel quite the orphan, too.

We have memories, though, and even though it doesn't feel like enough, we have the things they taught us, and we have our traditions that we can keep doing, that keeps them with us, too.

Veterans kid
Posted: Sunday, September 4, 2016 12:41 AM
Joined: 10/17/2014
Posts: 1239

KML wrote:

We have memories, though, and even though it doesn't feel like enough, we have the things they taught us, and we have our traditions that we can keep doing, that keeps them with us, too.

Wow!  You put that so beautifully!

Thanks, you guys...and gals... Our family here.

It just really helps to know that the support doesn't end.  

I am sorry we are all here, but am so very grateful to all of you!!!

Endless poptarts for each and everyone of us!  


Posted: Monday, September 5, 2016 6:58 AM
Joined: 5/21/2016
Posts: 2011

I wish I could say something to comfort you.  I know you are grieving. I wish you could remember this nice times with your mom and dad and know that they want you to be happy and that they are comforting you and praying for you too.  You are such a sweetie and so good and so caring and your memories will go on forever, and if you start losing your memories, then you better write them down so I can read them to you later! Also, remember "zoning" works with keys and the wallet -- just always put them in the same place when you get home.  From one daughter to another, lot of smiles and sunshine on a rainy day = rainbows!
Posted: Friday, September 9, 2016 11:53 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 4122

The shock for me has subsided but there are times when I find myself disbelieving wow, mom is gone...this comes in waves largely infrequent

Now, its the overwhelming lonliness...I have a handful of good friends but many are in the position that all of us were in that is caring for a parent...

Some friends are just busy helping to raise grandchildren or involved in family gatherings/funerals/events

I wake up sobbing due to the smack in the face reality of loss and lonliness.

I applaud Veteran's kid.  I was able to do what I did for my mother because she was my mother but I am not equipped to provide the same type of care for another person-I do some volunteer work for a non profit floral organization but its only a few hours a week-

My sister and her family disowned mom and me 8 years ago...I no longer have family.  I wonder at times if I will ever be hugged again or if anyone will ever hold my hand.  

I'm still so very lost...


Posted: Saturday, September 10, 2016 4:00 AM
Joined: 3/11/2014
Posts: 318


I am sending you a huge bear hug from one daughter to another.  I know it's not the same as in person but it's the best I can do right now.