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I kept my promises
blfbrat
Posted: Thursday, February 2, 2017 10:47 AM
Joined: 2/15/2014
Posts: 168


I kept my promise of in sickness and health.

I kept my promise of to death will you part

I kept my promise to keep him home until he passed.

I put a lot of life on hold to take care of him

It is about 15 months now since he passed.  I missed him, he was the bulk of my life.

I felt like I was fired from my job of taking care of him, when he passed.

My children were there before he passed and afterwards, supporting me.

I felt like we both were finally at peace now.

But I have felt the need to go on with my life.

I have met a wonderful man, who was a caregiver for 7 years of his wife with cancer.

My dh family feels I am betraying Jerry.

I think,  I was the one there when he was sick, they visited rarely, did not want to take his phone calls.

I feel like I am finally walking in the sunshine, rather than the dark cloud I lived under for 15 years of him being ill, in a wheel chair, lots of meds, hospital stays, anger, frustration on his part.

I think, we have all, paid a price and been given a gift, of taking care of our loved one.

But for me,  I am running to the sunshine.  I don't know how much longer time I have on this earth, but I am going to life with joy again.

Everyone, needs to grieve their own way, and I make no judgements, but am shocked, how many people are not happy with me and feel I am betraying Jerry.

 

 


ndhme
Posted: Thursday, February 2, 2017 11:55 AM
Joined: 5/31/2015
Posts: 1156


I think it is wonderful you have met someone who is bringing joy and the living of life again into you life.  Ignore the naysayers....they are probably projecting their guilt in not being there as they should have been for you and your dear departed husband. 

Go forward...enjoy your life...you kept your promises with loving care...you deserve to live again!!!


Tay46
Posted: Thursday, February 2, 2017 3:42 PM
Joined: 9/18/2013
Posts: 243


blfbrat wrote:

But I have felt the need to go on with my life.

I have met a wonderful man, who was a caregiver for 7 years of his wife with cancer.

My dh family feels I am betraying Jerry.

 

What do they want...for you to remain the eternal grieving widow? That part of your life is over and if they don't agree and can't understand well, that's their problem not yours. It's fantastic that you've found someone new. Life is too short...grab all the happiness that you can!

Ukie
Posted: Thursday, February 2, 2017 4:03 PM
Joined: 12/16/2013
Posts: 352


Congratulations! I wish you the best!
dayofhope
Posted: Thursday, February 2, 2017 4:28 PM
Joined: 12/6/2012
Posts: 1249


I think that is fantastic, you go girl!! Live and be happy.
jfkoc
Posted: Thursday, February 2, 2017 7:30 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 19550


agreed, be happy
dayn2nite2
Posted: Thursday, February 2, 2017 8:28 PM
Joined: 6/20/2016
Posts: 2535


You may find as time goes on that you need to personally cut the naysayers out of your life.  You cannot remain shrouded in black and sitting at home forever.  It's been quite some time.  You loved him while he was here, you took great care of him and he will always be imprinted on your heart, but you're right - it's time to go on with life.

Good for you.
MPSunshine
Posted: Friday, February 3, 2017 5:55 AM
Joined: 5/21/2016
Posts: 2007


blfbrat, I don't know you but I'm happy for you. What you are writing about is a beautiful thing and I wish you enjoyment, happiness and blessings in your "running to the sunshine" and the start of your new life.
blfbrat
Posted: Wednesday, February 22, 2017 7:26 AM
Joined: 2/15/2014
Posts: 168


Thanks so much for your kind and supportive comments.  I have made some major choices, they say wait a year to make these decisions

 1.  I am going to retire

 2.  Moving to VA to a house, my dear bought right on the Chesapeake.  Renting out my house just to have a back up plan.

One of the weird things of moving on,  I now have a huge fear of him, getting ill and I have to start all over as a caregiver,  I have to reconciled myself that it could happen again.  I will not marry again.  Financial, as well as emotional reasons.

He made the comment that he feels more alive than he has in a long long time.


George K
Posted: Wednesday, February 22, 2017 4:06 PM
Joined: 12/16/2011
Posts: 2818


blfbrat, you're entirely right; you did the absolute best you knew how to do at the time.  Now it's time to move on to a life of your choosing.   You wrote you feel like you were fired from your job of taking care of Jerry; actually you were freed from your job of taking care of Jerry.  Now your job is to take care of yourself.  Move to the Chesapeake Bay and pig out on raw oysters and blue claw crabs. 

There's a saying: "We're not free until we don't care what someone else thinks about us".  Except, of course, for the people on this site.  Everyone here is urging you to  follow your heart.