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Veterans kid
Posted: Wednesday, August 2, 2017 2:05 AM
Joined: 10/17/2014
Posts: 1239

Hi kiddos!  It's been a while.

I've been thinking a lot about us here lately. 

I'd like to find out if any others are still experiencing the effects of the stress.

My dad's been gone almost a year and a half.  Aug 6th will be 22 years that my mom has been gone.

I'm not gonna mince words here- this summer sucks!

I had strep throat-which turned into scarlet fever.  

Yes, scarlet fever! 

Who gets that besides Mary Ingalls from Little House?

Oh, it gets better...

Then, about a week later I thought I had got stung on the top of my foot.  After a few days,  it wasn't getting any better and it was swollen with little spots on my foot and it hurts all the way to the bottom of it. It hurt to walk. It hurt to touch it. Then for the first time in my life, and I just turned 50 a couple months ago, I got poison ivy.  I went back to the doctor and she swabbed my throat again, still have strep, and poison ivy, and shingles! Shingles on the top of my foot. Sigh.

Good grief!

No...not good grief actually!

It's NOT good.  The stress of  everything's still very overwhelming. 

 I'm not saying that any one misses their loved one more than others, but I do think those that have family, spouses, kids have more things to look forward to, more distractions and for reasons to smile.   Even financially and all of that. 

 So I'm sitting here with shingles,  missing my mom and dad, trying not to go through the last seven days that my mom was at home, not being able to do my hospice volunteering-for obvious reasons and generally feeling sorry for myself. and I wonder just how many caregivers continue to feel those physical  issues, and mental ones as well. I know they've done some studies and how we don't take care of ourselves and then what can happen. I only see those numbers growing larger area very rapid rate.

 I will be OK, but like a lot of us on here, there are times and days that or just rougher than others, and I'm so grateful for all of us!

 Sending all of you and less hugs and prayers, fresh veggies and dip, some wine, and of course...

Poptarts and Twinkies  



Posted: Wednesday, August 2, 2017 5:14 AM
Joined: 5/21/2016
Posts: 2011

Hi, Julie, I'm really sorry that you are suffering with so many ill effects from stress. I agree that getting out and being involved in activities certainly keeps a person's mind and body more active and positive and I do wish that there were some salves or remedies that could make your shingles less painful. Also I know it can feel very difficult when the memorial date of a loved one approaches. Do you have any photos of your mom and dad during your younger years, perhaps together or doing something fun? I have found it helpful to divert my attention away from last days and towards some of the other richness of experience during the long lives and care that our parents have given us. I hope you have some way to take exquisite care of yourself during that memorial day in honor of your mom. I will be thinking of you and saying a little prayer for your peace and comfort as you remember your mom and your dad on this day and always.
Posted: Wednesday, August 2, 2017 7:17 AM
Joined: 5/31/2014
Posts: 124

Dear Julie,  So sorry to hear that you've had all these things going wrong for you.  Having shingles is not fun - never heard of it on the feet!  It is a year and 4 months for me since my mother has been gone.  I'm still a little lethargic, still haven't finished clearing out her apartment downstairs, but I'm making a little progress.  I like my alone time, but that isn't good for me.  I end up just lying on the couch, cat on my chest, watching trashy reality shows and gaining weight.  I do still work full time and try to go to gym but any excuse to not go is always welcome.  I think of mum every day and talk to her out loud.  My father has been gone 11 years and I miss him but it isn't the same as with my mother.  I think because so many years were invested into her care and we were so close that I can't let her go.  You too, took such good care of your dad.  

Hope you feel better soon from all the medical issues.  AS for the other pain that we've gone through, this will be with us forever.

pop tarts back at ya



Posted: Wednesday, August 2, 2017 6:31 PM
Joined: 5/30/2014
Posts: 556

Oh, Julie!  You know I pray for you almost every day!  I'm so sorry to hear your body is acting up so bad!  I keep telling you, you get well & I'll come take you to lunch!  It'd be great to finally meet.

As far as illness & loss, my mom was gone 14 years on July 19 and dad 7 years on July 30.  Well, dad's date didn't affect me much, but mom's sure did.  Could be because it was Deb's 2 month mark, too.  I was a mess (physically) that day & had to stay home from work I was so bad.  You know, there's something about the loss of your mom.  I once read that each loss we have in our lives is different.  Moms are extremely different because we came from inside of them.  It doesn't seem to matter what type of relationship people have with their mom:  good, bad or different.  The loss of a mom hits you right in your core.

You know I'm here, praying for you, waiting for you to get well so I can come up & take you to lunch!  Looking SO forward to our first face-to-face meeting!  Get well soon!!!


Posted: Wednesday, August 2, 2017 8:17 PM
Joined: 9/18/2013
Posts: 243

Veterans kid wrote:

I went back to the doctor and she swabbed my throat again, still have strep, and poison ivy, and shingles! Shingles on the top of my foot. Sigh.


Shingles?! Yikes!!! I had shingles in my 20's and to say it is no fun, is an understatement. I understand about the stress. I am still trying to put some resemblance of a life together. People keep telling me to hang in there, it'll get better. I just wondering when that's going to happen.

His Daughter
Posted: Saturday, August 5, 2017 6:48 PM
Joined: 6/25/2014
Posts: 2270

Hey Julie, I'm right here with you.  And also acb10!  Tending to do nothing, even though I've got an entire basement to clean out.  I just don't have the drive and motivation right now.  Don't know if this is aging, grief, or what?  Just know that I really don't have much "umpf" right now.  

I honestly think I might be better if I was still caring for Dad.  At least I had a schedule that had meaning and purpose.  

Hang in there girl, you know I'm here if you need to talk,


Posted: Monday, August 7, 2017 12:07 PM
Joined: 11/30/2011
Posts: 2105

I am so sorry you are having a tough time right now.  I do believe the stress/strain that we were under takes its toll and lingers for a long, long time.  It took me two years to be able to sleep more than 3-4 hours a night, kept thinking of my dad and his final days.  I'm now left with back issues to deal with.

My sibling has decided to cut me out of her life, so I'm in a tailspin about that.   Issues related to the care of my parents, their home being sold, family issues never resolved.  So I feel like I'm dealing with another death and it's very disturbing to me  More stress, more loss of peace of mind and sleep.  I'm trying to work on that and let go of what makes me unhappy.

Take this time to concentrate on yourself and be so very kind to yourself.  We need to treat ourselves as well as we treated those we loved and cared for.  We always seem to put ourselves on the bottom of the list.  Where did we learn to do that?  We have to teach ourselves to take care of us, too, we are important, we are of value.

Be very careful with the strep throat, that can cause serious health problems.  Any hint of anything lingering in that regard, head on over to the doctor.

Take this opportunity to slow down and do nothing but think about your health and wellbeing.  Your body is telling you, stop, rest, heal.  This isn't always easy to do, we have commitments, we have stuff floating around us all the time that needs attending to.  But make sure you're on that list of things that needs attention and taken care of.  You.  Make a commitment to yourself, if you have to schedule yourself in, do it, set that time aside for just for you, do not push yourself to do more than what takes away from you to take care of yourself.

We were so used to running at a high rate of speed, that when our caregiving days came to end, we felt disoriented, we hit a brick wall.  I always say I felt like I was peeling myself off of that wall. 

Take care of yourself, Julie.  You deserve to enjoy your life and to be healthy.



Posted: Sunday, September 3, 2017 7:57 AM
Joined: 7/29/2014
Posts: 217

Been a long while since I have posted anything.

What I wanted to say is "His Daughter" pointed out to me that even though my Mom passed in September of 2015, it didn't end with just a funeral. Life never returned to "normal".

The many months after she passed was spent on getting all the legal stuff done, getting her house cleaned out, sold and dealing with getting sued by my sister. I will never forget my sister's last words to me when I called to let her know her Mother was gone. "Can I have the Idaho house now?" (big eye roll)

The point that I am trying to get at is this; even though it has been two years, it takes body and soul much longer to try and mend itself.  Remember all the stuff that had to be taken care of directly after your Dad passed? None of us were Samantha on Bewitched! No wiggling of a nose could prepare any of us for the task AFTER the death of our LO's. How the grieving was put on hold, to accomplish everything.

I am sorry that your health has not been good this summer, stress is a wicked thing.

To me it's just time, that is the only thing that can help us mend. I have relatives that want me to come and visit...I don't want to go. After the isolation of my Mom and I, I find that being alone (well plus having my 2 dogs) is what works for me and stress levels. I have lists of stuff to get done at my own home that was disregarded for 5 years. Frankly it will get done when it gets done. Please give yourself a break!!!

Sending warm thoughts, and healing vibes your way!!!  Ann

Posted: Thursday, October 12, 2017 10:50 AM
Joined: 6/12/2015
Posts: 1131

Veterans kid, I am wondering the same thing as you. My ex husband was emergency hospitalized in September and from there moved directly into a memory care facility. Things for me were just ... strange. Nobody at home but me any more. Quiet, lonely, time on my hands.

Then my car broke down and it was a 2-day event in dramatically colder weather to get it towed to my mechanic. I was up several hours too late at night both days dealing with it for having to go to work the following days.

Now I have a bad cold. It's all I can do to drag myself around. I keep thinking it has something to do with having the constant stress and things to do to keep me occupied propping me up, and now that those things aren't my focus, my system is collapsing. I just wish I could stay at home and sleep until I feel better, but as a contractor, if I don't work, I don't get paid, so staying home is not an option. I keep thinking that now that I have the "luxury" of time on my hands and being able to do what works for me full time is what caused this. It's like my body said, "Ok, now you can collapse and take care of yourself for a while". If only I could. If I didn't have to be working, I'd be at home asleep. Right after he left, I broke my favorite tea cup. I thought that was related, too. It might sound strange, but my whole routine came apart completely and it left me disoriented enough that other things took advantage and jumped in. It's just strange.