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2 Months since I lost her....
Skittles412
Posted: Monday, August 6, 2018 2:29 PM
Joined: 5/14/2018
Posts: 259


Today marks two months my mother has been gone.  The pain is still overwhelming.  Last night I cried for nearly 2 hours, I just couldn't stop. Today my eyes are puffy because of it and I'm still crying off and on today.  I had to get up and leave my office.  Is this normal?  Is this happening (or has it happened) to any of you?  

 


MPSunshine
Posted: Monday, August 6, 2018 5:17 PM
Joined: 5/21/2016
Posts: 2010


Yes, in fact, it is soooooo typical for caregivers to have major depression, especially after the death of a loved one, and there is no shame in seeking help and to try for whatever works to move on. This gives respect to our loved one who wants the best for you absolutely and for you (and me) to live.
mickeymouse
Posted: Monday, August 6, 2018 9:32 PM
Joined: 6/18/2015
Posts: 74


Yes, I cried constantly for my mom at the beginning. It has been almost 15 months and I still cry but not constantly. My mom and I were very close. We went everywhere together. I know she is in a better place and not with this awful disease. I had went to a counselor at the beginning and she stated "take one minute at a time".  There are also grief groups that get together. Some people like them and some people don't.  Be good to yourself and take care.

Hugs, 

Sue (mickey mouse)


jfkoc
Posted: Monday, August 6, 2018 9:49 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 20105


Oh so normal. The pain will become less raw, the crying less frequent but I do not think we ever stop grieving.....missing...
MaryGathers
Posted: Monday, August 13, 2018 11:46 PM
Joined: 8/13/2018
Posts: 3


Feeling very sad about the loss of your mother.
Skittles412
Posted: Monday, August 27, 2018 8:13 AM
Joined: 5/14/2018
Posts: 259


@Mary Gathers; thank you for caring <3
-Kat

Rockym
Posted: Monday, August 27, 2018 6:34 PM
Joined: 1/17/2016
Posts: 939


Hi Kat, I used to cry often and every day, then it was just in the mornings, then it was when I had a reminder and now at 3 months, it is subsiding.  I don't think my mom would want me walking around crying too much, but when I get sad, I almost feel like she is a tad happy about it knowing that I loved her a lot.

I have so many reminders of her in my home and tons in our community as her and I were out and about often.  As I've mentioned before, I have a family that keeps me busy and I do volunteer work so my mind isn't on mom all the time.  Your feelings will lift some when you are ready.  I think the big thing is "does it interfere with your daily life?"  I'm not saying getting up from your desk to gain your composure is a big interference... I am talking about not being about to get to your job, pay your bills, etc.

If you are able to function, then re-evaluate at the 3 month period, the 4 month period and so on.  I was going to see a Hospice counselor 1 on 1, but I haven't been able to find the time so I just keep moving forward.


Skittles412
Posted: Tuesday, August 28, 2018 6:43 AM
Joined: 5/14/2018
Posts: 259


Hi Rocky:

I'm approaching the 3 month mark myself (as you know). The amount of times I cry has subsided and I'm finding myself more able to focus on the good memories. I do feel a little guilty that I'm not grieving as much but at the same time I know my mother would want me happy and she would definitely not want to see me crying. Mom was a tough cookie and she tried to make me one too. (I was a tough cookie before she passed but now I cry at commercials....ughhh). Anyway, you were right; I have stopped crying as much and it is getting a bit easier as time passes. I love and miss her terribly but I choose to focus on the happy memories. Thank you for always making me feel better Rocky.

-Kat xoxoxo


jb crick
Posted: Wednesday, August 29, 2018 12:11 AM
Joined: 8/2/2016
Posts: 636


Kat, I'm glad to hear that the periods of sorrow are starting to diminish somewhat. I'm coming up on one year and yet I still have those moments when something knocks me for a loop. This is a long road, but let not your heart be troubled by that. It is good that you are now able to focus more on the good memories and less on the loss.

I find it comforting for me to occasionally pull out the photographs. So many pictures, places, and events I have forgotten about. Some pictures bring back so many happy and even goofy times. Some actually make me laugh with tears. Sometimes it's like I'm sitting in front of an IMAX screen in my mind, watching those scenes play out like it was yesterday. I think this means that our hearts are healing, and things are getting better day by day.

Blessing to you, wish you well, and hope all keeps getting better for you.

John

 

 



Skittles412
Posted: Wednesday, August 29, 2018 6:49 AM
Joined: 5/14/2018
Posts: 259


Hi John:

Thank you so much for your kind words.  Don't get me wrong I still have my moments, but they are not as often as they were thank God. It makes me feel so much better that there are times where I can picture her healthy now and not how she was in the end.  John I'm so happy that you are finding moments of comfort in the pictures and the memories of your DW. I will continue to pray that your heart eases and you can find happiness. We will all be united with our LO's again. Peace to you. 

-Kat