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checking in to share my progress
Posted: Friday, October 5, 2018 12:44 PM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3608

As some of you know I am divorcing my husband and planning to live alone during winter.

We have become close again, as friends, and he is slowly moving his things, found a job, looking for an apartment. 

It snowed this morning at peak fall  color season. I have been walking with dog to build strength, moved abed to living room as my back pain prevent sitting anywhere so I am always up or in bed.

Image may contain: plant, tree, sky, grass, outdoor and nature

^ this is view from top of ski hill towards Lake Superior. I walk dog thru these hills!

Hospice nurse comes twice a month and Keeper will also help me with groceries or emergencies while he lives in area.

I am using a cbd oil tincture from a dispensary I really like. Important to SHAKE IT before use, finally read box after using for 2 weeks. The oil is 4 drops 3 times a day, helps me get out of bed, dress, clean my closet, made a veggie soup for chilly weather.

Sleeping is going to more crucial as dog goes out to pee at about 2am every night since we got her, figuring out a way to keep her from running off to explore, how to get back to sleep etc.

I am using rain and thunder sound videos from YouTube to help my mind settle down. Left to my own thoughts I am often plagued by old memories of abuse through out the night. Those memories stick, they do not fade much, I am tired of it but understand the after effects from ptsd of abuse is a gift for your lifetime.

So far, socks in bed helps with cold feet and makes me sleepy, also heavy blankets. have seen Weighted Blankets advertised but I have heavy blankets.

I am meeting with a younger woman who is going to help me clean the house and walk  with me now and then, will drive me to appointments, bail me out if I go to jail.     

I have started my written account of doing this and think when I am alone in November after divorce I will be more able to write.

Learned background noise is no longer background but interferes with my ability to function. Music makes cleaning up dishes or doing laundry easier. No one came to fix steps or hand rails so I rigged somethings myself.

Another neighbor may walk my dog every few days as his dog and mine are pals.

I don't speak to many people anymore because my speech is delayed and my tongue problems worsening (tardive dyskenesia from anti psychotic med given me before alz diagnosis).

The desire to left alone increases. I have nothing much to say as I am concentrating on leaves changing color, my birds back and ready for regular feedings, taking an interest in what scares me, building my courage.

Image may contain: bird and outdoor

If I have anything to contribute in future I will share then, right now I am floating in another world, receiving message from deceased friends, have become very close to  BOTH my children as result of my trip west last spring, having great dreams with deep messages, sharing with high school friends online.

Keeper understands the pressure and boredom was dooming our love for each other and I have been able to stop"thinking for him" and enjoy seeing him leave looking stronger and relieved. 

love and courage

Jo C.
Posted: Friday, October 5, 2018 3:55 PM
Joined: 12/9/2011
Posts: 12895

So glad to hear from you alz+ and thank you very much for the update.   I have been thinking of you and so hoping your plans were going well.

 You are a woman of great courage and an example to all of us.   It sounds as though you have things well in hand and have good plans in place.

 Love the photo of the ski jump through to Lake Superior. I grew up in the U.P. near a ski jump and right near Lake Superior.  So beautiful in the fall.

 Dear alz+, I send warmest thoughts your way and wishes for your new way of being to turn out even better than you had planned and thought.

 Soft hug to a very special person,  please keep us Posted, we miss you when we do not hear from you but understand the difficulties writing and Posting.


Posted: Friday, October 5, 2018 4:01 PM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3608

Jo C - porcupine mountains?
Jo C.
Posted: Friday, October 5, 2018 4:32 PM
Joined: 12/9/2011
Posts: 12895

Nope.  A small town outside and a bit of the way from Marquette.  SO small one doesn't go there unless planning to.  But OH, the forests!   Some of my best memories.   Everyone seems to go to "Camp." 

I love it there and though gone for a long time, I still think of it as home.  Beautiful autumn; beautiful spring, but winter, not so much.  Summer humidity from the lake and mosquitoes so big they grow feathers, but truly so beautiful and warm, caring people.  That area of the country is truly awesome.



Posted: Sunday, October 7, 2018 9:31 AM
Joined: 5/20/2014
Posts: 4408

Thank you, for the check in. Know you're always in my thoughts and prayers and forever in my heart.
Iris L.
Posted: Tuesday, October 9, 2018 3:46 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 17945

You are very insightful, Alz+, and you know what to do for yourself.  Keep on!    We don't need distractions.  From you I learned to envelope myself in nature and animals.  Live your life!  Come back when you can.

Iris L.