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Daughter arrived, Rescue has begun
Unforgiven
Posted: Thursday, May 23, 2019 10:11 PM
Joined: 1/28/2013
Posts: 2659


Happy birthday, Alz!  You look awesome!
llee08032
Posted: Friday, May 24, 2019 4:21 AM
Joined: 5/20/2014
Posts: 4408


Happy belated birthday Alz+ and Jo C!
alz+
Posted: Friday, May 24, 2019 7:35 AM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3608


thanks for birthday wishes!

                     The Dog and I Have Been Successfully Rehomed!

Yesterday - we made it to town by 2pm. My daughter did most of the car emptying herself and it was a lot! I did not realize I packed stuff to "make a room" and over rest of day I laid down rugs, hung curtains, my bed was here assembled and the memory foam mattress from costco was delivered last week is very comfortable.

I have my clothes on shelves in the closet orin suitcases. Habib had 2 small tables by the bed already, so all set up.

There is a post renovation chaos in rest of house but the best things is:

Habib and Betty the dog hit it off and she is already asking him for everything instead of me, she is relieved someone else is available.

His dog has accepted Betty,  who will go OUT the dog door now but not back in - yet.

and it IS nice and brisk! I think this will feel like home in a month or so. The bathroom tile I went nuts over? My son picked a shiny pale blue, it is perfect.

My daughter took the night off to visit more friends here. She was just a champ. 

her choice of the Loneliest Highway In America from Utah to Reno was epic life changing thing.

My son also created an outdoor space on covered porch for me to do "projects" so even if I never do anything I am content with that. Thank you for your support, encouragement and kindness.

rescue operation complete

love and courage!


Michael Ellenbogen
Posted: Friday, May 24, 2019 7:55 AM
Joined: 11/30/2011
Posts: 4324


That is great. Have a wonderful weekend.
jfkoc
Posted: Friday, May 24, 2019 8:53 AM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 20920


Happy belated Birthday wishes sent to you  in your new room in CA.
Lane Simonian
Posted: Friday, May 24, 2019 9:28 AM
Joined: 12/12/2011
Posts: 5108


Welcome to your new home.  I was happy to hear that you and Betty are comfortable there.
yogi60
Posted: Friday, May 24, 2019 10:22 AM
Joined: 2/22/2017
Posts: 77


Wonderful!! I'm so happy for you.
Jo C.
Posted: Friday, May 24, 2019 10:59 AM
Joined: 12/9/2011
Posts: 13126


You have landed.

Betty is happy and has a new fur friend and your bed was ready for you.  Good to hear that there is a place for you to do your creative endeavors if you wish; that is great.

We shall wait to hear more.

 Big hug being sent to you and Ms. Betty up there in NoCal from down here in SoCal,

 J.


Jo C.
Posted: Friday, May 24, 2019 11:09 AM
Joined: 12/9/2011
Posts: 13126


Thank you folks for your birthday wishes; alz+ and I are Gemini's; her on the 22nd, and me on the 23rd.

May is such a lovely month for a birthday and I bet it is especially lovely up there in Northern California.

 J.


Iris L.
Posted: Friday, May 24, 2019 11:49 AM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 18061


Rescue operation complete.  What wonderful words.  Breathe a sigh of relief!  You and your daughter accomplished a great task in your cross-country journey.  May you and Habib and Betty and Betty's new fur friend begin wonderful, enjoyable and companionable lives together!  

 

Jo C., I wish you a belated wonderful birthday!   May you have a great weekend!


(((((((( Jo C ))))))))

 

Iris


alz+
Posted: Sunday, May 26, 2019 3:41 PM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3608


Jo C - happy birthday!!

Update on being rehomed.

*****

so turns out my hearing loss makes people angry and apparently I misunderstand an awful lot of stuff.

also my talking to myself irritates people. some other things are kind of slapping me around too, the background noise of disapproval.

OH, I remember - people laugh at me a lot, and NOT when I am thinking I just came up with some witty reparte'.  Habib laughs and I wonder "what was funny about that?" 

Not used to having to explain everything, like I want a couple drawers in kitchen to put food basics I can make stuff from and it turned into him mumbling (?) about me from other room. If I turn on TV it irritates him, this is with sound OFF and reading closed captioning.

He says, "I want you here. Make yourself at home! Do whatever you want!" then anything I do he gets agitated about it, doesn't want it moved, or cleaned, or changed.

There is a lot (to me) of post construction dirt all over, plus years of dust and dirt he just doesn't clean, pretty much a lot for me to work on. He goes away 3 days a week during day to do dog care so I can putter then.

*Question: 

1 - am I underestimating how difficult it is for people to speak directly and a little louder without yelling to hearing impaired?

2 - How do I know if "do what you want" means I can clean, straighten and replace the dirty shredded stuff? (I showed him stuff I was buying online and he said he liked it, followed by "all the stuff! who needs all that stuff? This is how I live? etc etc etc - I bought rugs to replace filthy tattered ones and 2 light fixtures, curtain rods, 2 sun shades)

Best Thing I learned So Far: having a safe room to flee to when life gets overwhelming is saving a lot of people a lot of trouble! A room with a door, a comfortable place to lie down, quiet, as light or dark as I want, with my favorite things to look at, etc means peace and quiet whenever I need it. 

******

hearing loss is a big deal when not living alone. hearing aids? have to go through all that stuff? won't I lose them?

love and courage


Jo C.
Posted: Sunday, May 26, 2019 5:44 PM
Joined: 12/9/2011
Posts: 13126


Hi, I have been looking for you!   How do the renovations on the house seem to you?

 Do you like your room and was the color of your liking?   I am SO glad you wrote.

  

As to the other stuff you mention:

 1.  Both you and Mr. H. have been through a lot. 

2,  You have pulled up stakes from a home of long standing and traveled far across country with belongings.  You have a new person living with you.  You life has changed dramatically.  That is no small thing.

3,  Mr. H. has lived alone in the house for a very long time.  He had to endure the lengthy mess and noise of the renovations.  He has a new person living with him.  His life has changed dramatically.  That is no small thing.

  4.  These are early days; you will both begin to adapt as the days and weeks go by and learn each others ways.   You will learn what works best for both of you and the early days feelings will become less.  

5.  You will also both learn how to communicate more easily.  It is a lot all at once, it usually takes a a bit of time.

 6.  Perhaps it would be helpful to go a bit slower with changes at first until the newness of being housemates wears off in a little bit.  He may then have settled and feel less taut.

 7.  Good idea you have to do things while he is out; when he does not feel the flurry of activity happening, it is less unsettling and when the good results show, he too will feel good and appreciate the improvements.

 Bet your room looks lovely with what you have done to it; it sounds cozy and welcoming.

Say hi to Miss Betty for me; has she learned how to go "in" the doggie door yet?  Bet she enjoys her new fur friend.

 J.


jfkoc
Posted: Sunday, May 26, 2019 7:38 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 20920


Answer to your #1. People will continue to mumble, speak too fast, too low. No amount of reminding is likely to change this. I have hearing aids and they do not help that much with speech unless someone is with me, close, one on one.

I agree with Jo's spot on # 6. You are not the only one making the adjustment...take your time.

Whew on the blue tiles!!!!!


Iris L.
Posted: Sunday, May 26, 2019 8:15 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 18061


Alz+, I am back from my overseas trip and I have been exhausted!  I have been recuperating all week.  I agree with the others, take it slow.  Allow yourselves (all concerned) time to equilibrate.   We're having a cold snap down from Alaska, not the usual spring-like California weather.  This has an effect on people, too.  


As far as hearing goes, can you tell people they must face you directly so that you can see their lips? Would that help?


Iris


alz+
Posted: Tuesday, May 28, 2019 3:46 AM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3608


Thanks, I was pressing too hard and fast, upset by how dirty things were/are and could hardly leave my room or even sit on porch so I did go at it for a couple days.  Yesterday I cleaned the refrigerator - had not been done since I did it last year. Then my arms and hands got too sore and I got so tired I slept all day.

HEARING LOSS - I have reminded the few people I converse with that I "still can't hear" for years. Response is either yelling, like I could hear if I wanted to but but am being demanding a** or further grumbling. Keeper did same thing.

The thing is I am withdrawing more and more over it. Also Habib quit his B12 and is slurring again, also from living alone he has not spoken much over past year but his old pals stopped by and they were all talking and laughing so loud!

Once the vacuum comes and things are cleaned I will feel more at home - in a couple months. I swept porch and moved wood out of way so I can get to a chair.

The dog is so happy, she goes in and out dog door!

*I'm thinking hearing aids would get lost pretty fast and putting them in and taking out would drive me nuts. 

***

My room is a good color, lilac. The floors in house are some kind of waterproof laminate and not slippery. I dropped something when cleaning refrig, hit a cup of coffee and everything went off counter, sprayed all over. Wiped up easily. 

I was rushing things. I needed to be told to slow down. When someone on boards tells me to calm down it sounds good, easy, right.

If someone LIVE tells me to calm down I get mad. Ha!

thank you all for your sound advice and affection, again and again



jfkoc
Posted: Tuesday, May 28, 2019 9:52 AM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 20920


Well I am going to tell you to hurry up and get that chair for outside so that you can slow down...lol.

I would also suggest getting all varities of swifters. One for the floor and one for dusting...this is the one I use;

https://swiffer.com/en-us/shop-products/dusting/swiffer-360-dusters-extender-cleaner-starter-kit


a_step@a_time
Posted: Thursday, May 30, 2019 12:33 AM
Joined: 11/21/2015
Posts: 237


Haven't been on in a while. HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY WISHES to the May bday people!
llee08032
Posted: Thursday, May 30, 2019 7:06 AM
Joined: 5/20/2014
Posts: 4408


Being told to"calm down" when your in the midst of an interaction can have an adverse effect. Being told to "breathe and focus on your breathing" and "I understand you are upset, angry, disappointed, sad" etc. works better. Developing  a "safe words" vocabulary for you and your loved one's as well can be helpful during those tense moments. I always tell myself to "respond" vs "reacting." Reacting to what others say or do is oftentimes impulsive and irrational. Responding on the other hand, involves thinking things through and responding with well thought out responses. It's key to remember you don't always have to respond right away in the moment. It's okay to say "I need some time to think about this."

If insurance covers a hearing aid then you may want to at least give it try and find a space where you always keep them in the same place.


llee08032
Posted: Thursday, May 30, 2019 7:13 AM
Joined: 5/20/2014
Posts: 4408


http://thescienceexplorer.com/brain-and-body/neuroscience-tips-remain-calm-argument
alz+
Posted: Thursday, May 30, 2019 10:57 AM
Joined: 9/12/2013
Posts: 3608


L lee!

I went to article and read the suggestions, which were all true and probably work.

My rapid response is the No Brakes thing - like the section in brain that restrains one's initial impulse (I'm trying to defuse my initial reaction trouble making) is smart.

Being hard of hearing I use body language more than words. My ability to fake understanding what was said has also quit working.

I am considering the hearing aid thing, will have to sign up for insurance switch before doing anything. 

Habib is in weak shape in many ways, but we are able to talk things out if I write him a note about how I want to let go of worry and willing to cooperate.

His breathing improved since I vaccumend the floors and wiped off lamp shades etc so I scored points already.

*****

 yesterday a man came to visit bringing me a huge bouquet of flowers in all shades of purples. he said it was a "welcome back to California" gift. I was stunned and it helped a lot.

a neighbor who walks her little dog 3 times a day let me walk my dog with her awhile and told me of massage therapist close by! I have appointment for Monday. So excited about that, my body hurts and this could be wonderful.

thanks for helping me in so many ways.

definitely can and do take advice given here instead of direct. 

OH I love spell check.

love and courage




jfkoc
Posted: Thursday, May 30, 2019 1:54 PM
Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 20920


good you take or at least consider advice...here is some from first hand experience

tell everyone that you can barely hear and ask them to please face you when they are talking to you and to please talk slowly....it is common knowledge that people are talking faster and I would add that they have no working knowledge of the word enunciation...lol


yarnball
Posted: Thursday, May 30, 2019 9:36 PM
Joined: 7/9/2017
Posts: 27


Getting hearing aids SIGNIFICANTLY improved my life.  I hope you have the opportunity to try some.  Many places will allow you to return them if not working for you.  Please find the right place & give it a go!
Iris L.
Posted: Thursday, May 30, 2019 9:51 PM
Joined: 12/15/2011
Posts: 18061


Alz+, it's good to see that you're settling in. Dust is dangerous!  

Iris


Unforgiven
Posted: Friday, May 31, 2019 2:02 PM
Joined: 1/28/2013
Posts: 2659


Dust is dangerous, especially if there have been rodents in it.  Men living alone are more prone to rodents than women.   *cough, literally and figuratively* You could try misting the room lightly with distilled before cleaning.  I use a handheld steamer, but that might be a safety hazard for people who tend to forget.  They turn off automatically if left unattended, so they won't explode, but just the same.